Dream dream dream – Dunk and his "family"

(Warning: This is a long post).

Half an hour browsing around Koptalk yesterday afternoon gave me such a laugh. This was before I saw Dunk post his letter from the Irish businessman. As you probably know, unless you’re a new reader, this blog was set up to poke fun at a morbidly obese liar who took money from unsuspecting Reds in return for stories he made up about goings on at Anfield.

In no time at all it soon became clear that Oldham had no inside information whatsoever, he had not one single contact at the club. But it also became clear that Oldham’s “sins” were much more serious than pretending he had regular tea and cake with Rick Parry.

We also found his love of The S*n stretched further than him wearing a hat advertising the hated rag in France during the 1998 World Cup.

All of this is on the blog, accessible either by using the search button or using the quick links at the top of the page.

My half-hour had started off like days of old. Dunk lies to his members, telling them (or hinting) that he knows what’s happening inside the club. But he makes it all up as he goes along, and forgets most of it. In the old days this wasn’t much of a problem – if anyone questioned him about one of his old “exclusives” he’d just delete the question. Or on a generous day he’d give a quick fob-off for an answer, deleting the thread soon after, before too many got suspicious. And there’d be little evidence of his “exclusive” from those prior months. He’d make sure the posts didn’t stick around too long.

Yesterday one of his members remembered what Dunk had promised him. At the moment it’s impossible to tell who is a trusting member of Koptalk and who is a member fully-versed in Dunk’s scams and asking questions in mock innocence. I’ve no idea which of those “Dave100” counts as, or if he’s one those members who have started to wonder what the hell is going on inside the site they pay £30 for. Dunk had promised more information would be forthcoming in the second week of May about West Ham’s Tevez. But Dunk forgot, because Dunk’s a rather thick bungling idiot.

If he had a brain there’d be less material for the blog…

#161033 – Today at 11:58 AM
Dunk, 2nd Week in May
Dave100 Dave100
KopTalk Member
Registered: 23/10/03
Posts: 5999
Loc: Wigan
…option on Tevez?

We are into that 2nd week now.

Any news?

Or will it be after Sunday’s game do you think?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(Cut to Wallsend and Steve has to use the wrong end of the broom handle to wake the gross liar from his slumbers. Removing his ear-plugs now that fatty has finally ceased snoring, the young apprentice points at the computer screen. Dunk has to think fast. And for someone who has trouble thinking, that’s a big ask…)

#161039 – Today at 12:01 PM
Re: Dunk, 2nd Week in May [Re: Dave100]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
My thoughts were that we’d hear something around the 15th which a key date for us. However with us now reaching the final this changes things (in my opinion) so we may have to wait until after the final for these things to be addressed by the management.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(Even by your standards that’s poor Dunk. First of all, the 15th is actually in the third week of May, not the second, but the rest of it is absolute shite. We know you make things up, and this proves it. So Liverpool are going to turn round to the clubs of potential targets and say, “Oh, would you mind awfully if we didn’t talk about signings until after Athens? Could you tell other interested clubs to hang back as well? What’s that? Yes, I know we were discussing it right in the middle of the season, but this one extra match, big as it is, means we’ve got to stop chatting about transfers.” I’ve heard Rick Parry getting some stick today, and in the absence of answers to some of the questions asked it might turn out to be justified, but even Mr Parry’s not that inept. Poor show Dunk, poor show. “Dave100” pretends (I assume) to agree…)
#161044 – Today at 12:03 PM
Re: Dunk, 2nd Week in May [Re: Dunk]
Dave100 Dave100
KopTalk Member
Registered: 23/10/03
Posts: 5999
Loc: Wigan
Ok, thanks

I thought as much. Don’t want to unsettle the squad before the CL final i guess.

Stay focused and all that.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(‘Phew!’ thinks lardy, ‘I’ve got away with it.’)
#161050 – Today at 12:05 PM
Re: Dunk, 2nd Week in May [Re: Dave100]
Dunk Dunk Administrator

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
Makes sense doesn’t it 🙂
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
(Er, let me think. Makes sense? Does it bollocks.)

