Struggling conman begging for more money

It’s been a few months since I last had a look at kraptalk to see what was going on. So I thought I’d have a look in to see if there’s still life. I came across this pathetic begging from Dunk. It’s obvious he can’t get in new members these days so he’ll have to squeeze out more from those who already have been sucked in years ago and still haven’t woken up to the fact that it’s all a scam.

For some time KOPTALK has been struggling to advance due a lack of revenue that we can invest in to the website and the things that we try to offer. I have spoken about this openly on here and tried different things to generate revenue while fighting back increasing the 10p-a-day membership fee that I think we’ve had in place for more than a decade.

The problem is that over that time period, our costs have grown significantly and we now have to pay VAT and increased income tax which we have absorbed. For example, the VAT fee that we have to pay on memberships, we pay this, we don’t add it on top of the £36.50 annual fee as we should. We do this so you don’t have to pay more. With VAT and taxes come additional accountancy and admin fees. With popularity becomes more problems.

Our position is for the first time in almost 20 years now under threat and we really need to find a solution.

We find ourselves having to run promotions more frequently which gives us a quick cash injection at any one time but long term we lose that renewing revenue. Without the promotion we ran in the summer, we could never have invested in the new office that I’m working from. It’s not flash, it’s just a few desks and more space, it’s not even finished, but it was needed to provide a better experience for you or that is my intentions anyway. We also ran a Crowdfunder that enabled me to purchase a new computer, my first in 8 years. We have done a couple of things and are still finalising them.

Nobody that works on the site, me included, receives a wage and never has (other than our accountant and former VIP columnists i.e. former Reds, who were paid). This doesn’t mean that there are no benefits. The site covers my household bills but that is it. In winter it doesn’t even stretch that far which is why you saw a Black Friday promotion which was not successful, hence this post. Yesterday for example the site made £8.75 in revenue. In the summer it could be ten times that which is why you see investment over the summer usually. However, over the course of the year, we do break even but it does not generate enough revenue to improve anything. Truth be told I’d be better off doing other things but I love what we have here.

Here’s an example of what needs addressing. The following is required and/or held up:

* iPhone app – broken … never updated since first version, no longer compatible, we need a new app

* Android app – no revenue to build

* KopTalk.co.uk non-members website – broken, we need a new site, Google now applying penalties i.e. decreasing ad revenue, dropping down search results

* KopTalk.com members website – needs updating, developer been waiting for go ahead but we don’t have the revenue

* KopTalk.co.uk/forums (free forums) – broken, haven’t been able to accept new registrations for several years – no funds for the developer

We just can never find the revenue to proceed. We are stuck in a vicious circle. We need revenue to improve these things which will then generate more revenue. Does that make sense?

We’ve raked up debts close to £10,000. 40% to 50% of that we will try to reduce between June and September 2016.

I launched DKB.TV to try and create another revenue stream and that has helped but only in terms of covering internet access each month and a couple of very small purchases have been made e.g. HTC Re Camera for Melwood Raw videos.

The members’ website obviously has zero advertising and we want it to remain that way.

Pride takes a hit when being open like this but you are our family and it’s important that you know what’s happening.

We have been looking at various options but we have struggled to agree on what to do. If we start selling ourself out on the non-members website then we lose our independence. We want to keep our membership fee at 10p-a-day to help you guys.

We could run monthly Crowdfunders but we think people would get tired of this and we hate having to promote such. One a year is maybe acceptable but no more. We also considered a newsletter delivered by post but this would take up more time and we’re not sure people would jump to have that due to today’s online world.

There is no way that the members’ website will go under so your membership will always be safe here but we have to plan ahead. We need our own 5 year plan that we often hear managers talking of!

I am happy getting by personally. I have a nice home and a nice car. I’m not really bothered about fancy holidays and even when I’ve been away, I work on KopTalk daily anyway. KopTalk is my life. I’m here every day of my life from dawn until dusk, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t want or need much. I just want to get on with it.

However, I have to find a way of raising revenue to cover the investment of fixing the broken things listed above and to take the site forward. As I don’t have a partner or any other help, it’s a huge struggle for me personally.

Having held talks here this morning, we don’t think seeking donations will help. People rightfully want something back but we want to avoid a monthly Crowdfunder for example.

We think we need to raise a minimum of £500-a-month purely for investment in to the site. This means nobody benefits personally but the people who support it.

I should point out that we do not remove any member who falls on hard times. We pay their membership and in some cases other members do. We try to help where we can. We don’t just take and many can vouch for this.

