I was about to say…

I started writing this last night, added a bit more this morning, then got distracted before I could post it. And since then we’ve had Rupert’s excellent post where he talks about Oldham’s paranoia. He covers much of what this article has in it. I was going to bin it but thought, what the hell…

So read this as a post that’s a couple of posts out of date. It’s a response to two of Dunk’s many rants of late. He’s fighting like crazy (did I say “like” crazy?) to keep his site going, but it’s dropping like a turd does. Well that’s what it is. You can read on in more detail in a moment, but to summarise what I’ll be saying…

1) I am not a teenager. I haven’t been for the best part of two decades. Or the worst part, depending on how you look at it.
2) I’ve not attacked anybody’s family.
3) I’ve not got a BMX.
4) I’ve not asked for money for the writing of this blog.
5) I’ve not asked for money to stop writing this blog.
6) I’ve reported what Duncan Oldham has either written or said. Duncan Oldham contradicting himself on two different days, proving him to be a liar. It’s not difficult, he does most of the work for us (he’s not very bright). I don’t “allege” that he tells lies – I show the proof of it.
7) I ask questions. The Lauren situation has always been about asking questions. If Oldham answers them, we can stop asking them. If he paid her all the money he can prove it. If he didn’t, well he’s got plenty of assets he can sell to raise the funds. Such as the MERCEDES CLK 200K (03 ON) CAB AVANT AUTO 1796cc 2DR he upgraded to just after he’d been touting tickets “for Lauren”.
8) I was never banned from Koptalk.
9) I don’t “use the 96” to score brownie points. The boycott of The S*n is an important issue and very simple to observe. Exploiting your child (despite threats of rape you claim were made against her) then sticking “Justice for the 96” on the end of the video is what I would call using the 96. As was copying the BBC’s coverage of the Truth protest and sticking your site’s name all over it.
10) I’m not jealous, I’ve nothing to be jealous of. Spending my days with two 17 year olds isn’t my idea of fun, especially not the dopey pair in the Koptalk shed. Nor is chasing overweight executives of football clubs like Newcastle. Ten years of making “pie jokes” would be wearing a bit thin now, even if I wasn’t. I don’t like being the centre of attention either.
11) This blog isn’t just a couple of people. It’s possible becuase of the support we get from those who send us emails, or leave comments, or spread the word on other site.s The blog is big. Bigger than Oldham’s belly. And that’s big.

Anyway, what had I written? It’s long, as always, although most of it is Oldham’s rantings….

Read the rest of this entry »

Dream dream dream – Dunk and his "family"

(Warning: This is a long post).

Half an hour browsing around Koptalk yesterday afternoon gave me such a laugh. This was before I saw Dunk post his letter from the Irish businessman. As you probably know, unless you’re a new reader, this blog was set up to poke fun at a morbidly obese liar who took money from unsuspecting Reds in return for stories he made up about goings on at Anfield.

In no time at all it soon became clear that Oldham had no inside information whatsoever, he had not one single contact at the club. But it also became clear that Oldham’s “sins” were much more serious than pretending he had regular tea and cake with Rick Parry.

We also found his love of The S*n stretched further than him wearing a hat advertising the hated rag in France during the 1998 World Cup.

All of this is on the blog, accessible either by using the search button or using the quick links at the top of the page.

My half-hour had started off like days of old. Dunk lies to his members, telling them (or hinting) that he knows what’s happening inside the club. But he makes it all up as he goes along, and forgets most of it. In the old days this wasn’t much of a problem – if anyone questioned him about one of his old “exclusives” he’d just delete the question. Or on a generous day he’d give a quick fob-off for an answer, deleting the thread soon after, before too many got suspicious. And there’d be little evidence of his “exclusive” from those prior months. He’d make sure the posts didn’t stick around too long.

Yesterday one of his members remembered what Dunk had promised him. At the moment it’s impossible to tell who is a trusting member of Koptalk and who is a member fully-versed in Dunk’s scams and asking questions in mock innocence. I’ve no idea which of those “Dave100” counts as, or if he’s one those members who have started to wonder what the hell is going on inside the site they pay £30 for. Dunk had promised more information would be forthcoming in the second week of May about West Ham’s Tevez. But Dunk forgot, because Dunk’s a rather thick bungling idiot.

If he had a brain there’d be less material for the blog…


#161033 – Today at 11:58 AM
Dunk, 2nd Week in May
Dave100 Dave100
KopTalk Member
Registered: 23/10/03
Posts: 5999
Loc: Wigan
…option on Tevez?

We are into that 2nd week now.

Any news?

Or will it be after Sunday’s game do you think?

Cheers
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(Cut to Wallsend and Steve has to use the wrong end of the broom handle to wake the gross liar from his slumbers. Removing his ear-plugs now that fatty has finally ceased snoring, the young apprentice points at the computer screen. Dunk has to think fast. And for someone who has trouble thinking, that’s a big ask…)

#161039 – Today at 12:01 PM
Re: Dunk, 2nd Week in May [Re: Dave100]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
My thoughts were that we’d hear something around the 15th which a key date for us. However with us now reaching the final this changes things (in my opinion) so we may have to wait until after the final for these things to be addressed by the management.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(Even by your standards that’s poor Dunk. First of all, the 15th is actually in the third week of May, not the second, but the rest of it is absolute shite. We know you make things up, and this proves it. So Liverpool are going to turn round to the clubs of potential targets and say, “Oh, would you mind awfully if we didn’t talk about signings until after Athens? Could you tell other interested clubs to hang back as well? What’s that? Yes, I know we were discussing it right in the middle of the season, but this one extra match, big as it is, means we’ve got to stop chatting about transfers.” I’ve heard Rick Parry getting some stick today, and in the absence of answers to some of the questions asked it might turn out to be justified, but even Mr Parry’s not that inept. Poor show Dunk, poor show. “Dave100” pretends (I assume) to agree…)
#161044 – Today at 12:03 PM
Re: Dunk, 2nd Week in May [Re: Dunk]
Dave100 Dave100
KopTalk Member
Registered: 23/10/03
Posts: 5999
Loc: Wigan
Ok, thanks

I thought as much. Don’t want to unsettle the squad before the CL final i guess.

Stay focused and all that.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(‘Phew!’ thinks lardy, ‘I’ve got away with it.’)
#161050 – Today at 12:05 PM
Re: Dunk, 2nd Week in May [Re: Dave100]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
Makes sense doesn’t it 🙂
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(Er, let me think. Makes sense? Does it bollocks.)

The following post made me laugh. Some people reading this will know why.


#160554 – Yesterday at 10:10 PM
big problem 4 me
wezo23 wezo23

KopTalk Member

Registered: 18/10/04
Posts: 3290
Loc: carrickmacross
im due to fly out on sunday morning from ireland to go see liverpool play charlton on sunday. but i cant find my passport. i have searched high and low in the house and cant find it anywhere. had it for sure in march when we went to rome. any tips?????

I don’t want to comment much further than to say that this person has been mentioned on the blog before. He’s a victim who knows he’s a victim of Dunk’s scams. Think “ticket tout” and “FA Cup Final” and “£1600” plus “For Lauren”. And yet he goes back for more. I think anyone asking a forum for help on where he might have put his passport is probably beyond help, and proof of why Dunk’s found it so easy to rip so many people off…

Then I found this. What was Dunk doing, offering CL tickets for £1? Or to be more accurate, my thought process was more along the lines of, “What does the fat liar really mean by this?” It soon became clear…


#161001 – Today at 11:40 AM
Champions League Final tickets for £1?
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
Coming up later today… your chance to win Champions League final tickets in the Liverpool section!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;
(And a quick comment from underage Katrina…)

#161009 – Today at 11:45 AM Re: Champions League Final tickets for £1?
Katie Katie Administrator
KopTalk.com

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 4026
Loc: UK
Are you serious? Why have I not been told about this? Can I not buy it if I pay £2??? 😉
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

(A couple of other comments appeared before in walked fat boy once again. It later turned out that this comment was about the Irish businessman he thinks was winding him up…)
#161032 – Today at 11:58 AM
Re: Champions League Final tickets for £1? [Re: Katie]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
I don’t have any tickets to sell – sorry.

We did receive a lovely email yesterday from a member of our ‘fan club’ pretending to be a businessman after flights and tickets… you can take the member out of KopTalk but you can’t take KopTalk out of the member
– – ———————-

I’ve just read that last comment again and can’t quite work out what Dunk meant. He’s saying that one of those many people that can’t stand him or his scams had emailed him pretending to be someone else. Using an alias perhaps? Claiming things that weren’t true, maybe? So why is Dunk saying “you can take the member out of KopTalk but you can’t take KopTalk out of the member”? I read that this way: If you become a Koptalk member, you learn about telling mistruths, or lies, and even when you leave, you’ll still be telling lies and so on. Is that what he meant? Is he admitting that Koptalk is run on a bed of lies? Or did he mean something else, but his thickness tripped him up? Who knows? Dunk doesn’t.

Shortly afterwards he posted the email from the businessman. Probably a bit of a backfire to do so, but Dunk rarely gets anything right.

Then again, he’s not the only one. Here’s another exciting post from the £30 members’ only website that nobody wants to join…


#161168 – Today at 01:10 PM
FLMAO
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
Just heard this from the next room to me…

“**** me! It’s printing 1173 pages, how do I stop it?!”

KopTalk… no. 1 for getting things right

So, after composing myself again at such a mirth-bringing post I started to wonder what the 1173 pages might have been from. Stolen credit card details from those trying to book flights through his scammy offer? Personal details taken illegally last summer by the anti-Red site from members who would not be allowed to use the product they’d paid for until they’d complied with these new rules (including the “post once a month or you’re out” rule)? Or was it the affiliate terms and conditions for the Virgin Games website fatty was using for his offer of tickets for £1? You see generous fatty was actually asking his members to sign up to Virgin Games’ Poker website, depositing whatever minimum they require. As part of this, Virgin Games have a game where you can win CL tickets. So you download the software (after clicking on the link that includes Fatty’s affiliate code) and fatty pockets a load of commission.

With any other site we’d not have a problem. But this is fatty, and he tries to sell this whole idea as if he’s got the tickets to start with, then gradually admits he hasn’t. But he never admits that he’ll get commission for everyone who signs up and deposits money. Or that it’s likely to cost each member much more than £1 to be able to enter the competition, after they’ve made minimum deposits.

But I don’t think he actually read the Terms and Conditions of the agreement he has with Virgin Games.

If you look at the Virgin Games website you can see those Ts&Cs, at http://www.virgingames.com/affiliates/Terms.aspx. Notably these sections (I’ve added my own emphasis for what I consider applies most to Oldham…)

You should not apply to our Affiliate Program if you do not agree with the following terms and conditions. If you have any queries about the content of this Agreement, please email us at affiliates@virgingames.com.

7.3. We may reject your application if we determine in our sole discretion that your website is not suitable for the our Affiliate Program for any reason, including but not limited to: inclusion of content on your website that we consider is in any way unlawful, harmful, threatening, defamatory, obscene, harassing, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable. By way of example only, this may include:

1. sexually explicit, pornographic or obscene content (whether in text or graphics);
2. speech or images that are offensive, profane, hateful, threatening, harmful, defamatory, libellous, harassing or discriminatory (whether based on race, ethnicity, creed, religion, gender, sexual orientation, physical disability or otherwise);
3. graphic violence;
4. politically sensitive or controversial issues or
5. any unlawful behaviour or conduct.

7.4. We shall reject your application if:

1. your website is designed to appeal to minors;
2. your website infringes or appears to infringe any intellectual property rights;
3. your website does not match the website design, architecture, content or target standards we require of our revenue share Affiliates. Such standards exclude, for example: confusing navigation, heavy loading, design inconsistencies, lack of/scarce use of written/editorial content, low traffic ratings or non gaming targeted traffic (we may advise you to apply to our CPA network partner instead);
4. your website is under construction;
5. your website is hosted in a jurisdiction where online gaming advertising is prohibited by law; or
6. you are already a registered Affiliate on our Affiliate Program.

In other words, Duncan Oldham should not have applied to this affiliate programme. So if you’ve time, please email the address above and warn Mr Branson’s lot that they’ve a fat copyright stealing liar promoting their product in a fairly misleading way, on his porn-ridden site full of threats towards anyone who disagrees with him. You get the idea. The more people who get in touch with them the quicker they’ll deal with him.

Richard Branson doing business with the charity thief that is Duncan Oldham? I somehow don’t think he’d like that.

This next one was funny too….

