Koptalks latest scam

Despite claims of thousands and thousands of members paying 36.50 GBP each, koptalk and duncan oldham have resorted to old tricks of conning Liverpool fans to pay for his latest venture, the koptalk iPhone app.

http://www.koptalkblog.coN/2011/02/liverpool-fc-news-iphone-app-update/

What Dunk wont ever tell anyone is how much the project cost and never will he keep a public tab on who donated what and how much money he actually accepted. It smells of his cousin Lauren and the Alder Hey collections where no final amount, though suspected to be in the thousands could ever be accounted for.

It’s classic duncan oldham. Goes off to America with his fiance at the expense of his members and comes back to them with a begging bowl to pay for the app, claiming he cant afford the project
There is no shame in the man, He even wants his members to believe that someone donated 1500 GBP for the app just because he is a good guy and the off-chance the bait will be taken by other members for a contribution.

What will a koptalk app offer anyone that you cant already get for free from Twitter ? Almost everything dunk posts today is recycled from Twitter. If Dunk has all this so-called insider information, how come not one Liverpool Football journalist follows him, not one ? Tony Barrett, Tony Evans, Chris Bascombe, Brian Reade, Ben Thornley to mention a few are all easily accessible on twitter, just ask any one of them their thoughts about duncan oldham and koptalk.

Save your money or do the very bare minimum of doing your homework before you part with any cash.

Posted in Dunk's Excuses, Insider Insider Comments, Koptalk - Lies, The Insider. Comments Off on Koptalks latest scam

Dunk the racist now also a sexist

Following from the sexist remarks by Andy Gray and Richard Keys about the female linesman that was officiating at the last LFC match, Dunk shows his true feelings about the issue. Needless to say, loads of koptalkers didn’t think much of it, and I believe quite a few are reconsidering their membership of the site. One of our top search hit phrases today is “how to cancel koptalk membership”. If you are one of those who are looking for that information, look at the paypal-post in the top menu or send me an email. So what did Dunk say? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Dunk's Excuses, Insider Insider Comments, Koptalk Members Site. Comments Off on Dunk the racist now also a sexist

Summer 2010 – Insider scoops by koptalk

With the next transfer window fast approaching it may be worth having a look at how the “Insiders” of koptalk did during the transfer window last summer. Quite a few new players arrived, but did the koptalkers know about it before the rest of the internet? Surely that’s why hundreds sign up without even bothering to make a single post in the forums. The lure of inside information has always been the main marketing trick for Dunk, but what do you really get? I did a similar post a couple of years back, and there was no inside info back then. Was there this year? Let’s have a look. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Insider Insider Comments, Koptalk - Lies, Koptalk - Made Up stuff, Koptalk Members Site, Liverpool FC, The Insider. Comments Off on Summer 2010 – Insider scoops by koptalk

No surprise as koptalk runs news from the s*n again

Yet again Dunk is running a news story that comes from the hated and boycotted rag that every true LFC fan despises. The story is about Milan Jovanovic, who is supposedly unhappy with things at Anfield. The story has cropped up at a few other websites, but is originating from the s*n.

You can read the quotes and the links to the s*n on these pages: Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Duncan Oldham, Insider Insider Comments, Koptalk Members Site, The Insider. Comments Off on No surprise as koptalk runs news from the s*n again

KopTalk’s Greatest Hits

Duncan Oldham tells so many lies on KopTalk that even he can’t keep track of them all, which has provided us with countless moments of unintentional hilarity since this blog began.

But there is a downside. Over the past four years, documenting this Everest of bullshit has required more than 800 articles and almost 15,000 comments. There’s a danger that Oldhams’s most deranged, pathetic and disgusting lies get lost in the swill of his routine, everyday bullshit.

So we’ve been trawling through the archives to put together what you might call KopTalk’s Greatest Hits. These are the moments when Oldham reveals his true colours, when he proves beyond doubt that he’s an unhinged fantasist who will say and do anything if he feels it will earn him money or attract attention.

Above all, they show the contempt with which Oldham views Liverpool fans. You can imagine him laughing his head off as he types this garbage, confident that he can insult our intelligence and still dupe us out of our money.

Oldham’s career in bullshitting has been nothing if not prolific. With such an extensive back catalogue, including the much-loved golden oldies Chris Waddle Has Offered To Sell Me His Melwood House and Someone Made A Bid Of £1.3 Million For A 10% Stake In KopTalk – And I Turned Them Down, we didn’t think we could do justice to the great man with just a single collection. So we’ll be giving him the multi-volume treatment he so richly deserves. Think of this as Duncan Oldham: The Best Of – Volume One.

And for any current KopTalk members reading this – do you ever get the feeling you’ve been conned?


Should I Buy A Melwood Property Overlooking The Training Pitches, Or One Overlooking The Gates? (3 July 2006)

“A lot will depend on where we buy. I fancy a house overlooking the training pitches but I also know that having the gate monitored would be very handy. It’s all down to wonga. I was quoted £250k today for a house at the gates and £150k for a house that overlooks the pitches.