One thing we considered was launching a 100 Club (KopTalk 100 Legends Club). This would be for 100 members donating £50 a year on top of their sub. In return we would run a monthly prize draw for the 100 club (e.g. £25 Amazon vouchers, free memberships etc) and a weekly Lotto syndicate based on the UK lottery. We thought of creating a KopTalk 100 Legends Club forum and listing the supporting members across the site. Nothing will of course be taken from the members’ website ever. We would still fall short of our £500-a-month target but I’m not even convinced that many people will help us. I know they would if they could frown

If that idea failed then we will have no choice but to increase the membership fee. The downside to that is way me lose people. If people desert us then we’ll plod on until we have to turn the lights off when everyone’s subs eventually expire. Problem solved. I can finally kick back and be a grandad.

Having to sell off some of my LFC memorabilia on eBay recently is a sign that I can’t continue to ignore this and just plod on. We have to fix the things that are broken. I’ve considered selling my car and even moving to a smaller home but I think that’s starting to take this passion a bit too far then. When you are feeling it that much, it’s time for change.

I’m told our membership numbers stay around the same so we’re not losing people. We just don’t seem to progress. We’ve plateaued. A quick look at the non-members website and you can see why.

I guarantee that the members website will continue to operate while I’m breathing. Some of you probably don’t care about these issues, but I know that we have a very, very loyal bunch who love KopTalk due to the comments I receive every daily via support and to myself. I know they’d be wounded if we packed up shop one day.

I’m not going to sell a chunk of the website because people want to exploit you with their products and harvest your data. This is my baby and she will tick over until I kick the bucket. Then, well I hope Rob will take over it, if not, it will be handed over to our members, this is something that I plan to discuss with some of you in due course as to how that could work.

OK SO WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP?

1) Stay with the members’ website! Without you we’re stuffed. So many people rely on your presence, especially the non-members, our fans all over the world. You make a difference trust me!

2) Find me someone who is stinking rich!

3) Can we promote your business to our members? We have never had sponsors, maybe we need to look at that?

4) Email sensible ideas or words of encouragement to dunk @ koptalk.com because I feel a bit stupid right now

5) Join our KopTalk 100 Legends Club and see if we can make that work. If it bombs, we will honour those who take part and then we’ll have to increase the membership sub at a later date and see what happens then. If we got 100 signed up, we would be safe until the summer and then the revenue picks up. Everyone can track the progress via the thread at the bottom of the page.

You can join using the PayPal button below or by emailing support @ koptalk.com

A separate post has been added (see link below) which will list the KopTalk Legends and their allocated number for the monthly draws etc. We will also find a way of having some kind of badge or title assigned to your membership profile / avatar when we upgrade this site. I think we can already assign ‘KopTalk Legend’ on this current set-up so people will see your status and importance to the future development of the site.

Just throwing the dice guys … we have no idea how you will react. Don’t forget your support helps members and non-members. We are one family.

I’ve also added a video below about this.

Dunk

Yesterday it was followed-up by this:

Ok well we haven’t reached 100, or even 50, but we have got 36 of you on board and I want to thank you guys for that. Everyone is important here but the 36 ‘KopTalk Legends’ enabled the members website to be upgraded, the non-members forums to be fixed and upgraded and the non-members website to be re-launched. All of that would have been impossible without those 36 members.

Without the non-members content we will never be able to add new blood to the members website and I think that would be damaging. There is a possibility that the non-members website may be shut down at the end of the year but I will do everything I can to keep her going.

In the summer we will be running a lifetime promo for existing members again. This generates an injection of one-off revenue but also means long term we lose revenue i.e. renewals but it’s satisfying rewarding our die-hard members and at the same time it does help.

That promo will be limited to a set amount and it maybe our last of that kind as long term they don’t help. If all slots are taken up, the site will have dug itself out of a hole without the need of increasing the membership contribution or locking out a number of members who have fallen on bad times who we are covering.

If we fail to meet our revenue target in the summer, the non-members website will close for good. The members website will of course remain until I kick the bucket

Jokes aside … I also need to start to think about life after me. If I keel over today, the site would die too. I’m thinking of forming a group of some kind that would be able to make decisions and manage the site without me so that at the very least you guys could remain together. I’d like my son Rob (16) to be involved but he’s more focused on his own path and I think that’s the best for now. If we had this informal group / board (maybe the 100 Club Members?), KopTalk would never die. How it would be run then would be down to that group and all of you. I’m not sure if this will definitely happen but I’d be saddened to think that KopTalk would die if I died. Miserable stuff (for me, anyway LOL) but it’s important to me. Sorry.

The site remains in the red following improvements, investment and ongoing costs but the members website is perfectly safe as it pays for itself. If the promo in the summer is a success, then 2017 should be perfect. If we can add to the numbers on the 100 Club then eventually I will be able to relaunch the iPhone app, introduce an Android app and have new work friendly skins made for here.