#161381 – Today at 05:25 PM
FAO Dunk
Hall10 Hall10
KopTalk Member

Registered: 05/09/06
Posts: 105
Dunk, With the possibility of “Ged” becoming Newcastle manager, and with Owen already there and their possible signing of Cisse…. Will you be switching clubs and starting BARCODETALK.COM??? 😀
— — — — — — — — —
#161385 – Today at 05:31 PM Re: FAO Dunk [Re: Hall10]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18789 Now it’s funny you should say that

I’ve been asked to help with loads of football club websites in the past including Newcastle. Sadly when I told people this a few members of my ‘fan club’ on other sites tried to make a big deal out of this. I’ve tested the water and have an interest in a few live projects but it’s a big secret so don’t tell anyone

I’d love to see Ged back though but not at Newcastle as he deserves better.
— — — — — — — — —

So the story changes again. Dunk alternates constantly between admitting he had set up a Newcastle website and a Spurs website, and saying he only offered advice after “being approached for help”. He sometimes claims he had a site planned for, of all teams, Nottingham Forest! The truth is that he set up site for Spurs, and a site for Newcastle. Neither got many hits, and one of them was based on software he hadn’t paid for. He closed both down a year ago.

It was some time later that he applied for a licence from the Premier League to use photographs of Premier League football games on his site. He lied on his application. If you’ve time, can you ring the Premier League and tell them he doesn’t have numerous sites covering numerous football clubs? He only has the LFC site, and that means he should have got permission from LFC, not the Premier League. It’s LFC’s decision how much he should pay for the licence, not the Premier League’s, if his site only features LFC! He lied to the Premier League to get his licence.

Give them a call, tell them the truth, and mention to them that he also thinks the licence includes the actual fees for the use of each photo too. It doesn’t, and he uses those photos without paying for them. Copyright theft.

Shortly afterwards I noticed he had changed the page talking about the flights to Athens. This was a little after I’d had an email from Trading Standards saying they were looking into this offer. Perhaps he’d been warned about the credit card stuff.

Looks like one member doesn’t want to pay £30 for a complete pile of crap…

#161623 – 24 minutes 22 seconds ago
Yo Dunk..(possible goodbye to everyone)
Vish Vish
KopTalk Member

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 762
Just catching up on my email since my long holiday and have noticed i’m about 2 days away from my subscription ending. I am having second thoughts as whether to renew only because I am a little concerned at the value for money aspect. £30 is a alot of money (especially to a newly graduated unemployed lazy cnut like me).

Any new plans for this summer or up-coming seasons? I do like the fact that there’s loads of videos on here and I can easily catch up with stuff if I’m out the country etc.

Are other members having second thoughts whether to renew? No hidden agendas here Dunk, been around for a while here now just thought i’d weigh up my options if thats cool. If i am going i’ll just take an opportunity to thank everyone at Koptalk plus the excellent contributors for making this a top site
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
#161635 – 6 minutes 0 seconds ago
Re: Yo Dunk..(possible goodbye to everyone) [Re: Vish]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18806 If you’re genuinely unemployed and a bit skint then we can help you. The site isn’t about squeezing money out of our members, it’s about ticking over.(My arse!) For less than 9p-a-day I know it’s worth it because of the amount of time we put in but I guess i’m going to say that 🙂 (And we’re off again, starry-eyed Dunk actually believing people still fall for this crap)

There are plenty of other LFC sites on the web that are supported by donations or advertising, or they have a team (group of friends) that chip in to pay the bills. Sadly I’m on my own with the help of family and friends and I’ve chosen to have an optional membership and the site was free to all from 1998/99 until we switched to subs.(Was this during the dot com boom that made you those millions you turned down, or whatever it is you normally drone on about?)

Contrary to popular belief, that means we take less revenue than when we were open to all.(Are you still unwaged, or have you stopped claiming that now? It’s hard to say you’re unwaged when you spend so much on cars and gadgets, without drawing attention to the lack of proof Lauren ever got the money you’d collected for her.) If it was about money I would make the site open to all and rake it in on the ad revenue.(You normally claim there is no money in net ads any more. Like the S*n ones you ran, but not just those. So why’s that story changed again?) The reason I prefer it this way is that it helps keep out rival fans and other idiots. (You mean it makes it harder for anyone to spread the word about you. You prefer to keep them in your little concentration camp instead, where they can’t speak to each other without being watched!) Since we’ve gone members only we’re also online every minute of every day overseeing things.(He means he has NY drop-out Smoove logged on overnight, and 17-year-old UK college drop-out Katrina on during the day, with him and his dopey step-bro doing the rest of the shifts. Why? Because they need to swoop on suicide posts as quickly as possible, they can’t afford many more people to see the anger they’ve caused.)

Since going members only we have stepped up to the best hosting available in the country (but at a price). (Yes – we checked. After reading your claims of £600 per month I actually found out the true price. £97 per month. That’s over £500 less than you claimed. Mr Bullshit. £97 isn’t too bad, for a managed service aimed at those who don’t know what they’re doing.) It’s an invisible feature I guess because you guys won’t think about that kind of stuff. I like the security of a 5 minute response time when the site goes down and regular updates rather than waiting hours and hours for a support request to be answered, never mind dealt with, when the site is down.(As long as you put the support request in though Dunk – when you were away on your “jolly” to Barca with your members money, your site was down for a good few hours. Nobody told UKFast it was down. You’ve only got the most basic service they do. £97).

We’ve registered with the Premier League since going members only have and stumped up our licence fees and spent thousands of pounds getting you guys the best match photos without having to lift them for you.(See above – again, try and give the Premier League a call. Tell them Dunk’s licence was obtained by deception. And ask them if Dunk’s actually been paying the agencies for each photo.)

Maybe these things mean little but the point I’m trying to make I guess is that we don’t pocket revenue. (Ah – off we go again)We invest every single penny back into the site.(So how do you pay for food then fatty? You eat a lot of it. And your car? Don’t pretend it’s property, we know it’s not. How do you live? Benefits? You contradict yourself too much.) It would be easy to save on hosting, we could ditch the photos and open up the forums to non members but I like the way things are now. It generally attracts more sensible people.(Like wezo23?)

We’ve also given away loads of match tickets and have made many Reds happy as a result. Maybe we need to fix a comp so you win (You can’t get match tickets you said earlier? Another contradiction. You started to give them away as soon as you realised we were watching. And you do fix the competitions. Don’t you?)

(He’s still not finished…)I see it more of people supporting us if they like what we do rather than buying into something for the sake of it. Because at the end of the day I like to think of it as a family and I think that’s why thousands of members renew every year. But we can’t meet the needs of everyone.(THOUSANDS! I think not. In fact I know not. But “thousands” means at least two thousand, which would be sixty grand in membership fees. Where does it all go? Is it declared? Well for starters I would be surprised if he’d even had 100 new members in the last 12 months. And whatever he does get in doesn’t get declared anywhere. It’s all hidden away in PayPal accounts. (For now).)

At the end of the day we’re just ordinary fans, we’re not a big player, we don’t have the resources of the big boys but we give 110% and if that’s not good enough or if that doesn’t warrant support, there’s not much more we can do 🙂 (Oh dear, dear me. Violin please.)

I’ve just paid for a site upgrade here which should happen soon. I also hope to have some new skins developed for people at work so the forums don’t stand out too much for them and fit in more with their work environment! (Paid for it? I should hope so, because you didn’t pay for it when you used it on your porn site. And you’ve also been looking at changing to the Exponent content management system, which is free open-source software. So don’t be trying to claim you paid for that if you do ever work out how to install it.)

We pay for a chat room, the podcast, the radio service, the SMS alerts (which cost us thousands of pounds every month or so), the match photos, the licences, the best hosting (bnest business host 3 years running I believe), 24/7 moderation, the best prizes… I don’t really know what else I could give. (He’s not mentioned the SMS alerts for a while. Those alerts that people get for a very short time before they all dry up. The ones that keep being reduced all the time. And if you’re now saying you pay for the moderation does that mean that you are all now getting a wage? Contradictions again.)

If people go on holiday they can let us know and we’ll call them at the hotel to let them know what’s happening at LFC or we can text them or fax them. If someone’s stuck on the tube and they need to know what’s happening at Anfield they can text Steve to ask and he’ll text back. If someone can’t get an LFC kit we’ll go to the club shop and buy what they want and send to them wherever they are in the world at cost, no profit…. it’s the small things that cost nothing that are probably welcomed the most. Oh yeh and our transfer deadline day updates are priceless (Has anyone ever had regular personalised updates on holiday? Can you get text messages out from the tube, considering it’s underground? Kits at cost? Do you add petrol money onto those costs for the journey from your Wallsend bunker to the club shop four hours’ drive away? And how about those special shirts you supply – you know the ones that you and Steve write on with black marker and claim Reds players signed them? How come you charge an extra 200 quid for those? Cost only? Bullshit.)

I hope you choose to stay but if you don’t, I wish you well(If he pays, great, if not – get stuffed. As many other members of “the family” found.)

And if you do go, and you don’t need to earn your “I’ve been banned by KopTalk badge” to parade on other sites after acting like a 2-year-old, I’ll even let you have one of my finest steak pies 😉 (That pie joke’s wearing thin as fast as you’re growing fat. And I thought you didn’t ban anyone anyway)

So half an hour in the afternoon, perhaps 15 minutes in the evening, and Dunk made that many mistakes. Dunk drew attention to the fact that there are sites outside the commune. Sites that attack him. And some members will now be using Google to find those sites. And more members will leave as they learn the truth about the Newcastle-season-ticket holder who has spent the last eight years conning Liverpool fans.

Well done Dunk – you market this site better than anyone these days!

Frequently Told Lies

A new gem!

I’ve not been around much of late for various reasons, but I’ve kept a brief eye on things. I’ve glanced at Koptalk from time-to-time and also glanced on here. Thanks for all the kind words I’ve had on here and in the emails I’ve actually managed to read. The offers of pints I hope I can take up one day, although I’d have to buy you one back of course!

I’ve not actually done much reading of my email. I’ve popped my head around the door of the gmail account two or three times this week but with something like 600 unread emails it’s a little daunting!

Thanks to everyone who’s helped to keep the blog going in recent weeks and months, most of all of course Rupert who’s done some excellent work and really kept the heat on.

Today I thought I’d have a little nosy at Koptalk. I went to the main site first, with the intention of clicking one of those misleading “members only” headlines so I could have a good nosy at that too.

But something caught my eye first. Dunk’s added an FAQ! FAQ, for those who didn’t know, stands for “Frequently Asked Questions”. In Dunk’s case you just know each FAQ will be answered with a FTL (Frequently Told Lie).

I had to have a read. I had to see if, for once, he’s told the truth. You never know, maybe he’s finally turned over a new leaf. He’s just been to the USA for a month (How did he pay for that? After all, he is unwaged or so he keeps telling us). Perhaps he saw how bad some of those US religious cults look and realised it was time to stop trying to convert people to his own version of a cult. Then again, maybe he picked up some new techniques from those cults.

So what did he say? Read on…

In the summer of 2006 we cleaned up our member’s community and cancelled the memberships of a small group of people. (First sentence, first untruth! Anyone who was a member of Koptalk on the basis of a previous promise of being allowed a lifetime membership, was kicked out. Pay up or piss off was the basic message.) New members were starting to feel intimidated by a small group of members who had been with the site for several years. (But that wasn’t the problem. If you paid you stayed. Plenty of those left behind were and are capable of intimidation, but the truth is that Dunk only wanted paying members on his site. Those who’d paid various amounts for lifetime membership, or had done various deeds in return for honorary membership were dumped. There was also a distinct possibility that Dunk thought he would get rid of us if he got rid of all his free members. He didn’t manage that – I still have access to the site and I’ve not paid a penny to him for many, many years.) It has always been our policy that a member who has been with the site for years is no more important than a member who joins today.(As long as you pay you are important. Sorry, as long as you pay and don’t ask difficult questions you are important.) We like everyone to be equal with no kind of favouritism. As a result of our decision to clean up our community a campaign was launched against KopTalk by those we ejected.(Another re-invention of history. When this blog started, just over a year ago, Dunk had both a free site and a pay site. It was a good few months after this blog was launched before he started his “clean up”. I suppose he had tried a bit of a clean-up early on, but that was done by banning people at random in an angry way because he couldn’t work out who we were. Time after time he thought he’d worked out who we were, only to find us posting away on here as ever. I started this blog, and was never banned from Koptalk. I started it to have a laugh at Dunk’s made-up-insider-information. He over-reacted and plotted his own downfall. Dunk “cleaned up” his community as a reaction to this blog!) On this page we want to try and answer some of their claims that you may have seen posted around the internet on the websites they set-up to target us. (We’ve set up this web-site, so why “websites” plural? To make it sound worse than it is? This one blog is all there is. For the first couple of weeks of its life the blog was hosted elsewhere, and I’ve experimented with other free hosting services, but this is the only website purely devoted to outing Duncan Oldham, the conman, liar and thief. Other than this site, we’ve been mentioned on just about every UK-based LFC website, INCLUDING THE OFFICIAL SITE! We are linked to from many LFC sites. Very few people disagree with what we are trying to achieve with this blog. We want everyone who is considering using Koptalk to know the truth about it before parting with money. We want everyone who’s already parted with their cash to know what they are helping to support. Most people who know the truth, or at least read this blog with an open mind, leave Koptalk on the spot, or at least make the decision that they’ll leave once they’ve used up their sub. Remember – read it with an open mind. When one of Oldham’s lies is pointed out, no matter how trivial, it’s usually easy enough to see there and then that it’s a lie, or untrue. In this intro to his FAQ he’s told a few lies already. He is incapable of honesty. He has to lie. And when he does, he trips himself up every time).