Do we want a CCTV on the gates fed into our office or a webcam showing the lads training?”


Chris Waddle Has Offered To Sell Me His Melwood House (4 July 2006)

“Former England ace Chris Waddle has offered to sell me his house. It’s located close to Melwood and is on the market at £300,000. We’re going to go and see it within the next week. “

Read the rest of this entry »

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Liverpool FC’s summer 2010 transfer targets revealed / How to set up your own KopTalk-style LFC scam site

We don’t really want to inspire a glut of KopTalk-esque scam sites – one is more than enough – but we are very interested in showing you how unsophisticated the KopTalk con is. Pretty much anybody reading this could pull it off, if you had no qualms about telling cynical lies to Liverpool fans in order to dupe us out of our money.

First, you have to trawl through the BBC Football Gossip pages and the offal’s Media Watch section to compile a list of the players rumoured to be joining and leaving Liverpool since the last summer transfer window closed. These are the potential moves that have been reported in the national press and on mainstream internet sites:

PLAYERS IN:

Goalkeepers:

Jan Oblak (Olimpija Ljubljana), Adam Federici (Reading), Dida (AC Milan), Wayne Hennessey (Wolves).

Defenders:

Ryan Shawcross (Stoke City), Matthew Upson (West Ham), Christian Landu Landu (Viking), Simon Kjaer (Palermo), Herita Ilunga (West Ham left-back), Nicolas Hernan Otamendi (Velez Sarsfield), Bruno Ecuele Manga (Angers SCO), Vasilis Torosidis (Olympiakos right-back), Richard Stearman (Wolves right-back/centre half), Nedum Onuoha (Manchester City), Taye Taiwo (Marseille left-back), Rod Fanni (Rennes fullback), Adil Rami (Lille), Steven Mouyokolo (Hull City), Danny Wilson (Rangers), Aleksandar Kolarov (Lazio left-back), Moussa Kouyate (Paris FC), Gary Cahill (Bolton), Christoph Metzelder (Real Madrid, since signed for Schalke), Nicolas Otamendi (Velez Sarsfield), Madjid Bougherra (Rangers), Micah Richards (Manchester City), Phil Jones (Blackburn), Jan Vertonghen (Ajax), Reto Ziegler (Sampdoria), Sylvinho (Manchester City).

Midfielders:

Angel Di Maria (Benfica winger), Antoine Griezmann (Real Sociedad winger), Keisuke Honda (then of Dutch club VVV-Venlo, signed for CSKA Moscow in January), Jano Ananidze (Spartak Moscow), Vladimir Koman (Sampdoria, currently on loan at Bari), Juan Mata (Valencia), Eljero Elia (Hamburg), Milos Krasic (CSKA Moscow), Adam Johnson (Middlesbrough, since moved to Man City), Rafael Van der Vaart (Real Madrid), Hernanes (Sao Paulo), Yaya Toure (Barcelona – part exchange in a deal for Mascherano), Lassana Diarra (Real Madrid), Sebastian Giovinco (Juventus), Mahamadou Diarra (Real Madrid), Patrick Vieira (Inter, who later moved to Man City), Victor Moses (Crystal Palace, ended up going to Wigan in January), Arda Turan (Galatasaray), Scott Parker (West Ham), Nicolas Lodeiro (Nacional, signed for Ajax in January), James Milner (Aston Villa), Jeremy Menez (Roma), Sergio Canales (Racing Santander attacking midfielder, announced in February that he will sign for Real Madrid in July), Tom Cairney (Hull), Stephen Ireland (Man City), Mark Davies (Bolton), Steven Pienaar (Everton), Ibrahim Afellay (PSV), Javi Martinez (Athletic Bilbao), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Juan Manuel Vargas (Fiorentina winger), Eden Hazard (Lille), Georginio Wijnaldum (Feyenoord), Lee Chung-Yong (Bolton), David Silva (Valencia), Guti (Real Madrid), Michael Johnson (Manchester City), Royston Drenthe (Real Madrid), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Ever Banega (Valencia), Mesut Ozil (Werder Bremen), Caner Erkin (CSKA Moscow), Jesus Navas (Sevilla), David Bentley (Tottenham), Felipe Melo (Juventus), Valon Behrami (West Ham), James Milner (Aston Villa).