The following post made me laugh. Some people reading this will know why.

#160554 – Yesterday at 10:10 PM
big problem 4 me
wezo23 wezo23

KopTalk Member

Registered: 18/10/04
Posts: 3290
Loc: carrickmacross
im due to fly out on sunday morning from ireland to go see liverpool play charlton on sunday. but i cant find my passport. i have searched high and low in the house and cant find it anywhere. had it for sure in march when we went to rome. any tips?????

I don’t want to comment much further than to say that this person has been mentioned on the blog before. He’s a victim who knows he’s a victim of Dunk’s scams. Think “ticket tout” and “FA Cup Final” and “£1600” plus “For Lauren”. And yet he goes back for more. I think anyone asking a forum for help on where he might have put his passport is probably beyond help, and proof of why Dunk’s found it so easy to rip so many people off…

Then I found this. What was Dunk doing, offering CL tickets for £1? Or to be more accurate, my thought process was more along the lines of, “What does the fat liar really mean by this?” It soon became clear…

#161001 – Today at 11:40 AM
Champions League Final tickets for £1?
Dunk Dunk Administrator

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
Coming up later today… your chance to win Champions League final tickets in the Liverpool section!
(And a quick comment from underage Katrina…)

#161009 – Today at 11:45 AM Re: Champions League Final tickets for £1?
Katie Katie Administrator

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 4026
Loc: UK
Are you serious? Why have I not been told about this? Can I not buy it if I pay £2??? 😉

(A couple of other comments appeared before in walked fat boy once again. It later turned out that this comment was about the Irish businessman he thinks was winding him up…)
#161032 – Today at 11:58 AM
Re: Champions League Final tickets for £1? [Re: Katie]
Dunk Dunk Administrator

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
I don’t have any tickets to sell – sorry.

We did receive a lovely email yesterday from a member of our ‘fan club’ pretending to be a businessman after flights and tickets… you can take the member out of KopTalk but you can’t take KopTalk out of the member
– – ———————-

I’ve just read that last comment again and can’t quite work out what Dunk meant. He’s saying that one of those many people that can’t stand him or his scams had emailed him pretending to be someone else. Using an alias perhaps? Claiming things that weren’t true, maybe? So why is Dunk saying “you can take the member out of KopTalk but you can’t take KopTalk out of the member”? I read that this way: If you become a Koptalk member, you learn about telling mistruths, or lies, and even when you leave, you’ll still be telling lies and so on. Is that what he meant? Is he admitting that Koptalk is run on a bed of lies? Or did he mean something else, but his thickness tripped him up? Who knows? Dunk doesn’t.

Shortly afterwards he posted the email from the businessman. Probably a bit of a backfire to do so, but Dunk rarely gets anything right.

Then again, he’s not the only one. Here’s another exciting post from the £30 members’ only website that nobody wants to join…

#161168 – Today at 01:10 PM
Dunk Dunk Administrator

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18773
Just heard this from the next room to me…

“**** me! It’s printing 1173 pages, how do I stop it?!”

KopTalk… no. 1 for getting things right

So, after composing myself again at such a mirth-bringing post I started to wonder what the 1173 pages might have been from. Stolen credit card details from those trying to book flights through his scammy offer? Personal details taken illegally last summer by the anti-Red site from members who would not be allowed to use the product they’d paid for until they’d complied with these new rules (including the “post once a month or you’re out” rule)? Or was it the affiliate terms and conditions for the Virgin Games website fatty was using for his offer of tickets for £1? You see generous fatty was actually asking his members to sign up to Virgin Games’ Poker website, depositing whatever minimum they require. As part of this, Virgin Games have a game where you can win CL tickets. So you download the software (after clicking on the link that includes Fatty’s affiliate code) and fatty pockets a load of commission.

With any other site we’d not have a problem. But this is fatty, and he tries to sell this whole idea as if he’s got the tickets to start with, then gradually admits he hasn’t. But he never admits that he’ll get commission for everyone who signs up and deposits money. Or that it’s likely to cost each member much more than £1 to be able to enter the competition, after they’ve made minimum deposits.