KOPTALK.COM

Q. Is it true that the owner of KopTalk is a fat Geordie who supports Newcastle?

A. It is true that the owner is fat but he like all of us here are Liverpool through and through. Dunk has supported the Reds since he was a young lad. The first game he attended was the Liverpool Everton FA Cup Final in 1986 when he was 11. He has a Liverbird tattoo on his chunky arm and he was married at the Anfield stadium in 1999. Scouse he is not, he’s a proud Yorkshireman and out-of-towner – maybe some Reds don’t like the fact that he’s an OOT and that he runs a Liverpool website? (Does this answer include any lies? He’s fat, and he’s proud that he’s fat, so that’s not a lie. Liverpool through and through? Well we’ve had it on good authority that he was a Leeds United fan as a child. He turned to Liverpool later. And later still he turned to Newcastle. More on that later. He’s not a Geordie, as many Geordies have been desperate for us to point out. He’s from Scarborough, where he’s well known for his scams, some of which started when he was working part-time in a chippy in the seaside town. And it’s probably because of that notoriety that he had to move to Wallsend near Newcastle, along with his mother who is also notorious in the town. The claim that he attended the FA Cup Final in 1986, at the age of 11, actually messes him up on one of his other lies. To justify himself when questioned in late 2005 about why he wore a S*n hat (as in the boycotted newspaper) in 1998 he claimed he wore it because he didn’t know about the boycott. He knew enough about us in 1986 to be able to get tickets for and go to the FA Cup Final. Three years later and that newspaper printed those lies, and that boycott began. He would have been 14 if what he says above is true. Yet he claimed that in 1998 he didn’t know about the boycott! (Even though we’ve shown proof on here that he knew full-well about the boycott in 1998 – because he spoke about it online). He’s a liar and his lies about The S*n are probably his most despicable ones. He buys the S*n (he admitted as much on his own “free” site last summer, before he closed it down. Tattoo on his arm? The only proof we’ve had of that was on his “Video Podcast” some time ago when he dressed with a tea-towel on his head, hiding himself from the camera before his recent bout of bravery. He flashed, very briefly, what looked like a hand-drawn (with marker pen) drawing of a squashed spider to the camera. But not until he’d started to roll up the wrong sleeve! He was married at Anfield in 1999. And again that event resulted later on in him tripping himself up with another lie. Last summer he claimed his real name wasn’t Duncan Oldham! He said it was a name he made up for the internet! But he’d published his wedding menu from Anfield on his site some years ago, which clearly showed his name as Duncan Oldham, getting married to Maria (Hartley). Dunk’s lies always trip him up. Why would he lie about his real name not being Duncan Oldham? He told his trusting customers that Duncan Oldham wasn’t his real name – why? Then there’s the statement on here: “maybe some Reds don’t like the fact that he’s an OOT and that he runs a Liverpool website”. It’s an attempt by Duncan Oldham to try and convince OOTers that this blog is just here to attack an OOTer. But nobody knows whether I’m an OOTer or not! (Well I do, and those who know me do, but I don’t think I’ve ever said where I’m from on here). I’ve got LFC-supporting friends who are scouse, LFC-supporting friends who are from elsewhere in England, or elsewhere in the world. I’m quite strongly minded that LFC should be a club that welcomes fans from any part of the world, scouse or not, English or not, and I’ve had a couple of arguments on other forums about this in the past (not as “Insider” though). I’m not comfortable with some of the hijacking that’s been done on the RTK campaign by some anti-OOTers, because RTK is not an anti-OOT campaign. And I think that point of view is reflected throughout this blog, because one thing Duncan Oldham likes to take advantage of is that any members who live outside of the UK are hard-pressed to take action against him when they’ve been scammed. Most of his fake merchandise is sold to overseas Reds who just can’t easily take action against him. And an OOTer running an LFC website? Not a problem at all, although those websites run from outside Liverpool that I enjoy using don’t actually try and claim that they are run from Liverpool. Duncan Oldham has lied many times about living in Liverpool, about his site being based in Liverpool. Last summer he claimed he had done a deal to buy a house overlooking Melwood, and was using it free-of-charge until the sale went through. He claimed that he was negotiating with Chris Waddle to buy his house overlooking Melwood! That was a lie, and very odd one too.)

Q. I read he has a Newcastle United ticket season?

A. Dunk has been a Liverpool FC season ticket holder for around 10 years. The only connection he has with Newcastle is that he has family (who moved there) and property investments in that region. When KopTalk HQ moved to the north east Dunk bought a couple of season tickets to Newcastle for his son who would have been around 5 at the time. This enabled someone to take the lad to see some footy. Usually Steve was dragged into doing this or Dunk’s daughter but guess who took Robbie when the Reds were playing there? Dunk posted in one of his editorials about taking his lad to see a few games, it was no secret but those with a grudge like to try and make a big deal about it. Robbie is 7 today and he’s a big Red. He loves his football but now he’s a little older he’s happy to travel to Anfield to see the Reds play. His Newcastle ticket won’t be renewed for the 2007-08 season – thank God! (Dunk does have a season ticket for Anfield. In fact he has two. One’s in his (estranged) wife’s name. He renewed them for this season. They are in the Lower Centenary, I have the full details of which row they are in and which seats they are. Without giving too much away, the seats are a number between 190 and 210. The row number is between 3 and 7. If you sit anywhere near that and want to know Dunk’s actual season ticket numbers let me know by email and I’ll send you the details. Because Dunk doesn’t go to league games at Anfield any more. He obviously sells his tickets, like he sold his FA Cup final tickets last season for £1600. He’s a tout basically, because I doubt very much he has sold his season tickets at face value. I feel like publishing the full details of his seat numbers on here, but that might hurt the person he’s touted the tickets to. Perhaps I will forward the details on during the close season, so the tickets will be invalid for next season. Dunk doesn’t go to the game any more, but he makes a profit on his season tickets. That’s what LFC is to Dunk – a money-making machine and nothing more. His Newcastle season tickets were probably bought for similar reasons. Newcastle often sell out their fixtures, so he can no doubt make a bit of a profit on his tickets from time to time. When Liverpool play there, or at least for the past two seasons, Dunk is there along with his son and his daughter. So has he got THREE season tickets at St James’s? His son, who he’s named above, was pictured on Dunk’s site wearing a Newcastle shirt at the start of this season. Maybe he’s as fickle as his father when it comes to choosing his favourite team if he’s already changed his allegiances. And has his son been to Anfield? It seems doubtful, given that Dunk sells his season ticket and either sells (at tout prices) or gives away (in illegal competitions) any cup tickets he gets for Anfield. No renewal on the season ticket for 2007-08? Last summer Dunk claimed he’d had to lend money off his mam to pay for his season ticket for Anfield (the one he doesn’t actually use). If that’s the case, then he’d have surely had to borrow off her to buy the Newcastle one too. The recent spending spree they’ve had (even though they are unwaged) has surely made sure he can’t afford the Newcastle ticket this time around.)

Q. But doesn’t he run other club football sites?

A. KopTalk started as a hobby and grew into a huge site. During the years Dunk was approached many times by companies keen to tap into that success and help them establish other websites. He refused to sell KopTalk in 2000 and even rejected an offer of £1.3million for a 10% stake at the time. Again Dunk has always been open about his connection to such projects and revealed he had provided advice for other projects but wouldn’t be directly involved as KopTalk was his baby. Today Dunk has advised with the creation of half a dozen successful websites of various sporting themes. Not one of these sites is associated to any other football clubs here in England. Several years ago two club sites catering for Spurs and Newcastle fans were created purely to test the water. They were closed, rebranded and relaunched in 2006 but nobody from KopTalk is involved with such projects including Dunk himself. To clarify, Dunk has no inpurt or ownership of any other football sites other than KopTalk (and the forthcoming kopfootball.com) but only because he doesn’t have the time, interest or effort, not because he should keep anyone else happy. (Do a whois lookup on spursarmy.com, upthetoon.com, chavgames.com, caboodlenetwork.com and the other variations such as .co.uk and so on. You’ll find those sites were all registered by Duncan Oldham either in his own name, in Steve’s name or in his schoolgirl daughter’s name. Koptalk got off the ground thanks to the hard work of Dunk’s co-owner at the beginning. He soon left Koptalk. Dunk kept it going with his lies and scams, his broken promises and betrayals. He never rejected an offer of £1.3million for a 10% stake. He did hand over control of the domain name for a much, much smaller amount at one point, but in return for some easy money he spent all of his time promoting another domain he’d set up, an early version of his “insider” site. The victims that time were “Footy Mad”. In fact if you search around on “Footy Mad” you can see many of Dunk’s lies and made-up or stolen stories. And his begging-for-sympathy stories after he’d had to put one of his greyhounds down for not being fast enough. He was the sole person responsible for the Spurs and the Newcastle sites I’ve just mentioned. He even claimed last summer that Spurs Army was going to get back off the ground soon, but first of all he had arranged for Steve to go down to London to interview some people to work on it! So if he’s done nothing more than advise, what the hell is Steve doing interviewing people to take over the running of those sites? The truth is, Dunk created those sites. Early readers of the blog will remember how Dunk had actually copied the template for his Koptalk.com site to use on his SpursArmy.com site, but had made errors in various places so that parts of the page on the Spurs site loaded in Liverpool red, and he even had a blue Liverbird as one of the logos on Spurs site! The site disappeared when FusionBB were tipped off that he’d used one licence for their software on at least three sites. Is Dunk ashamed that he ran sites for fans of other clubs? Why lies about it? And where is the proof that he’s “advised” on other sporting sites? This bit made me laugh out loud “Dunk has no inpurt or ownership of any other football sites other than KopTalk (and the forthcoming kopfootball.com) but only because he doesn’t have the time, interest or effort, not because he should keep anyone else happy.” Dunk – read that answer again and try and clear up your contradictions. I’m not bothered that you run sites for other clubs, or that you used to do so. That’s your choice. What does bother me was when Michael Owen was about to sign for Newcastle and you pretended to be “Barry” from UpTheToon.com and thanked yourself (Dunk) for being so kind as to share information with yourself. Why not be honest? Why not be straight?)

Q. Someone on another LFC forum said Dunk’s a control freak and everyone has to agree with his views?

A. Was this person a former member who had been given a size ten up his rear-end for abusing others on one of our formers? (Who’s this former member that abused others on one of your formers? What’s a former?) Numerous former members have commented on how things are at Koptalk, how threads are deleted and locked on the whim of the fat controller and his dribbling helpers.) We have a strict moderation policy called the AUP (Acceptable Use Policy). (And how we’ve laughed at that Gestapo-style directive in the past. If you’ve got time find it and laugh, it’s hilarious without meaning to be.) This can be found on our support site at http://www.koptalk. info Basically providing you are polite and non abusive to other members and the moderators you’re fine. (And don’t question, no matter how politely, anything that Dunk does or says. Seriously – do so and you’ll be banned). Alternative debates are fine and nobody on the internet likes to get a few biting about LFC topics than Dunk but it is nonsense to suggest that you can only say a certain thing about the club. (Saying things about the club aren’t the problem. Saying things about Koptalk are the problem). If anything KopTalk urges you to be an individual and support the Reds how you want to, not how others want you to. Our forums are moderated every minute of every day by KopTalk staff and Dunk rarely gets involved in the moderation.(That’s because Dunk spends most of his time pretending to be someone else. So you’ll see a comment, sounding exactly like Dunk, but attributed to Steve, Katie, Emma (who never actually joined herself after her true identity was revealed on here), Jordy (who doesn’t exist) or even Dunk’s daughter. Dunk moderates, but much of the time he’s pretending to be somewhere else because he’s in hiding from one person or other). If you are a mature Red and you don’t go around offending others, you have nothing to worry about.(As long as you enjoy innuendo-riddled conversations with 17-year-old girls like Katrina/Katie on this “mature” forum.) People ban themselves on KopTalk. (Dunk’s catchprase, apart from “Blog That!”) We enjoy banter and we like to see people getting stuck into each other about their different club views. But we expect our members to respect each other. From time to time people clash but they usually kiss and make up. If they don’t and they continue with some kind of vendetta against another member, we bin them, end of. (Anyone else hate the phrase “end of”? It usually comes from people who aren’t able to explain there reasons for doing or saying something. It’s a bit like “because it is”.)