You can learn about the 100 Club below but please note that the post needs updating. I will address that next week when I’m back in my office:

http://www.koptalk.coN/members/ubbthread…gends-club.html

These are the KopTalk legends who have pledged their ongoing additional support for everyone:

http://www.koptalk.coN/members/ubbthread…-remaining.html

I’ll keep you posted on the summer promo which will help you, me and everyone else associated to the site.

Thanks for your valuable and ongoing support. I’m very excited about the forthcoming transfer window and what I’m hoping to see

YNWA

Dunk

PS: A couple of you have previously emailed me with suggestions and feedback. I will reply as soon as I can. I receive a lot of email and I don’t like rushing a reply with a dismissive sentence or two, so please bear with me so that I can reply properly with the time you deserve. Several people have suggested revenue generating schemes etc but I’ve always pledged to keep the members website ad-free. I also don’t want to sell things

Koptalks attempt to be clever backfires again

We’ve covered some of the following in comments on our previous post, but I guess it’s woth it’s own post now. The so-called inside information on koptalk is getting more embarrassing by the day as the transfers doesn’t go through even though The_Informer said money was about to be moved more than two weeks ago. More than three weeks ago Informer expected LFC to agree a fee for another player as Henderson was about to be signed:

#849708 – June 08, 2011 11:13 some news
The_Informer
KopTalk VIP

Registered: October 15, 2007
Posts: 158 It seems that Liverpool hope to agree a transfer fee for another English player today based on a memo that I have seen this morning.

Money for Henderson hasn’t left yet but that should be sorted by 4 pm. Henderson wasn’t at Melwood early morning.

Comolli was negotiating with Blackburn Rovers and Birmingham City last night for Jones and Dann and is still talking to Ipswich about Wickham.

Disregard claims that Manchester United are winning the race to sign any of our targets. Every player that we are negotiating for wants to move to Liverpool.

Substantial money is available for further expenditure. Once the long term targets have been secured you will see Comolli turn to Europe.

Notice the edit from the original post in our comments.

This post was made as the media was claiming Jones was at Melwood for a medical. SkyBet even suspended betting on the transfer, but as it later emerged, he was actually on his way to manure. Dunk didn’t want to be caught out though so he, sorry Informer, tried to be clever and get the news out early. Too early it seems, and he spent the best part of that day to try to talk himself out of that error.

Less than a week later rumours again prompted Dunk/Informer to post. There were several rumours doing the rounds though, so he couldn’t be quite sure what was about to happen. The rumours was all about english based players though so that narrowed it down a bit and he came up with this:

#853262 – June 13, 2011 13:13 funds + medical
The_Informer
KopTalk VIP

Registered: October 15, 2007
Posts: 158
Liverpool are preparing to move money. This won’t happen today as a deadline has passed for this to happen. It should happen tomorrow or Wednesday. Expect a medical later in the week if papers stamped tonight. £5 million advance, U.K. account.

His follow-up showed he didn’t know what was happening:

#853294 – June 13, 2011 13:21 Re: funds + medical [Re: NaviFC]
The_Informer
KopTalk VIP

Registered: October 15, 2007
Posts: 158

Originally Posted By: NaviFC
Thanks for the info… Is this for Charlie Adam????

I never know the name of players when money is exchanging hands. I only get the destinations. There are no papers to see yet so I know that it this deal hasn’t been agreed. Because of procedure I know something is imminent. I know it’s a U.K. destination and not outside the U.K. because of the currency and the fact it’s not going into a holding account.

So. More than two weeks ago money was about to be moved, and something was imminent. But nothing happened. The twitter rumour mill was just that, rumours. The Adam rumours wouldn’t go away though, and claims that the transfer was close made Dunk confident that he could expand a bit further so he came up with this:

#855770 – June 17, 2011 12:42 some news
The_Informer
KopTalk VIP

Registered: October 15, 2007
Posts: 158
I previously mentioned that the club were preparing to transfer an advance payment in relation to an imminent player transfer agreement. That agreement did not within the time frame that I expected which isn’t unusual, but the money is earmarked for Blackpool. I don’t think it can go today but I am very confident that it will go ahead. The club would not move money unless they were absolutely certain that a transfer was proceeding. I have never seen anything advance to this stage and then be cancelled off.