Strikers:

David Villa (Valencia), Emile Heskey (Aston Villa), Nilton (Vasco da Gama), Dieumerci MBokani (Standard Liege), Carlton Cole (West Ham), Roman Pavlyuchenko (Spurs), Aaron Hunt (Werder Bremen), Eduardo (Arsenal), Connor Wickham (Ipswich), Bojan Krkic (Barcelona – part exchange in a deal for Mascherano), Ruud van Nistelrooy (Real Madrid, since signed for Hamburg), Keirrison (then at Benfica, on loan from Barcelona, since signed 18-month loan deal with Fiorentina), Cedric Mongongu (Monaco), James Beattie (Stoke City), Kenwyne Jones (Sunderland), Roque Santa Cruz (Man City), Erik Huseklepp (SK Brann), Goran Pandev (Lazio, moved to Inter in January), Frederic Piquionne (Portsmouth, on loan from Lyon), Luis Suarez (Ajax), Louis Saha (signed a two-year extension to his deal at Everton in February), Nikola Zigic (Valencia), Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (AC Milan), Milan Jovanovic (Standard Liege, announced he would join us but still tbc), Alexander Jacobsen (14-year-old Danish forward), Kevin Kuranyi (Schalke), John Cofie (Manchester United), Hugo Rodallega (Wigan), Manuel Gavilan (Real Betis), Raul (Real Madrid), Mario Balotelli (Inter), Diego Forlan (Atletico Madrid), Carlos Tevez (Manchester City), Karim Benzema (Real Madrid), Kristoffer Peterson (Savedalens IF), Haris Vuckic (Newcastle United), Alexis Sanchez (Udinese), Mamadou Niang (Marseille), Vincenzo Iaquinta (Juventus), Emmanuel Adebayor (Man City), Giampaolo Pazzini (Sampdoria), Giuseppe Rossi (Villareal), Adriano (Flamengo), Edin Dzeko (Wolfsburg), Diego Tardelli (Atletico Mineiro).

PLAYERS OUT:

Steven Gerrard (Real Madrid, Barcelona, AC Milan and Inter Milan), Fernando Torres (Man City, Chelsea, Barcelona and Juventus), Javier Mascherano (Barcelona, Juventus, Man City, Chelsea and Inter Milan), Dirk Kuyt (Juventus), Yossi Benayoun (Man City, Lokomotiv Moscow, Dinamo Moscow, Roma, Spurs, Aston Villa, Sevilla and Chelsea), Fabio Aurelio (to Olympiakos and AC Milan), Ryan Babel (half the clubs in Europe), Damien Plessis (Lazio Genoa and AEK Athens), Martin Skrtel (Juventus), Albert Riera, Alberto Aquilani (Fiorentina, Juventus), Diego Cavalieri (Benfica), Dani Pacheco (Celtic, loan), Krisztian Nemeth (to remain on loan with AEK Athens), Nabil El Zhar (AEK Athens, loan), Chris Mavinga (AEK Athens, loan), Thomas Ince (Chelsea), Jay Spearing (Leicester).

Next you need to invent some ludicrously-named aliases. We’ve gone for Pilkington, Wallet and The Informer. Depending on how much cider you’ve drunk, you now have to either strongly imply or boldly state that these aliases are in fact high-profile figures associated with Liverpool FC. We’ve decided that Pilkington is Christian Purslow, The Informer is Tony Barrett and Wallet may or may not be Philip Nash.

We’ve no idea why these people would be passing on classified information to members of a football forum that doesn’t even feature in Alexa’s list of the top 40 LFC sites. It doesn’t make any sense at all, but we aren’t going to let that stop us.

The third step is to create your own “insider” phrasebook. Here are a few tips to get you up and running:

Posted in Duncan Oldham, Koptalk - Lies, Koptalk Members Site, Liverpool, The Insider. Comments Off on Liverpool FC’s summer 2010 transfer targets revealed / How to set up your own KopTalk-style LFC scam site

Why has KopTalk failed to report a single big LFC story this year before it appeared in the national press?

It’s been a comedy masterclass on KopTalk over the past week, as Dunk takes up residence on fantasy island in preparation for the summer transfer window.

Oldham has already told so many lies this month that it would be impossible to list them all in one article. But the best/worst/funniest ones so far involve him having a contact within Kenny Dalglish’s immediate family, exchanging emails with “various Anfield luminaries”, and having sources close to Amanda Staveley and Fernando Torres’s agent.

It’s a risky strategy for Dunk. He knows that this sort of nonsense will alienate some of his existing members, the ones who have been on KopTalk for a couple of years and have slowly realised that he knows as much about the inner workings of Liverpool FC as they do. Having their intelligence insulted like this will be final straw for some. But Oldham calculates that he’ll tempt enough new victims into signing up to KT for it to be worth the risk.

Since the season began, Dunk has also told us that he has sources close to the Real Madrid board, Jose Mourinho, Xabi Alonso, Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher, and Tom Hicks or George Gillett (Dunk couldn’t reveal which, naturally). These posts are listed at the end of the article so everyone can have a cheap laugh at them.

As somebody said in a comment on here recently: “There are senior journos within world-class media organisations who don’t have these contacts.”

We all know Dunk reads this blog – he recently changed his avatar in our honour – so I have a question for him: why, with all these supposed contacts, has KopTalk failed to report any of the major LFC stories this year before they appeared in the national press?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Duncan Oldham, Koptalk - Lies, The Insider. Comments Off on Why has KopTalk failed to report a single big LFC story this year before it appeared in the national press?