Q. KopTalk doesn’t campaign enough for fan issues?

A. This is a tricky one because behind the scenes we assist many fans with various LFC issues. But we won’t force any of our members or casual visitors to do a certain thing. We believe it’s about the choice of the individual whether they do or don’t do a certain thing. How someone chooses to support the club is not our business. We want our members and casual visitors to enjoy what free time they have online with us and not to get pressurised into doing something just because in the eyes of someone else, they’re not worthy enough unless they do. We will support fan issues if those behind certain campaigns run certain things by us. There are plenty of outlets on the net were people can get involved with various campaigns and we’re happy to point you in the right directions.

(Ha ha! Behind the scenes you assist many fans with various LFC issues? What like? You’re a liar Dunk, you clearly do no such thing. You’ve no contacts at the club, you’ve no clout with any supporters groups (most know who you are and condemn you completely) – what can you do? What about the Michael Shields campaign? Did you ever pay up, in full, the money you claimed you were going to pay? Remember, the amount you kept boasting about. You did it to justify the fact that you took a domain name related to Michael and pointed it to a part of your own site that included those lucrative pop-up ads you’re so fond of. You bought a domain name and created a special section on your forum to point it at, to make money from Michael Shields. Only when you got some stick for it did you PLEDGE some money. Did you pay it all up? As for campaigns, you jumped quite heavily onto the RTK bandwagon. So another contradiction isn’t it? You suddenly support RTK when they produce such a memorable six minutes as they did at the Arsenal FA Cup game. So why publicise that, yet disregard the S*n boycott? In fact your next question covers the S*n boycott.

Q. Is it true that KopTalk supports The Sun newspaper?

A. This is a silly one. That’s how low some rivals have to swoop to try and earn brownie points. To use the innocent lives of 96 Reds to try and target us disgusts us but doesn’t surprise us. As stated above if people want to buy The Sun newspaper then that’s their right. We wouldn’t encourage them to do so for many reasons but we have no right to tell people what they will or won’t do. We’d prefer it if they didn’t buy the rag and we’d encourage them to boycott it but that’s as far as it goes.

(Silly? Despicable more like. Brownie Points? Disgust actually. The S*n is boycotted because they tried to turn the blame for Hillsborough back onto the Liverpool supporters. Worse than that, they made claims that our supports pissed on the dead bodies of those fans who lost their lives. They made claims they we pickpocketed from them. Do some research if you’ve never seen what the S*n wrote. They’ve never apologised, apart from a half-baked attempt after Wayne Rooney had sold his soul to them. The editor at the time, Kelvin MacKenzie admits he knew that they were lies that he allowed to be printed, but he really does not care. What The S*n and Kelvin MacKenzie did played a big part in our 96 lost ones not getting the justice they deserved. That’s why that Arsenal game in January started off with six minutes of singing for justice for the 96, and why the Kop held up a mosaic for those six minutes asking for “The Truth”. Not everyone knows about the boycott of The S*n, and it’s not unusual to see a naive forum member on one LFC forum or other quote from that rag. Usually the poster is told about the boycott (sometimes politely) and the poster apologises. Later on a moderator removes the offending quotes. Nobody questions the boycott. Nobody feels it needs to be debated, perhaps with the exception of a debate over what it would take for the boycott to be lifted. Everyone agrees though – the S*n is boycotted and it will stay boycotted until the families say otherwise.

Except on Koptalk. On Koptalk last summer I saw an exchange where Dunk’s moderators attacked someone who pointed out that quotes from the S*n weren’t welcome. Then Dunk came along and locked the thread, claiming his readers don’t want to be bothered with serious things like that. As the summer went on Dunk’s true feelings about The S*n became more and more apparent. He told more lies about why he wore a hat promoting The S*n at France ’98, even though he’d known about the boycott at the time he was wearing it. And then I spotted a pattern. Some of his news stories linking Liverpool with players from other clubs didn’t appear anywhere else on News Now. Love it or hate it, News Now have long since stopped including stories from The S*n on their LFC page. So how did Dunk get these stories, some of which included quotes from players or managers? Google News helped me to find the answer. Stick a player’s name and part of his quote onto Google News and you’d find the story’s source. The S*n. Google News don’t actually boycott The S*n, so a search on Google News will include their stories in the results. Often there would only be one result with those quotes. Usually if it appeared anywhere else in Google News other than the S*n it was on some newspaper from overseas many hours later. But Dunk had taken the story and used it as his own on Koptalk. And with Google News a relatively new service, most Reds hadn’t a clue that Dunk had got his story from The S*n. Soon Dunk’s story would be number one on News Now – well it was the only story on there linking us to player “X”. Dunk’s now banned from News Now. For the second and hopefully final time. Dunk tried hard to defend himself over this. He was asked questions by his members. One day he claimed that Liverpool players spoke to The S*n. (The BBC are notorious for taking comments given by a player to a press conference and following them with “told the Sun”.) LFC PLAYERS DO NOT TALK TO THE SUN. Dunk tried to make out this wasn’t true. “Rushian”, well known on many Liverpool websites, pointed out to Dunk that he was wrong to say Reds players spoke to the S*n. Dunk again had a go, claiming Rushian was wrong, “and you know it”. The thread was locked. Then Dunk claimed that Peter Crouch had been speaking to the S*n. And what’s more, Dunk said he had the tape to prove it. And, like any true Liverpool supporter would he claimed he was going to use that tape to end Crouch’s career whenever he felt like it! LFC Fan? Sure.

Shortly afterwards Dunk admitted to buying the S*n. In fact he claimed he had it delivered every day, along with some other papers, but he claimed he bribed or threatened the paper boy to give it to him free of charge. Then he filmed him and Steve burning that day’s edition. And then he said he had to buy another copy so that he could type out the story that he’d been so outraged over.

Using the 96 to have a go at Dunk? Days before the anniversary I think his claims are insensitive to say the least, but Dunk took advantage of that boycott to make himself some money. As for supporting the S*n, well he refused to allow any discussion on the matter on his sites and actually seemed to be trying to persuade his members to soften their stance towards the rag. It’s an ideal paper for him, he hates the fact that he can’t talk openly about something he read in there that morning. The other way he supports it is that he copies directly from the BBC their round-up of that morning’s newspaper football stories. He never removes the references to the S*n, claiming outrageously that he CAN’T remove those references (even though it’s a cut and paste job). By removing any threads that inform his members about the boycott and the reasons for it, then printing quotes from the BBC talking about stories in it, he is effectively encouraging his members to satisfy their curiosity by going out and buying a copy of it. If that sells one extra paper for the S*n, then I consider that to be supporting it. Koptalk supports The S*n. )

Q. Fair enough but what about running ads for The Sun newspaper on KopTalk?

A. KopTalk has never taken a single penny from The Sun for advertising. Our advertising is organised and displayed by advertising agencies with the exception of Blue Square and Amazon. Every month the agencies add new campaigns. None of the agencies we use now or we have used in the past notify you of what ads will be run. If an offending ad is displayed, once notified we can disable the particular ad but only once we are aware. With Google Ads you can block/ban certain websites (advertisements) before they appear so obviously we have banned the website of The Sun newspaper. From time to time offending ads can appear, not just from The Sun but also from other advertisers that are maybe not appropriate. Any LFC site signed up to the same advertising agencies would have the same problem. In the entire history of KopTalk we have had to disable adverts for The Sun newspaper twice. The minute we’re made aware of such ads we disable them for obvious reasons. If anyone out there thinks we’d actually knowingly run ads for The Sun they must either be very naive or very, very stupid.

The last time S*n ads appeared on Koptalk, Duncan Oldham played a game of pretending he didn’t know where they were. It’s well documented on here how he played this game, not taking any action until his members had got pretty irate. At the time there were only three possible sources for ads on his site to appear in such a way. Instead of going into the control panel for each one of those three he played his game. He did it to prove a point, to attract attention. As he admits himself above, he hates being told what to do, and he no doubt had a great thrill to see how he’d upset so many Reds. He made no apology for those ads appearing. He instead had a go at those who’d complained. Liverpool fan?)

Q. Loads of Liverpool sites are free, why isn’t KopTalk?

A. Our site was free for years but when Dunk wanted to scale it down to concentrate on his kids, he wanted to concentrate on a more limited readership base. A membership helps deter rival fans and internet trolls. Rather than have the site plastered in adverts, we chose to generate revenue by way of an optional membership fee. Many fans website accepts donations and give little back, we don’t ask for donations, we offer an optional membership to our website with no advertising, free worldwide LFC alerts by SMS and much more. We also ensure that a member of the KopTalk team is online every minute of every day to ensure the forums are kept safe and sensible for our members. All for less than 9p-a-day! And if you disagree with the option of joining, you don’t join. That way everyone’s happy!

(Dunk wanted to concentrate on his kids? He doesn’t see his kids except at weekends and school holidays, and he’s not seen them for a month if he’s actually been in the US for a month. His wife has custody of them. And she wasn’t in the states with him either, despite his tales that she was. He scrapped his free sites because he couldn’t keep on top of the hundreds of outraged Reds that were trying to spread the news about him. Especially when most of his moderators upped sticks and left in disgust. He scrapped his free site. Then he ditched his members on the paysite who’d paid for a lifetime membership. He figured if he restricted his membership to just those who were paying £30 a year he’d get rid of people wanting to spread the word about him. It didn’t work though, there are still many of his members who are fully aware of his scams and have stopped posting, just waiting for the day before their membership runs out so they can make one last, significant post. If Dunk could find a way of bringing back his free sites with the same levels of hits he used to get he would bring them back – as long as nobody could spread the word about him. That’s why his expensive site (£30 a year more than any other “fan” site) doesn’t have a Private Message facility. That’s why you can’t view a fellow member’s profile. He is frightened to death of his members reading this blog with an open mind, away from his control. The fear of a “suicide post” is the reason he has Smoove logging on overnight and Katrina logged on all day. )

Q. Is it true that Dunk has a disabled cousin and ‘scammed’ tens of thousands of pounds from her through fundraising?

A. If you’re a complete loon, yes! Not satisifed with using Hillsborough to try and discredit the site, our former (banned) members and the sites that choose to rival us, try to claim that Dunk would target a family member and profit from her paralysis. Complete nonsense as usual. At first they said she didn’t exist, then she wasn’t really disabled.. if it wasn’t so sad you’d laugh! Then when she came on the site’s podcast to silence these idiots they said she was an actress. Remember, if you ever see such claims, ask them to report them to the police. It’s one thing targeting Dunk and the site but to stoop so low to target a young Red is another thing.

(This one hit Dunk hard. His cousin, Lauren, genuinely is disabled. She’s very unlucky to say the least. I don’t fully remember the start of Dunk’s campaign to raise funds for her, but it all began with the news she’d been hit with the bad news that she was paralysed. Dunk started to raise money from his members to pay money to her parents to pay their mortgage and so on. People were donating big money, sometimes as standing orders. Later on Dunk started a website for Lauren. It consisted mainly of plugs for Koptalk, but included details of how members could donate to her. Cheques were to be made payable to Dunk’s mum, not Lauren’s mum. Dunk used his own PayPal address for online donations “for Lauren”. He sold footballs that were signed – he claimed falsely – by Liverpool players, “for Lauren”, at over £100 a time. He sold numerous fake shirts for at least £200 a time. He sold cup tickets (including FA Cup final tickets at £1600) “for Lauren”. He collected well over a thousand pounds in one day from Paddy Power, including a £300 donation “For Lauren”. In the early days of the appeal some people donated goods rather than money, so Lauren got a laptop for example. But later on it was always money. Dunk made a big fuss on his site about how he wanted to raise money for a special hand-powered bike for Lauren. The balls and the Cup final tickets alone would have paid for that. Except it never appeared. There was never a word from Lauren thanking everyone for the money. And how it must have added up. Except we never saw how it added up. Dunk’s very public appeal was never publicly accounted for. He never mentioned how much was raised and how it was used. If it was all used legitimately it would have been extremely easy for Dunk to show how it had been used. He didn’t though. I’ve not said Lauren doesn’t exist or that she wasn’t disabled – her plight was reported in the press at the time it happened. I’ve not heard the podcast she is supposed to have appeared on. If it was her, did Dunk get her to explain how she’d used the thousands of pounds she’d received from money collected by Dunk between March and May last year? I doubt she did, but I’m prepared to be corrected. And if I’ve time I’ll go back to the police and chase them up on this. I had to stop my communications with them for personal reasons a couple of months back, but perhaps I’ll have time to go back to it soon. Anyone else with time on their hands should contact North Yorks police and ask them to investigate. It’s what Dunk wants! If Lauren got the money off Dunk and spent it all on booze and fags then that’s her choice and I’d not condemn her for it. Targetting Lauren? No, we’re asking Dunk to prove that he handed over that substantial amount of money to his disabled cousin. And it’s not hard to prove it if he did.)