But I don’t think he actually read the Terms and Conditions of the agreement he has with Virgin Games.

If you look at the Virgin Games website you can see those Ts&Cs, at http://www.virgingames.com/affiliates/Terms.aspx. Notably these sections (I’ve added my own emphasis for what I consider applies most to Oldham…)

You should not apply to our Affiliate Program if you do not agree with the following terms and conditions. If you have any queries about the content of this Agreement, please email us at affiliates@virgingames.com.

7.3. We may reject your application if we determine in our sole discretion that your website is not suitable for the our Affiliate Program for any reason, including but not limited to: inclusion of content on your website that we consider is in any way unlawful, harmful, threatening, defamatory, obscene, harassing, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable. By way of example only, this may include:

1. sexually explicit, pornographic or obscene content (whether in text or graphics);
2. speech or images that are offensive, profane, hateful, threatening, harmful, defamatory, libellous, harassing or discriminatory (whether based on race, ethnicity, creed, religion, gender, sexual orientation, physical disability or otherwise);
3. graphic violence;
4. politically sensitive or controversial issues or
5. any unlawful behaviour or conduct.

7.4. We shall reject your application if:

1. your website is designed to appeal to minors;
2. your website infringes or appears to infringe any intellectual property rights;
3. your website does not match the website design, architecture, content or target standards we require of our revenue share Affiliates. Such standards exclude, for example: confusing navigation, heavy loading, design inconsistencies, lack of/scarce use of written/editorial content, low traffic ratings or non gaming targeted traffic (we may advise you to apply to our CPA network partner instead);
4. your website is under construction;
5. your website is hosted in a jurisdiction where online gaming advertising is prohibited by law; or
6. you are already a registered Affiliate on our Affiliate Program.

In other words, Duncan Oldham should not have applied to this affiliate programme. So if you’ve time, please email the address above and warn Mr Branson’s lot that they’ve a fat copyright stealing liar promoting their product in a fairly misleading way, on his porn-ridden site full of threats towards anyone who disagrees with him. You get the idea. The more people who get in touch with them the quicker they’ll deal with him.

Richard Branson doing business with the charity thief that is Duncan Oldham? I somehow don’t think he’d like that.

This next one was funny too….

#161381 – Today at 05:25 PM
FAO Dunk
Hall10 Hall10
KopTalk Member

Registered: 05/09/06
Posts: 105
Dunk, With the possibility of “Ged” becoming Newcastle manager, and with Owen already there and their possible signing of Cisse…. Will you be switching clubs and starting BARCODETALK.COM??? 😀
— — — — — — — — —
#161385 – Today at 05:31 PM Re: FAO Dunk [Re: Hall10]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18789 Now it’s funny you should say that

I’ve been asked to help with loads of football club websites in the past including Newcastle. Sadly when I told people this a few members of my ‘fan club’ on other sites tried to make a big deal out of this. I’ve tested the water and have an interest in a few live projects but it’s a big secret so don’t tell anyone

I’d love to see Ged back though but not at Newcastle as he deserves better.
— — — — — — — — —

So the story changes again. Dunk alternates constantly between admitting he had set up a Newcastle website and a Spurs website, and saying he only offered advice after “being approached for help”. He sometimes claims he had a site planned for, of all teams, Nottingham Forest! The truth is that he set up site for Spurs, and a site for Newcastle. Neither got many hits, and one of them was based on software he hadn’t paid for. He closed both down a year ago.

It was some time later that he applied for a licence from the Premier League to use photographs of Premier League football games on his site. He lied on his application. If you’ve time, can you ring the Premier League and tell them he doesn’t have numerous sites covering numerous football clubs? He only has the LFC site, and that means he should have got permission from LFC, not the Premier League. It’s LFC’s decision how much he should pay for the licence, not the Premier League’s, if his site only features LFC! He lied to the Premier League to get his licence.

Give them a call, tell them the truth, and mention to them that he also thinks the licence includes the actual fees for the use of each photo too. It doesn’t, and he uses those photos without paying for them. Copyright theft.