Two weeks later, the transfer that was supposed to be imminent, and which the club was moving money for, still hasn’t gone through. A couple of days ago the local media in Blackpool said Adam had told the club he wanted to join Liverpool. And would you belive it? Informer resurfaced:

#862647 – June 30, 2011 11:37 Re: some news [Re: The_Informer]
The_Informer
KopTalk VIP

Registered: October 15, 2007
Posts: 158

Originally Posted By: The_Informer
I previously mentioned that the club were preparing to transfer an advance payment in relation to an imminent player transfer agreement. That agreement did not within the time frame that I expected which isn’t unusual, but the money is earmarked for Blackpool. I don’t think it can go today but I am very confident that it will go ahead. The club would not move money unless they were absolutely certain that a transfer was proceeding. I have never seen anything advance to this stage and then be cancelled off.

It is going ahead.

A day later it looks like the transfer isn’t so imminent after all as Adam was quoted saying:

“I go back to Blackpool on Monday and that’s the way it is.
“Everybody knows the situation – the club have met with Liverpool but that’s as far as it has gone.
“I had a conversation with the chairman (Karl Oyston) but that will remain private.
“It’s important that we keep everything in-house – whatever happens will happen.”

So, once again Dunks attempts to be clever and try to predict what the future holds, passing it off as inside information, has backfired. We’ve shown you, our readers, time and time again that this is how Dunk works. Still there are hundreds off gullible koptalk members who believe everything they are told by Dunk and his imaginary insiders. Every time they come out with these lies there are dozens of arse-licking replies thanking for the information. Why don’t they demand answers as to why the things they’ve been told turns out to be wrong? Well, there are a few who does, but they are always shot down in flames by the gullible mob. Every time someone tries to raise the subject they’re told “How can you question Informer/wallet/Ranter/Dunk with their proven track record.” But what that proven track record is noone knows. It’s just something they say. Ask them what koptalk and it’s insiders was first to reveal, and they’ll have no clue what to say. It’s like a cult in there. And by the looks of it most of them have committed mass suicide as the forums are dead quiet compared to sites with similar number of members. Even sites with a lot less members are way more active than koptalk these days. The sad thing is that most of the members are only there to read the inside information, but they don’t realize it’s made-up or stolen from other sites. And this is what they pay £36,5 a year for.

Posted in Koptalk - Lies, Koptalk - Made Up stuff, Koptalk Members Site, The Insider. Comments Off on Koptalks attempt to be clever backfires again

Jordan Henderson transfer rumours

There have been rumours going around the internet at various times that Liverpool are interested in signing Jordan Henderson from Sunderland. About a week ago it emerged again as rumours started circulating on twitter that Liverpool was in for Henderson, and even some rumours we had made a bid and had it accepted. One koptalk member posted this in the forums, but the thread was closed swiftly by Dunk, saying members should not post info from twitter. He also dismissed the rumours and said “Liverpool are not negotiating with the player’s club today. Liverpool have scouted the player several times but today’s claims are untrue and should be dismissed at this time.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Koptalk - Lies, Koptalk - Made Up stuff, Koptalk Members Site, Kraptalk, Liverpool FC, The Insider. Comments Off on Jordan Henderson transfer rumours

Koptalks latest scam

Despite claims of thousands and thousands of members paying 36.50 GBP each, koptalk and duncan oldham have resorted to old tricks of conning Liverpool fans to pay for his latest venture, the koptalk iPhone app.

http://www.koptalkblog.coN/2011/02/liverpool-fc-news-iphone-app-update/

What Dunk wont ever tell anyone is how much the project cost and never will he keep a public tab on who donated what and how much money he actually accepted. It smells of his cousin Lauren and the Alder Hey collections where no final amount, though suspected to be in the thousands could ever be accounted for.

It’s classic duncan oldham. Goes off to America with his fiance at the expense of his members and comes back to them with a begging bowl to pay for the app, claiming he cant afford the project
There is no shame in the man, He even wants his members to believe that someone donated 1500 GBP for the app just because he is a good guy and the off-chance the bait will be taken by other members for a contribution.

What will a koptalk app offer anyone that you cant already get for free from Twitter ? Almost everything dunk posts today is recycled from Twitter. If Dunk has all this so-called insider information, how come not one Liverpool Football journalist follows him, not one ? Tony Barrett, Tony Evans, Chris Bascombe, Brian Reade, Ben Thornley to mention a few are all easily accessible on twitter, just ask any one of them their thoughts about duncan oldham and koptalk.

Save your money or do the very bare minimum of doing your homework before you part with any cash.