Q. I read that KopTalk sells dodgy goods?

A. We don’t sell anything. We have tried to run a shop in the past but we really didn’t have much success. We could make a lot of money if we wanted to but we simply don’t have the time as we found out. Out of every 1000 orders maybe 2 or 3 items go missing and a further 2 or 3 get damaged in transit. It just wasn’t worth upsetting a member who has been with us say for 4 years because a picture he wanted turned up smashed. It was either a shop or the site. Because of our visits to Melwood we can obtain signed balls, signed shirts etc but if a player’s in a rush a signature on one shirt could be so much different to that when the same player has time to stretch the shirt and sign it when he’s not under pressure and when half a dozen kids are not trying to get a bit of him. Then you’d get one doubter saying this doesn’t match my shirt from last year and so on. Basically we now just keep things for ourselves or our own competitions.

(Dunk had a shop until we started to shop him. All of a sudden his Champions League Balls and Signed Shirts disappeared. Search the blog for the photos of the ball he sent to an Irish member. Look at the signatures, very very poor fakes. He signed them himself, or got Steve to do it. Steve’s name appeared on the certificate of authenticity, at a time when he was 16, maybe just 15. He refused to offer a refund. One member complained repeatedly that he’d not been sent the promised certificate of authenticity. Dunk said he would only send it out if the member first of all sent the ball back at his own expense, from Ireland, so Dunk could check it! He’s a liar and a conman. And he knows he is. What he did in selling those fake balls is classed as fraud, and the poor signatures have nothing to do with a player being under pressure. Dunk won’t admit to this scam of course, but look at those pictures of that ball and you’ll see he’s got no grounds to deny he’s faked those balls. An LFC Fan? Selling fake goods to “fellow Reds”?)

Q. I also read that once a member has signed up, you can debit their card again without their permission?

A. That’s rubbish. At no time do we ever know your credit or debit card number. If you sign up via PayPal your membership runs for one year. At no time during that year could we ever bill you again. It’s impossible and PayPal can confirm this. At renewal time your sub will autorenew if that is set up on your own PayPal account. There’s much more about this on our support site at http://www.koptalk.info

(It’s not rubbish. When Koptalk take your money by Pay Pal they do it using an option which will take an identical amount out one year later. But 11 months later Koptalk will send you reminder that you need to renew your membership, and ask you to pay there and then by Pay Pal. One month later your auto-renewal also goes out. Koptalk know this happens, but don’t tell you. They just pocket the money. If you try and ask for it back you often have to send numerous “support tickets” in before they will pay up. In fact Pay Pal have started to act directly and just pay the subscribers back. They are starting to get wise to Duncan Oldham. Even members who were banned six months earlier find themselves being billed, and Dunk won’t refund their money. Is that the actions of somebody honest? No, it’s the actions of a conman.)

Q. KopTalk has no official sources?

A. That’s right we have no official sources at all but we do have sources throughout the club at various management levels. We have no official relationship with the club and would never want one. We work for our members, the fans, and are not puppets for the likes of Ian Cotton in the press office. KopTalk is rare in that we refuse to toe-the-line on club matters where as some LFC websites will do what they can to have some kind of relationship. We’re not bothered about receiving a club Christmas card, we report the positive and the negative stuff and that will never change. Past and present contributors to the site includes the likes of Barry Venison, Rob Jones, Tommy Smth MBE, Ian St John, Jan Molby, Peter Thompson, Danny Murphy, Steve McManaman and many, many more. We have numerous relationships throughout the club and are in regular contact with players from the past and the present.

(No, the question should be, “Koptalk have no sources at Anfield, Melwood or the Academy?” Careful wording of that question doesn’t excuse you from answering the real question Dunk. You have no offical access to the club, at least you finally admit that. But you don’t have any unofficial access either. You are lying by saying you have “sources throughout the club”. The club hate you, to be frank, because you’re a parasite who reflects badly on our club’s name. In fact it seems you’ve now admitted that your recent visits to the States were far from being at the invitation of our new owners. Surely if they’d invited you they’d be official contacts? So what does that tell us? Lie after lie after lie. You were in Tom Hicks’ office, for a couple of minutes, which in itself is quite an achievement. But it was only for a couple of minutes, not the hour you’ve claimed. And you were warned off. Your hatred of Ian Cotton is unhealthy. As is your hatred of Chris Bascombe. And in that list of “past and present” contributors, how many of those are actually “present” contributors? And why did they all stop contributing? And not all of them ever did contribute did they? Did the ones who left do so because you wouldn’t pay them what you’d promised you would? Or did they realise what they were unwittingly becoming a part of? And Danny Murphy – you used to claim he was your Anfield Mole and your mate. Then when he left Anfield you didn’t even know it had happened! In fact you tried to make out it wasn’t true if I’m not mistaken! Another LFC website broke the news, thanks to their genuine contacts at the club. And your “mate” didn’t even tell you.

Last summer Dunk also claimed to be having a meeting with Rick Parry which he’d have when he could fit Rick Parry in. Dunk claimed he had something Parry wanted! He later admitted he doesn’t actually meet Rick Parry on a regular basis and in fact had never actually met him. He also went quiet on his previous claims that he was mates with Steven Gerrard!)

Q. Dunk’s writing a book called ‘Anfield Exposed’ but it’s never appeared why is that?

A. Simple. Just a lack of time. Several years ago Dunk announced his intention to write a book about the site. Interested people could place a pre-order deposit of £5 if they wanted to grab a copy when published. The working title was ‘Anfield Exposed’ but a more appropriate name would be given at publication. It’s not about exposing LFC in anyway and there isn’t any kind of negativity towards the club. Why would one of the biggest Reds in the world attack the club he loves? A publication date was never set and it was hoped to be published this season but again, time has been an issue. Also because of the campaign against the site since last year, there are fears that the book could be too revealing about key matters at Anfield. Not only that but since last summer various members of Dunk’s family have been targeted in a not so nice way. People with no connection to the site have been targeted at work simpy because they are related to Dunk. All of this just because one or two saddos cannot accept the fact that KopTalk is a success. The fact that Dunks own kids and family members have been targeted is a concern and whether or not we’ll go ahead with the book we’ll have to wait and see. Anyone who has placed a pre-order deposit several years back can at any time request a refund in full. It’d be a shame not to share this book with so many people but family has to come first.

(So once again, a month from his latest deadline, Dunk finds an excuse not to publish the book that he claimed was already finished last year. He changes this story all the time, even blaming an exploding laptop one time for the delay. The book was due out for the start of this season, then for the end of last year, then for the end of this season. And they are just the moving dates for his book since this blog started. He says “there isn’t any kind of negativity towards the club”! Well have a look back in time to his website promoting his book: The archive of anfieldexposed.con shows him promising all those about to part with the £5 deposit for a book that doesn’t exist that they’ll be able to read about, “The VIP apology from Anfield when a certain individual was trapped by the editor following a planned attack on the site” or “The CCTV footage of one of Anfield’s biggest stars that is locked away in a vault in the city. The media know it exists and offers of £50,000 have so far been rejected!” Not negative towards the club? An LFC fan? And again those claims about his family and kids being “targetted”! Meanwhile over on his cyber-squatted kopfootball domain he pretends his teenage schoolgirl daughter is the figurehead for his awful-looking site on the new stadium! It’s time someone warned the child protection people about Mr Oldham and the way he exploits his kids.)

FINAL WORD

Every day of the week new Reds join our website. We consider them to be members of our family and we will do all we can to make them happy. You can’t keep everyone happy but we try to if they come to us. We will do everything possible to make someone happy. We listen and we care and that’s why every year thousands of our members renew.

(Every day? Not what I’ve heard, far from it. You listen? Well listen to this – answer us some questions with honesty for once. Own up, if you’ve got the guts to.)

The internet is a scary place and for some reason some people want to rival us. We’re no angels but in all the years the site has been online we’ve never had any major problems.

(Dunk is quite obsessed with this “rival” idea. Look at any LFC website and you’ll see complimentary words about other LFC websites. You won’t see a complimentary word about Koptalk though, quite the opposite. And you can’t mention other LFC websites on Koptalk. Dunk is frightened you’ll jump ship. He sees the other sites as rivals, yet all the other sites see each other as part of one big net community.)

Anyone that takes a pop is usually connected to another LFC website or they’ve been booted off either our former free forums or our existing members only forums. Sometimes it’s simply just a Red who has no connection to us but wants to be loyal to the particular site they use. (No Dunk, most people who’ve been banned by you have been banned for mentioning this blog. Nobody gets banned for any other reason other than mentioning this blog or the concerns of this blog. People who take a pop take one because they’ve been double-charged by you and couldn’t get a refund, or got banned for asking where their book was. People who have a pop at you know about you and they speak the truth. Face up to it, the vast majority of Reds who’ve heard of you hate you for what you’ve done to our club and our fans. Your mam must be proud of you.)

At the end of the day there’s a lot of childish nonsense around the web. We’re happy that thousands of members enjoy our site and come back year after year.
(Thousands? You’ve only got “hundreds” left now, and most of those are lurking until their memberships run out. The game’s all but over, no matter how hard you try.)

Our site is aimed at mature Reds, we try to be different than the others. We don’t care if you’re from Liverpool or Libya or whether you attend every game that involves the Reds or whether you’ve never been able to get to Anfield. If you’ve got Red in your heart that’s all that matters. (No – all that matters is that they have to be in possession of a credit or debit card and have to be willing to take all your lies as truth. If either of those isn’t there you don’t want them.)

If you can’t make your own mind up in life and are thinking of not joining because you’ve seen a site taking a pop at us, we kind of understand, but maybe you’re not the sort of member we’re looking for. We don’t want people who aren’t intelligent enough to differentiate between a genuine moan and a direct attempt to discredit our site simply because of our success and because we don’t have time for fools.
(Good move Dunk. “If you are so thick that you believe a site run on a completely voluntary basis over a site that makes enough money for its unwaged owner that he can travel around the states in a party of four for four weeks then you aren’t welcome! No we didn’t steal money from Lauren, but we’re spending a hell of a lot on this holiday, and this gadget-filled van (did that ever materialise?) even though we’ve not got only a couple of hundred members. Obviously it’s still a lot of money you can make from even a few members, but £30 each time 300 is only nine grand. And you claim your web hosting costs 1200 quid a month. And you claim you’ve got permission to use all of those photographs on your site from the Premier League, even though you’d have to get permission from Anfield as well as the Premier League and then you’d have to pay a huge sum for the licence. And quite a large sum for each photograph too. Your little attempt at psychology is only going to attract fools isn’t it? Which is what you need, because without fools you’ll struggle to keep your myths alive.)

We have members from all races, backgrounds and ages. Sign-up and if you don’t like our website, why not email the man himself via dunk2007koptalk.com and tell him.
(Email him then. Ask him some questions. See if he’ll reply. Because from what I can gather, he won’t reply to anyone who asks even a slightly difficult question. All you get is an auto-responder where he claims other people filter his emails before he sees them! As if he’d trust Katrina to read his mail first, especially if most of it contains stuff that might make her finally see that Dunk did rip her mate Lauren off after all.

Keep an eye on our existing member feedback, they’re the only people you should pay any attention to. Don’t listen to us, our rejects or our rivals, listen to what our existing members think.
(How many of those “existing members” a) are still existing and b) exist? )
KopTalk doesn’t rival anyone, they just want to rival us and we know why…
(Dunk, again, shows his obsession with the word “rival”. He’s not afraid of the competition at all is he? And one last point on this update that I admit is probably too long: This blog is not making money. This blog is not an LFC website. This blog is here purely to educate LFC fans and others about Duncan Oldham and his many scams. As soon as Dunk goes then so will this blog. As soon as Dunk finds another club or another sport to scam, the blog will be locked. As soon as Dunk gets what he deserves after his years of bullying, the blog will no longer be needed. )

Keep reading, keep spreading the word, keep on Dunk’s back. There can’t be too many left now that don’t know the truth about him.