Shortly afterwards I noticed he had changed the page talking about the flights to Athens. This was a little after I’d had an email from Trading Standards saying they were looking into this offer. Perhaps he’d been warned about the credit card stuff.

Looks like one member doesn’t want to pay £30 for a complete pile of crap…

#161623 – 24 minutes 22 seconds ago
Yo Dunk..(possible goodbye to everyone)
Vish Vish
KopTalk Member

Registered: 12/05/04
Posts: 762
Just catching up on my email since my long holiday and have noticed i’m about 2 days away from my subscription ending. I am having second thoughts as whether to renew only because I am a little concerned at the value for money aspect. £30 is a alot of money (especially to a newly graduated unemployed lazy cnut like me).

Any new plans for this summer or up-coming seasons? I do like the fact that there’s loads of videos on here and I can easily catch up with stuff if I’m out the country etc.

Are other members having second thoughts whether to renew? No hidden agendas here Dunk, been around for a while here now just thought i’d weigh up my options if thats cool. If i am going i’ll just take an opportunity to thank everyone at Koptalk plus the excellent contributors for making this a top site
#161635 – 6 minutes 0 seconds ago
Re: Yo Dunk..(possible goodbye to everyone) [Re: Vish]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 18806 If you’re genuinely unemployed and a bit skint then we can help you. The site isn’t about squeezing money out of our members, it’s about ticking over.(My arse!) For less than 9p-a-day I know it’s worth it because of the amount of time we put in but I guess i’m going to say that 🙂 (And we’re off again, starry-eyed Dunk actually believing people still fall for this crap)

There are plenty of other LFC sites on the web that are supported by donations or advertising, or they have a team (group of friends) that chip in to pay the bills. Sadly I’m on my own with the help of family and friends and I’ve chosen to have an optional membership and the site was free to all from 1998/99 until we switched to subs.(Was this during the dot com boom that made you those millions you turned down, or whatever it is you normally drone on about?)

Contrary to popular belief, that means we take less revenue than when we were open to all.(Are you still unwaged, or have you stopped claiming that now? It’s hard to say you’re unwaged when you spend so much on cars and gadgets, without drawing attention to the lack of proof Lauren ever got the money you’d collected for her.) If it was about money I would make the site open to all and rake it in on the ad revenue.(You normally claim there is no money in net ads any more. Like the S*n ones you ran, but not just those. So why’s that story changed again?) The reason I prefer it this way is that it helps keep out rival fans and other idiots. (You mean it makes it harder for anyone to spread the word about you. You prefer to keep them in your little concentration camp instead, where they can’t speak to each other without being watched!) Since we’ve gone members only we’re also online every minute of every day overseeing things.(He means he has NY drop-out Smoove logged on overnight, and 17-year-old UK college drop-out Katrina on during the day, with him and his dopey step-bro doing the rest of the shifts. Why? Because they need to swoop on suicide posts as quickly as possible, they can’t afford many more people to see the anger they’ve caused.)

Since going members only we have stepped up to the best hosting available in the country (but at a price). (Yes – we checked. After reading your claims of £600 per month I actually found out the true price. £97 per month. That’s over £500 less than you claimed. Mr Bullshit. £97 isn’t too bad, for a managed service aimed at those who don’t know what they’re doing.) It’s an invisible feature I guess because you guys won’t think about that kind of stuff. I like the security of a 5 minute response time when the site goes down and regular updates rather than waiting hours and hours for a support request to be answered, never mind dealt with, when the site is down.(As long as you put the support request in though Dunk – when you were away on your “jolly” to Barca with your members money, your site was down for a good few hours. Nobody told UKFast it was down. You’ve only got the most basic service they do. £97).

We’ve registered with the Premier League since going members only have and stumped up our licence fees and spent thousands of pounds getting you guys the best match photos without having to lift them for you.(See above – again, try and give the Premier League a call. Tell them Dunk’s licence was obtained by deception. And ask them if Dunk’s actually been paying the agencies for each photo.)