"Dave A" – you wanted to know more about this blog

Hello and welcome to the blog “Dave A”, or LPLFC1892 as you are known on KopTalk. It seems you only just found out about the blog today. That might explain why someone described by a good few people as a great Red still uses KopTalk. I know you’ll be back to read more, human nature is such that you’ll be curious to hear a response.

And welcome to any other Reds reading for the first time.

Most decent Reds long since learned that the Koptalk.coN site is best avoided, for numerous reasons.

The reason I keep being told “Dave A” is a decent Red is because of comments I made about him back in October on this blog, in this post. I called him gullible.

Dave A – what I was concerned about was that you were still falling for all of Dunk’s bullshit, all of his scams, all of his fake transfer rumours and false claims. More to the point, you were even giving Duncan Oldham free publicity on TV! If you are a good Red (as people claim), and you know about Oldham and his anti-LFC methods you’d not even visit his site any more, never mind give it free plugs.

I saw threads on KopTalk where you’d posted, and you gave the impression you knew about this blog and its claims about KopTalk. From what you’re now saying this wasn’t the case, but you did seem to comment on how nasty these awful bloggers were. Anyone who’s read this blog with an open mind usually works out that Dunk is in fact an anti-Red Konman, and soon give it a wide berth. Even if they’ve not got the guts to admit it, once the penny drops they disappear quietly from Koptalk.

Some stay, claiming it’s only for the sake of the other members. I doubt many of those will actually pay to stay on though once their subs have run out again.

Anyone who knows about the blog and still supports KopTalk is pretty gullible. Dunk’s a liar, as we’ve proven time and time again. For anyone to keep paying him to lie to them is quite sad really – and in my view a sign of gullibility. If you didn’t know about Dunk before, I suggest you read the blog now, search it at random, read the stuff at the top – read it with an open mind. If you’ve any questions come back to me with them and I’ll try to answer them. I’m not making any of this up!

Here’s what you said on KopTalk this morning (UK Time):

#86158 – Today at 08:31 AM
Re: Lauren Forsyth [Re: Dunk]
LPLFC1892 LPLFC1892
KopTalk Member
****
Registered: 21/10/02
Posts: 8058
Loc: Wellington, Aotearoa Kia ora Dunk

I have just been made aware that an answer you made to me last night in the shout box has become part of the attack on you by some internet morons.

Its the first time I have seen the anti koptalk site, god these guys are idiots. I honestly don’t know what drives them, and I find it hard to believe that even my username is given so weird significance.

I hope you know Dunk that I would do nothing to intentionally cause you grief.

Jealousy is a powerful motivator 🙂

Dave A

What I’m going to do now is answer your post. The “shout box” conversation you had was featured in a post on here by “Stannard” and “Rupert”. I know Stannard was a Koptalk Insider member, but Rupert wasn’t. Although I knew your username pre-dated the EST1892.co.uk website, perhaps “Rupert” didn’t. I’ve not spoken to him about the article. I personally wouldn’t have posted that link, but that’s because I remember the stick I got from people for calling you gullible. Your username has stuck in my mind for that reason. People have been taking the piss out of Oldham though by the way. Little bits and pieces dropped into posts to see if Oldham would bite – and I know because they’ve emailed me to tell me.

I’ll allow you to call us all idiots, you won’t be the first or last to do so. You might not be the first to take it back at a later date either – it depends on how open-minded you are. Can you face the truth?

I note you use the “jealousy” word too. This is one of Dunk’s favourite defences. You’ve been a member of KopTalk a long time – how often have you heard him hint at “jealous rivals” attacking him? He usually tries to make out it’s people with other websites who are attacking him, doing it to try to get their websites to replace his. This website, the one you’re reading now, is not a Liverpool FC website. It doesn’t have a forum. It doesn’t carry any ads or anything as a means for us to make any money. Everyone does what they do for free on this site. So please don’t be so small-minded as to use the “jealousy” word until you’ve worked out what I would be jealous of. Wake up! Dunk is shitting himself because for once he can’t sweep our accusations under the carpet. Have a look at the current list of people posting on KopTalk and ask yourself where all the names you knew from there a year ago have gone. Where are those names? Elsewhere – on one or more of the many Liverpool fansites listed in the links from this site.

You ask what drives us, well I can only really answer what drives me. I started this whole thing off as a piss-take of Dunk’s constant made-up transfer rumours. He’s quite skilled when it comes to making up transfer stories, but he’s not got any sources. Not one. When I started the blog off I thought there was an outside chance he’d have maybe one source, one who’d lost some of his own access to inside info since Rafa took over. But no, Dunk’s not got even one source. And any members he had who had contacts have long since left the site.

So to start with this was nothing more than a bit of a laugh, watching Dunk as he’d claim an exclusive story, 30 minutes after someone had posted it on YNWA or RAWK. He scoured the forums looking for snippets. What he couldn’t steal he’d make up – using aliases, like “Wallet” or “The Informer” or “Pat McCat” amongst many others. Remember how he claimed he had regular meetings with Rick Parry and others at the club? Rick Parry and Ian Cotton have told us that Dunk has no contact with them whatsoever. I know other things about Dunk and what the club think of him but I’ve agreed to keep this confidential. He’s not welcome at the club, let me assure you of that. And if you don’t believe me, please contact the club and ask them. Fill the form in on the official site, or email me and I’ll send you the email address you would need to contact them.

Dunk’s made-up stories are funny, unless you’ve paid £30 for it.

Apart from the transfer lies, the only other issue I wanted to address at the start was his apparent problem with the S*n boycott. To start with it just seemed that he needed to own up to an error of judgement he made in 1998. He wore a S*n hat at France ’98. He had photos of himself taken wearing it. He used editing software to smudge their logo and used the photos on his website. This was spotted, and he was questioned about it. He claimed he hadn’t known about the boycott at the time, otherwise he’d never have worn the hat. He blamed it on him being from outside Liverpool. He blamed it on him being fairly young when Hillsborough happened. In my view they were weak excuses, but some people accepted them.

EXCEPT THAT WASN’T TRUE!

Dunk had been posting on UseNet about the boycott months before France ’98. He knew full well about the boycott, but chose to wear the hat anyway.

When he was confronted with this fact on his own forums he ignored it. He diverted attention away from it. Instead of saying, “Sorry, I was a total arse, I shouldn’t have worn the hat and I knew that when I wore it”, he tried to divert people away from it. He owns a so-called LFC fan-site and he chooses to disregard the boycott!

I hoped that the blog would, if he saw it, persuade him to admit he lied about the S*n hat, admit he did wrong, and perhaps that would have been the end of it. But he couldn’t do that. Rather than tell the truth, he told more lies.

One day I saw Dunk had put some story on his site that I’d not seen anywhere else. I looked around the forums, no sign of it on any other forum, so where had it come from? Surely Dunk didn’t have a source. So I did a search on Google News and what did I find? It had appeared in only one other place so far. On the website of The S*n. No need for me to look at the S*n, I could see from the Google News search where Dunk had got his story.

That appalled me. Not only was he disregarding the boycott with his hat wearing in 1998, in 2006 he was actually using The S*n’s website as a basis for stories. No other Red would know about the stories the S*n was making up, because no true Red reads the S*n or its website. WE JUST DON’T DO IT!

So the blog reported this, and kept on and on reporting it whenever it happened.

Then Dunk admitted to buying the S*n. He owned up – he had it delivered every day. He tried to make out he didn’t pay for it, he claimed he bullied his paperboy into handing it over for an annual bribe. But he was bullshitting. You might remember the day, when he burned a copy of the paper and filmed it.

It’s all in this blog, have a search through. And while you’re there, look for the day that Oldham said he wanted to end the Liverpool career of Peter Crouch. Oldham was calling Crouch “Lurch” all last season, and when Crouch was on duty with England Oldham decided to make up a story about him. He said Crouch had given an exclusive story to The S*n. He claimed he had the tape of the conversation, as if he’d been in touch himself with the S*n journo! He said he would save it until he was ready to bring Crouch’s Liverpool career to an end. Bullshit, but nasty, self-centred anti-LFC bullshit. And you have been supporting him since, unknowingly (I hope).

Did you see the mosaic at Anfield before the Arsenal FA Cup game? Did you see the thousands of Kopites sending a message to the world that boycott wasn’t over, that the fight for justice hadn’t come to an end, that we wouldn’t allow Kelvin MacKenzie’s hate-filled lies to go unpunished? I hope you did. And to think, just months before Duncan Oldham was claiming that the boycott wasn’t important. Anyone who tried to correct anyone else would be attacked by him and some of his most toadying members (at the time) for daring to mention how bad the S*n was. Koptalk policy was the boycott should be forgotten.

And again, you’ll find all of that in Dunk’s own words in this blog.

So if you think all the other stuff he’s done doesn’t matter, do you still think his love of the S*n is OK? Is it alright for the owner of a so-called LFC fan-site to be so supportive of a rag that any decent Red wouldn’t even touch? I’d love to hear your answer to that. I’d love you to cut and paste all of Dunk’s comments and lies on the issue onto his site and ask him about it.

All the other stuff – does it matter?

His theft from Lauren is not something I’ve made up for fun. He sold FA Cup final tickets, tickets for other cup games, fake – YES FAKE – “signed” footballs and shirts, “for Lauren”. Have you seen the fake signed balls – look on the blog, they’re all here. Absolutely disgraceful forgeries, not even close to looking like the real thing. They were over £100 each, the shirts £250 each, the Cup Final tickets £1600 a pair. Not a penny went to Lauren. Nobody got a thank you. She didn’t get any money.

How would you feel if you’d spent £350 on a shirt and a ball only to find that they’d actually been signed by Dunk and Steve? And how would you feel if he made all kinds of excuses to avoid giving you a refund? Would you still support him?

He steals other people’s copyright. You might think it’s ok for him to make money out of recording football matches from Sky and putting them on his site. Liverpool FC aren’t even allowed to do this until so much time has passed. He breaks the law doing it. He’s not the only one, but no other site as far as I know actually charges people for it! And how about the time he stole a photo off a 15-year-old Scandinavian LFC fan? Then threatened to sue the teenager! It’s all in the blog, have a good search for it. We aren’t making it up.

How about his swings from being in the depths of poverty to being a super-rich property magnate? Does that bother you? Are you happy to give him that £30? He claims to be so skint he has to borrow money off his mum for his season ticket. Except he doesn’t actually have a season ticket! He pretends to have one, but hasn’t been to any home league games this year. He’s got a Newcastle season ticket though. He can’t afford to buy his own LFC season ticket one day, yet the next day has his NUFC one already bought. He can’t afford things one day, the next day he’s claiming to have signed up to a £1200 a month web-hosting package. Which later changes to a slightly lower price as he forgets the figure he’d made up a couple of months before.

I’ve gone on long enough now. There are a lot of accusations in this blog, but I think I’ve said enough in this one post for any “decent Red” to think that Koptalk has had the last of his money, the last of his support. Are you a decent Red? If so, boycott the S*n loving Koptalk.coN. TODAY!

I’d also like to give a special mention to the following Koptalk members who had a message for the blog via Koptalk.coN. None of them have the guts to post here. Don’t worry – I’ll not ban you from here, you can say what you like. I’m not frightened of hearing what you think of me!

But every single one of these people that follow – if you have read this blog, WITH AN OPEN MIND, and still want to support the S*n Loving Koptalk.coN, I suggest you give your LFC scarf and shirts to charity and find another club. Because you are not anything even approaching a true Red.

kevin_d: “great post dunk well said mate, dont let the b******s grind you down.”

ipaul: “The only thing you can say about this kinda thing is that there is always people willing to see bad in others to believe they are not sincere, to doubt and slander. Rise above it and be content in the knowledge you did right.”

kevin_d: “spot on mate”

chrispy: “Dunk, in all the work you do for charity etc and all you give away at great cost to yourself, anyone who can accuse you of that doesn’t really know you. You’re a terrific bloke who gives his all for others with no thought of yourself in the process. That’s what makes you such a great person. There’s deffo a place in heaven set aside for you my friend. Top bloke”

Dunk: “I’m not so sure about that I’m not an angel but you learn from your cock-ups. I do what I can when I can, like most people. There’s nothing special about me, I just want to be an ordinary Joe covering LFC matters for the people who have chosen to be here and especially those who continue to support the site year in year out.”

Chancer: “We’re all stars on that site, maybe we should do a book signing or something?”

mbfakhry: “Most people are not angels but at least they try to do the best, whereas some other people always like to see the worst in others. All I can say is shame on them and carry on doing what you think is best. Good luck and best wishes to Lauren being a fellow disable person, I always feel what most disable people go through.”

bigkwakman: “It should be called ex-koptalkers.com. Seriously it gets stupid when everyday you nose down newsnow and there are these effin idiots spouting their usual bo!!ox.”

1 True Red: “Couldn’t of put it better myself mate Rise above it Dunk, your better than them”

mbfakhry: “I just realised I passed 1,000 posts and didn’t noticed.”

Shemi: “Haha, congrats on a 1000.”

mbfakhry: “Thanks What is even more fuuny is I passed it by a couple. doh”

fatheadmurp: “i have read some of the stuff on the other sites about what you are referring to dunk and to be honest it is nasty and degrading.personally i think you should be hiring someone to investigate these allogations because to me if i was an inocent man and i was accused of the stuff you have been accused of i would be going to court about it.if you think by ignoring it is the answer well that is fair enough but i would personally get satisfaction in putting the wankers down.i await your reply with interest…”

chiman: “Dunk, I’m sorry to hear all the [oops] you’re going through… Tossers…”

Xabi_is_God: “from what iv read on those sites, those people are leaving themselves open to serious legal action. its pathetic that someone is willing to invest all that time into going after someone. / check out my band at
http://www.myspace.com/thescoreband feel free to give feedback. good or bad”

lfcbarmyarmy: “Dunk the bottom line is that the majority of people think your a top bloke and the rest… well they can all F off to be honest. You are giving a service to other Liverpool supporters and apparently thats now deemed to be wrong. Just highlights the stupidity of some people. Koptalk has been nothing but good to me since I arrived and i thank you for that so much. Keep up the good work big man! oh before i forget… Dunk Knows Best”

lfcbarmyarmy: “It can actually be classed as harassment and it is possible to get an ASBO on the offenders or an injunction”

Dunk: “Nah they can say what they like about me. I know who is responsible and I know their motives. I wouldn’t waste my valuable time on anyone I had issues with, simple as. It’s monitored and if I wanted to, I could take several options available to me. But I see it as kind of flattering and it helps promote the site however they look at it, which is why I helped out with footballandbirds.teehee – that was an expirement and they took the bait so promoted what was just a bit of fun. Some people are just misguided and if they’re talking about me, they’re leaving someone else alone. One thing that makes me proud is that I have never had to spam anyone to attract interest to this site. I’ve never needed to visit other LFC sites to target their users. You can always tell a good fans site… the ones that concentrate on themselves and nobody else… this shows maturity IMHO. This site has been on the go since around 1998 and only from last summer when we kicked out some people did this campaign against me start. You’ll always get some divs you’ve kicked off forums moaning, that’s life and you get used to it. It just shows how strange some people can be though.. some move on but some can’t let go.. if someone wants to stalk a 32 year old bloke and his family, then they must live a boring and sad life because when I have free time, I put it to good use”

kevin_d: “yea right duc i think you have said all you need to on the matter well put
mate.”

fatheadmurp: “maybe thats what is bothering them,you are laughing at there carry on instead of taking it to heart.do what you think is best dunk in my opinion,it is harrassment and it is damn right insulting to you and your family but what these scumbags dont realise is they are insulting all the members on here aswell because if we did not like your ways and you and your teams website we would not be here.you have alot of support on here i can assure you.i read you talk about these people before and i didnt take much notice as i hadnt seen for myself the trash they were writing,it was only recently i read the crap,i wanted to post a topic about it but i didn’t because i wasnt sure how you felt about it.as i say you have great support on here,you help us when we need help,im not saying you need it but dont be afraid to talk if you do….YNWA.”

kevin_d: “they must lead sad lives if all they worry about is dunc and koptalk all day long.”

Macers: “Rocky and Bullwinkle ya mean ??”

Lathom46: “You can tell how concerned we were about your honesty by the way nobody sent you money for the Alder Hey appeal! Oh hang on, we raised THOUSANDS OF POUNDS and got the kids loads of pressies because we believed in you and Koptalk. Glad you are letting it wash over you and not letting the really sad people who are doing these despicable acts get you down. YNWA”
laddsy: “Maybe he kept the money and pressies for himself Only joking Dunk you are a top man”

LPLFC1892: “I have just been made aware that an answer you made to me last night in the shout box has become part of the attack on you by some internet morons. Its the first time I have seen the anti koptalk site, god these guys are idiots. I honestly don’t know what drives them, and I find it hard to believe that even my username is given so weird significance. I hope you know Dunk that I would do nothing to intentionally cause you grief. Jealousy is a powerful motivator 🙂 Dave A”

Dunk: “LOL… it makes me chuckle… I haven’t seen what’s been said, while they were doing that I was laid in bed thinking about what Merc to buy this year”

Some people in that list who should be ashamed of themselves. (Although there’s at least one who I know supports the blog!)

Please – if you still think Dunk’s ok, can you tell me why? Non-Liverpool fans need not respond.

Newcastle fan gets his Crouch story wrong. Again.

Earlier today I bought a copy of the Liverpool Echo and had a good read of an article which gave a totally different interpretation of the leaked document Mihir Bose had claimed to have seen earlier this week. He wrote a complete doom and gloom article about the DIC investment deal, but it didn’t come as a surprise really. I’ve read a few of his “stories” in the past, and my bullshit detector twitches like crazy. As he is someone who’s written books on Manchester United, probably one of their supporters too, I wouldn’t expect him to write anything positive about LFC, and I’ve seen many completely incorrect stories of his about LFC’s investment prospects over the last couple of years.

In fact Bose is now joining the BBC, where he’ll be stable mates with the despicable Kelvin MacKenzie, possibly the most well known bullshit spreader when it comes to Liverpool FC. I hope they’re happy together, and I’ll be watching out for more lies, but hoping I don’t see any. When it comes to spreading bullshit about LFC there’s nobody does it more regularly than Duncan Oldham of course.

The Echo article spoke about how DIC would be giving Rafa Benitez transfer funds, contrary to what Bose was claiming in his swansong article for the Telegraph. It also explained what the document really said about selling the stadium in seven years – it was part of a list of options in a business plan, not an actual intention. Anyone reading it as being a definite plan to sell the club and/or the stadium in seven years is either very naive or a shit-stirrer.

Further inside the paper is the pink “Football Echo” section. I’ve not read it all yet (it’s always good for a chuckle to read the bits by the blue journalists) but I’ve read the bit on Peter Crouch. It was written by Chris Bascombe, and included quotes from Rafa Benitez saying that Crouch wasn’t going anywhere.

Common sense tells you this. Why the hell would Liverpool sell one of the three strikers they have been using this season without first bringing in a replacement? Most games Liverpool will start with two of the three on the pitch, and depending on how the game goes will bring the other one on at some point. If we’ve got two games in close succession one of the two who starts on the weekend game will be on the bench for the midweek game. If Robbie Fowler gets his fitness back he should start getting involved more too, but Rafa’s not going to be relying on that at the moment. And just to underline this a little more for the slower fat people, we lost one of our strikers to injury during today’s match, hopefully he’ll be fit for the New Year’s Day game, but we can’t be sure.

Also today (on one of the forums) I saw mention that in the printed version of two broadsheets there were articles talking about how Peter Crouch’s agent was responsible for trying to stir things up with the media. Crouch’s agent is also Ashley Cole’s agent in case you didn’t know, so he hardly has a reputation most of us would be proud of. Google for “tapping up”, “Chelsea”, “Ashley Cole” for more on that. The two broadsheets in question did not carry this story on their websites – either an accidental ommission or perhaps a demand had been made by the agent not to carry the story. The same forum carried a comment later from the owner of the forum, someone who has contacts at the club (he’s got Jamie Carragher’s mobile number for example), saying that Crouch’s agent had indeed been stirring things up. He also spoke about how Crouch was still as down to earth and genuine as he’d always been. Crouch may have been having some troubles on the pitch recently, and the vultures who looked daft for calling him when he first joined have been circling in wait, but he’s not been trying to leave the club at all. He wants to stay, Rafa wants him to stay, only shit-stirring agenda-driven people with no love for LFC would claim otherwise.

Which brings us onto Dunk – Duncan Oldham, Koptalk owner and all-round Konman.

One of his members, “seanrogers100” did him a service. He gave Koptalk’s readers the nearest thing to exclusive insider information they’ve had in months. None of the members who had any slight insider information or contacts still post on Koptalk, long since gone from a site so repulsive to genuine Reds and decent people once they know the truth. Dunk has no contacts himself, not even a gateman (as he sometimes claims) and certainly not Rick Parry as he also used to claim until we proved how much that was complete nonsense. Sean might know all about Dunk’s anti-Red ways, and about Dunk’s hatred of people who have real contacts at the club, and so could have been posting the Echo articles as a way of getting up Dunk’s nose. I hope so, but it’s also possible he was just trying to be helpful to his fellow (few) Koptalk members. Whatever it was, fat Dunk didn’t like it. Picture the scene as Dunk spits pie in twenty directions at mention of one of his arch-enemies (the articles from Saturday’s Echo don’t go on the net, meaning fat Dunk can’t rip them off and use them as his own. He’s only got access to the Newcastle equivalent)…

#60898 – minutes seconds ago
bascombe on crouch
seanrogers100 seanrogers100
Gold Member
**
Registered: 16/03/06
Posts: 321
for a few of you who i know dont get access to the football echo on a saturday.

in the football echo today chris passed on some comments which have probably been said off the record by rafa – i actually agree with them and have been saying them for a while:

he basically said – “since crouch came back from the world cup he seems to be entirely focussed on goals but is not getting the performances he did when he was on his goal drought and last season. Rafa backed him to the hilt when he was playing well but more importantly working hard and it is clear his application this season has not been what it was. Rafa quotes” he knows that i supported him last year when he missed chances because of his all round performances. I will continue to back him”

Now i agree with chris/rafa/both as i noticed mainly at homne to portsmouth this year how annonymous he was. Think back to that chavski game in the cl at anfield last year. he was awesome all round the pitch. Almost unplayable. This season he has scored some good goals but taking them away when was the last time you saw him play really well?

I want to keep him and chris makes the point that rafa has been trying to tell crouch that he does not need to move to progress his carear which suggests the stroies are coming from newcastle/his agent/or both.

there is no chance of him being sold this season but i think rafa is losing a little faith in him. We bought him due to his performances away from home and this year in 11 starts away from home he has only started three times.

Next games he plays wlets hopoe he plays well outside the box as well as in it!!!

come on the crouch!

Edited by seanrogers100 ( minutes seconds ago)
– – – – – – – – – – –
#60901 – minutes seconds ago
Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: seanrogers100]
Kop_5 Kop_5
Honorary Member
***

Registered: 11/06/04
Posts: 13725
Thanx for that sean,if crouch is still at liverpool next season i would be very surprised
– – – – – – – – – – –
#60904 – minutes seconds ago
Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: Kop_5]
JD JD Moderator
Moderator
***

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 13043
Loc: Cambridgeshire
Crouch will be hear next season.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

So far so good. Kop_5 – it’s time you stopped helping Dunk out by being one of his few non-moderating posters. He’s hardly got any posters on his site who aren’t either admins (i.e. family) or mods (i.e. people who should know better, like Rich Tea and JD).

Now for the real fun. As we said, picture fat Dunk’s pie getting spat at his computer screen, picture the can of cider falling to the shed floor. How dare someone post Chris Bascombe’s real insider knowledge on his site.

Dunk doesn’t do insider news. He does bullshit – and how well he does it….

#60908 – minutes seconds ago
Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: seanrogers100]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
****

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 13942
Crouch is available. Newcastle have offered £7million, Liverpool turned it down. Word was put out that £12m was what LFC had told Newcastle, this was leaked to the media to tempt people to come in a little lower thinking they’re getting a bargain. He’s definitely up for sale if someone comes in. If we say he’s for sale then potential buyers will lower the price. Newcastle, Villa, Pompey etc all want him.