Maybe these things mean little but the point I’m trying to make I guess is that we don’t pocket revenue. (Ah – off we go again)We invest every single penny back into the site.(So how do you pay for food then fatty? You eat a lot of it. And your car? Don’t pretend it’s property, we know it’s not. How do you live? Benefits? You contradict yourself too much.) It would be easy to save on hosting, we could ditch the photos and open up the forums to non members but I like the way things are now. It generally attracts more sensible people.(Like wezo23?)

We’ve also given away loads of match tickets and have made many Reds happy as a result. Maybe we need to fix a comp so you win (You can’t get match tickets you said earlier? Another contradiction. You started to give them away as soon as you realised we were watching. And you do fix the competitions. Don’t you?)

(He’s still not finished…)I see it more of people supporting us if they like what we do rather than buying into something for the sake of it. Because at the end of the day I like to think of it as a family and I think that’s why thousands of members renew every year. But we can’t meet the needs of everyone.(THOUSANDS! I think not. In fact I know not. But “thousands” means at least two thousand, which would be sixty grand in membership fees. Where does it all go? Is it declared? Well for starters I would be surprised if he’d even had 100 new members in the last 12 months. And whatever he does get in doesn’t get declared anywhere. It’s all hidden away in PayPal accounts. (For now).)

At the end of the day we’re just ordinary fans, we’re not a big player, we don’t have the resources of the big boys but we give 110% and if that’s not good enough or if that doesn’t warrant support, there’s not much more we can do 🙂 (Oh dear, dear me. Violin please.)

I’ve just paid for a site upgrade here which should happen soon. I also hope to have some new skins developed for people at work so the forums don’t stand out too much for them and fit in more with their work environment! (Paid for it? I should hope so, because you didn’t pay for it when you used it on your porn site. And you’ve also been looking at changing to the Exponent content management system, which is free open-source software. So don’t be trying to claim you paid for that if you do ever work out how to install it.)

We pay for a chat room, the podcast, the radio service, the SMS alerts (which cost us thousands of pounds every month or so), the match photos, the licences, the best hosting (bnest business host 3 years running I believe), 24/7 moderation, the best prizes… I don’t really know what else I could give. (He’s not mentioned the SMS alerts for a while. Those alerts that people get for a very short time before they all dry up. The ones that keep being reduced all the time. And if you’re now saying you pay for the moderation does that mean that you are all now getting a wage? Contradictions again.)

If people go on holiday they can let us know and we’ll call them at the hotel to let them know what’s happening at LFC or we can text them or fax them. If someone’s stuck on the tube and they need to know what’s happening at Anfield they can text Steve to ask and he’ll text back. If someone can’t get an LFC kit we’ll go to the club shop and buy what they want and send to them wherever they are in the world at cost, no profit…. it’s the small things that cost nothing that are probably welcomed the most. Oh yeh and our transfer deadline day updates are priceless (Has anyone ever had regular personalised updates on holiday? Can you get text messages out from the tube, considering it’s underground? Kits at cost? Do you add petrol money onto those costs for the journey from your Wallsend bunker to the club shop four hours’ drive away? And how about those special shirts you supply – you know the ones that you and Steve write on with black marker and claim Reds players signed them? How come you charge an extra 200 quid for those? Cost only? Bullshit.)

I hope you choose to stay but if you don’t, I wish you well(If he pays, great, if not – get stuffed. As many other members of “the family” found.)

And if you do go, and you don’t need to earn your “I’ve been banned by KopTalk badge” to parade on other sites after acting like a 2-year-old, I’ll even let you have one of my finest steak pies 😉 (That pie joke’s wearing thin as fast as you’re growing fat. And I thought you didn’t ban anyone anyway)

So half an hour in the afternoon, perhaps 15 minutes in the evening, and Dunk made that many mistakes. Dunk drew attention to the fact that there are sites outside the commune. Sites that attack him. And some members will now be using Google to find those sites. And more members will leave as they learn the truth about the Newcastle-season-ticket holder who has spent the last eight years conning Liverpool fans.

Well done Dunk – you market this site better than anyone these days!