Oh dear Dunk. This is worse than your bullshit about Noel White. (For anyone new to the blog, Oldham claimed Noel White wasn’t the board member quoted by the Mirror slagging off Rafael Benitez. Even though many other sources and informed LFC websites were saying otherwise. And even when David Moores forced White to resign Oldham tried to make out it was still someone else who’d gone to the Mirror. Dunk is that stupid!) So Dunk, who told you this then? Earlier in the day you were using a clip you’d stolen from Sky of Phil Thompson talking about Crouch. Thommo is a former Red. A former coach. He works for Sky. He talks about what he thinks he knows. Is he going to betray a confidence on national TV? He’ll only do it once, because next time he’ll not have anyone’s confidence!

Duncan – you looked an idiot with your Noel White lies, now you look an idiot with your Crouch lies. You want him out, and if your voice had any kind of influence you’d be trying hard to get him out. Maybe you’re still trying hard, but you’ve no credibility. You’ve got a few members left who maybe still fall for your crap, but that’s all. You can’t get rid of Crouch – you’ve not got the power. Like you never had that tape of him talking to the S*n in the summer.

I think one of the funniest bits of the bullshit is “Newcastle, Villa, Pompey etc all want him” – who’s “etc” then? Come on – you can’t actually use “etc” in this kind of story! Who else wants him?

Newcastle may well have been sounded out by the agent, but Dunk you’d not know that. You may be a season ticket holder and fan of Newcastle, but you’ve no contacts there either. You’re not actually a Geordie, you’re someone who was drummed out of Scarborough, probably frightened to death of who you might bump into round there. And the Geordie’s don’t like being compared to a piece of scum like you. They’re actually decent people in the main, even Ant and Dec aren’t all that bad!

I also enjoyed this next bit of vintage Duncan, posted in response to someone pointing out that Kuyt hadn’t scored for a bit. Perhaps hinting that Kuyt was as likely as Crouch to be sold, seeing as both were Rafa’s own signings, both were playing quite well without scoring:

#60916 – minutes seconds ago
Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: Rborhara]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
****
Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 13942
Kuyt has been a bit iffy recently which is a shame but we all know that it takes time to settle, plus his old man is seriously ill which is a distraction. I’m sure he’ll come good.

Dunk tries hard to make his bullshit fit any facts people throw at him – and he bans anyone that really makes him look a dickhead. Which could explain why Kop_5 and JD post replies as if they actually believe Dunk – they don’t want to be banned. I hope it’s that, rather than them actually being so gullible as to believe Dunk really does have knowledge from inside the club! How gullible can anyone be to actually believe Dunk knows more than Chris Bascombe? Chris is a qualified journalist who went to Uni to study journalism and actually gets to speak to Rafa Benitez just about every day of the week, and other players and officials from the club at very regular intervals. Dunk is a lazy Konman who left school without any qualifications and got kicked out of the army (probably for being lazy) before setting off on his career to rip anyone off he could. The closes he gets to Melwood is to stand on a bin looking over the wall. He no longer has his season ticket for Anfield so doesn’t even get inside Anfield that way any more.

Sean was less worried about being banned, pointing out that Dunk was completely wrong with his bullshit statement. Either he’s not bothered about being banned, or doesn’t realise that he soon will be. Never question anything said by Dunk or one of his aliases. NEVER…

#60917 – minutes seconds ago Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: Rborhara]
seanrogers100 seanrogers100
Gold Member
**
Registered: 16/03/06
Posts: 321
bascombe stated at times last year that lfc will not evolve until crouuch is our plan B and not our plan A. Whether you agree with him or not it appears that rafa thinks the same way.

I just feel that players of his type are very difficult to get hold of and are vital in english football. Would you sign him for la liga? Of course not but here is different.

He will get better with age as he has no pace anyway and i see no reason why he would want to leave.

I hear what you are saying Dunk but bascombe not only used rafa’s quote in the paper but also in his own words said crouch will be going nowhere unless rafa’s mind changes in the summer.

Bascombe normally leaves an issue silent rather than end up with egg on his face e.g. were we to sell crouch in jan i will be sending him an email asking why he printed stuff today!!

No chance of him going in January in my opinion.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
#60918 – minutes seconds ago Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: Kop_5]
JD JD Moderator
Moderator
***
Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 13043
Loc: Cambridgeshire
Originally Posted By: Kop_5
even if we get Big bucks to spend in the summer ?

well every player has their price mate.

Just seems to me that rafa certainly is good at realising if he aint happy with a player he has bought. However, Crouch aint done nothing wrong in my opinion. You need 4 strikers and Fowler aint upto much so think its being hasty to say the least.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
#60925 – minutes seconds ago Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: JD]
Kop_5 Kop_5
Honorary Member
***
Registered: 11/06/04
Posts: 13725
no imo crouch hasn’t done anything wrong to be sold but maybe he has been showing his discontent and maybe rafa is growing impatient with him and if we get money to spend can we do better than crouch,i wonder how jon carew would do for us
– – – – – – – – – –
#60930 – 57 minutes 35 seconds ago Re: bascombe on crouch [Re: Kop_5]
JD JD Moderator
Moderator
***

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 13049
Loc: Cambridgeshire
Crouch hasnt done anything wrong. I think its just a case if Rafa is going to get alot more money he wants better quality. However, I hope he doesnt make the mistake of selling him and not having someone else lined up. He did that with Owen and mucked up by not replacing him at all.
– – – – – – – – – – –

JD, Kop_5 – Dunk is a know-nothing fat conman. Stop believing him over people like Bascombe. And if either of you donated to the Koptalk Alder Hey appeal, are you glad your money paid for Dunk’s Christmas booze order? He’s STILL not shown a single receipt, or a single screenshot, as he promised he would, from the Alder Hey purchases.

Why not? What is he hiding? How much profit did he make from it? It only takes a few minutes to scan some receipts in after all.

"Liverpool" site's £20m defender claim not what you'd think

Wondering who Liverpool’s £20m defender is? If you read Koptalk’s latest misleading headline then you’d probably be thinking that Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez had put that price onto one of our players. But no, it’s a price tag on someone else’s player, and the headline was designed to attract hits from people who think the word “Kop” in a website title means it’s a Liverpool website. In reality the “KopTalk” website is run by a former Leeds United fan who currently owns a Newcastle United season ticket and gets most of his transfer exclusives from the S*n or the Newcastle Evening Chronicle. The rest he makes up or steals from other LFC sites, without any acknowledgement, even claiming he’s got his own contacts inside the club!

#58301 – Yesterday at 01:56 PM
£20million price tag slapped on defender
KOPTALK.COM KOPTALK.COM Administrator
Team Member
***
Registered: 28/07/03
Posts: 26886

Clubs interested in recruiting Micah Richards will have to stump up £20million, so say his club Manchester City.

The teenage right-back who can also play in the centre of defence, has seen his valuation rocket following serious interest from Chelsea and that’s bad news for the likes of ourselves, Arsenal and Spurs who are all keen on signing him.

Manchester United are also keen on the youngster but Sir Alex has reportedly been told that funds will be there to compete with Chelsea if the Old Trafford boss wants to push ahead with a formal offer.

Expect more of the same from Koptalk next month – the transfer windows are  the busiest times of year for Koptalk, the times of year where they can make up more and more misleading headlines in an attempt to Kon people into parting with £30 for “insider” news.

Koptalk have no contacts at the club at any level. That includes gatemen, who aren’t going to be so easily bribed by the fat Konman. (In the summer, Oldham claimed to have persuaded a gateman, through the gateman’s brother, to become the latest member of the payroll for Koptalk. He of course hadn’t spoken to any gateman’s brother, and of course has no payroll of insiders and informers to add the gateman too. On the same day he claimed he’d got the painters at Anfield ringing him up with the identities of everyone who arrived at Anfield – he was at Melwood at the time. He also claimed he was set to move into Chris Waddle’s £300,000 home overlooking Melwood. Yes, that Chris Waddle. The Geordie one who’s never played for any of the Merseyside teams.)

As well as making up transfer stories to get people to part with £30, Dunk has spent a good amount of the last few years selling fake “signed” merchandise, and launching dubious “charity” appeals. Earlier this year he was combining the two, selling footballs with the most laughable of fake signatures on them for £100, similarly fake shirts for over £200, FA Cup final tickets (not fakes) for £1600 a pair – all supposedly for the benefit of his disabled cousin Lauren. Lauren never saw more than a token amount of what was collected at the beginning. Tens of thousands of pounds had been taken from Liverpool fans by the Koptalk Konman. Even now, in full knowledge of the accusations we’ve made, Oldham hasn’t yet confirmed that any of the money found its way to Lauren. Send him an email at support@koptalk.com and ask him what happened to the money. He’ll tell you to ask Lauren!

Just as we got closer to Christmas he launched an appeal for Alder Hey. Surely he couldn’t be about to rip people off again, not in full view of this blog with its thousands of daily visitors. We were worried about him asking for all donations to be paid straight into the Koptalk paypal account instead of him setting something separate up. At the same time I hoped this was finally a sign that he wanted to put things right, start offering something back from all his past cons and thefts.

After failing to show any receipts, after hiding the evidence of who’d donated what and how much it came to, after hiding his list of what he’d claimed to spend his money on, the whole lot was deleted from his forum. No mention of it, no sign of it, and I reported this in my last post on here.

But then I thought I’d got it wrong, I thought I’d missed the latest home of the Koptalk Alder Hey Appeal.

This appeal had first appeared as a sub-forum of its own, under the “Executive Lounge’ bit of the tumbleweed-infested Koptalk members’ site.

Then it moved to be a sub-forum of its own, this time under the “Chill Out Room” section of the same very quiet website.

All along there’d be different, important, threads related to the appeal disappearing on Dunk’s whims. Threads that showed evidence of how the money had come in. Members would leave a message saying how much they had pledged, “Katie” would list each pledge, then when it was received would show how much came through after the Pay Pal charges had gone out. Those threads were deleted as soon as it got close to the time to add it all up.

Later the forum was deleted altogether, and Dunk put just the threads he wanted his readers to see, and put them in various places throughout his site.

As we got closer to Christmas the only thread left for his members to see showed an email from Alder Hey and some photos from the “Imagine Appeal” offices at Alder Hey. More importantly was a promise that the receipts from the purchases would be scanned in and put onto the site, “over Christmas”. The fact that these receipts were, according to previous promises by Dunk, supposed to have been handed straight to Alder Hey “for guarantee purposes” at the same time as the goods were handed over was just another example of how Dunk continually goes back on his word without explanation.

On Christmas Eve all references to the appeal were removed, as far as I could tell.

The idiot running Koptalk, Duncan Oldham, had spent a week pretending to be in New York, when he was clearly still in Wallsend. Yet he couldn’t be arsed to spend five minutes scanning in those receipts to prove how he’d done all of this above board for the first time in his Internet life.

This morning I looked at the site and spotted this…

More hiding by the Konman

So the forum is almost certainly still there, just hidden from members.

What are you hiding Duncan?

The Fairytale of Newcastle

Dunk’s great idea to pretend he’s in New York buying property when he’s really in Newcastle hiding from one form of inspector or other has given me some inspiration. With deepest and most sincere apologies to the Pogues and Kirsty (RIP), here’s the official Insider Insider Blog Christmas song…

humbug.gifA fairytale of Newcastle

It was Christmas Eve late
When fat Dunk sank
Another Woodpecker
then had another one

And then he sang a song
“The Blaydon Races” one
He put his pie away
And dreamed Newcastle won

He put his Toon shirt on,
Found his beloved S*n,
He started looking
For stories he could use
So near to Christmas
He’d got no contacts
And it was nearly time
To make up transfer news

He sat all day on his arse
For his club that was gold
All the so called exclusives
Were false or were old
When he first takes your cash
Even on Christmas Eve
The stories he’ll give you
are bullshit you’ll see

He’s a conman
and a liar
He loves Kieron Dyer
He stole from his cousin
And then stole some more,
He also likes swinging,
And myspace birds minging
Sits pissed in a corner
And makes up some shite

He needed vouchers swapping for cash, so he took it from Alder Hey
And used it to bet on snow, for Christmas day

He’s a bum
He is scum
He’s known best as fat Dunk
Lying all day and night on his site full of shite
The scumbag, the bastard
Spends half his life plastered
Happy Christmas you arse
Let’s hope it’s Koptalk’s last

He needed vouchers swapping for cash, so he took it from Alder Hey
And used it to bet on snow, for Christmas day

Slimy DuncanHe lied to everyone
He didn’t know anyone
He hated LFC
He told us nothing true
His contacts were all fake
His crap jokes make us groan
He now lives all alone
Not even got Koptalk Zoo

He needed vouchers swapping for cash, so he took it from Alder Hey
And used it to bet on snow, for Christmas day

(You’ll be glad to know there aren’t any plans to make this a regular feature. And before anyone writes in, I know Wallsend isn’t technically in Newcastle,  but it’s close enough).