Posted in Dunk's Excuses, Insider Insider Comments, Koptalk - Lies, The Insider. Comments Off on Koptalks latest scam

Summer 2010 – Insider scoops by koptalk

With the next transfer window fast approaching it may be worth having a look at how the “Insiders” of koptalk did during the transfer window last summer. Quite a few new players arrived, but did the koptalkers know about it before the rest of the internet? Surely that’s why hundreds sign up without even bothering to make a single post in the forums. The lure of inside information has always been the main marketing trick for Dunk, but what do you really get? I did a similar post a couple of years back, and there was no inside info back then. Was there this year? Let’s have a look. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Insider Insider Comments, Koptalk - Lies, Koptalk - Made Up stuff, Koptalk Members Site, Liverpool FC, The Insider. Comments Off on Summer 2010 – Insider scoops by koptalk

KopTalk’s Greatest Hits

Duncan Oldham tells so many lies on KopTalk that even he can’t keep track of them all, which has provided us with countless moments of unintentional hilarity since this blog began.

But there is a downside. Over the past four years, documenting this Everest of bullshit has required more than 800 articles and almost 15,000 comments. There’s a danger that Oldhams’s most deranged, pathetic and disgusting lies get lost in the swill of his routine, everyday bullshit.

So we’ve been trawling through the archives to put together what you might call KopTalk’s Greatest Hits. These are the moments when Oldham reveals his true colours, when he proves beyond doubt that he’s an unhinged fantasist who will say and do anything if he feels it will earn him money or attract attention.

Above all, they show the contempt with which Oldham views Liverpool fans. You can imagine him laughing his head off as he types this garbage, confident that he can insult our intelligence and still dupe us out of our money.

Oldham’s career in bullshitting has been nothing if not prolific. With such an extensive back catalogue, including the much-loved golden oldies Chris Waddle Has Offered To Sell Me His Melwood House and Someone Made A Bid Of £1.3 Million For A 10% Stake In KopTalk – And I Turned Them Down, we didn’t think we could do justice to the great man with just a single collection. So we’ll be giving him the multi-volume treatment he so richly deserves. Think of this as Duncan Oldham: The Best Of – Volume One.

And for any current KopTalk members reading this – do you ever get the feeling you’ve been conned?


Should I Buy A Melwood Property Overlooking The Training Pitches, Or One Overlooking The Gates? (3 July 2006)

“A lot will depend on where we buy. I fancy a house overlooking the training pitches but I also know that having the gate monitored would be very handy. It’s all down to wonga. I was quoted £250k today for a house at the gates and £150k for a house that overlooks the pitches.

Do we want a CCTV on the gates fed into our office or a webcam showing the lads training?”


Chris Waddle Has Offered To Sell Me His Melwood House (4 July 2006)

“Former England ace Chris Waddle has offered to sell me his house. It’s located close to Melwood and is on the market at £300,000. We’re going to go and see it within the next week. “

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Duncan Oldham, Koptalk - Lies, The Insider. Comments Off on KopTalk’s Greatest Hits

Liverpool FC’s summer 2010 transfer targets revealed / How to set up your own KopTalk-style LFC scam site

We don’t really want to inspire a glut of KopTalk-esque scam sites – one is more than enough – but we are very interested in showing you how unsophisticated the KopTalk con is. Pretty much anybody reading this could pull it off, if you had no qualms about telling cynical lies to Liverpool fans in order to dupe us out of our money.

First, you have to trawl through the BBC Football Gossip pages and the offal’s Media Watch section to compile a list of the players rumoured to be joining and leaving Liverpool since the last summer transfer window closed. These are the potential moves that have been reported in the national press and on mainstream internet sites:

PLAYERS IN:

Goalkeepers:

Jan Oblak (Olimpija Ljubljana), Adam Federici (Reading), Dida (AC Milan), Wayne Hennessey (Wolves).

Defenders:

Ryan Shawcross (Stoke City), Matthew Upson (West Ham), Christian Landu Landu (Viking), Simon Kjaer (Palermo), Herita Ilunga (West Ham left-back), Nicolas Hernan Otamendi (Velez Sarsfield), Bruno Ecuele Manga (Angers SCO), Vasilis Torosidis (Olympiakos right-back), Richard Stearman (Wolves right-back/centre half), Nedum Onuoha (Manchester City), Taye Taiwo (Marseille left-back), Rod Fanni (Rennes fullback), Adil Rami (Lille), Steven Mouyokolo (Hull City), Danny Wilson (Rangers), Aleksandar Kolarov (Lazio left-back), Moussa Kouyate (Paris FC), Gary Cahill (Bolton), Christoph Metzelder (Real Madrid, since signed for Schalke), Nicolas Otamendi (Velez Sarsfield), Madjid Bougherra (Rangers), Micah Richards (Manchester City), Phil Jones (Blackburn), Jan Vertonghen (Ajax), Reto Ziegler (Sampdoria), Sylvinho (Manchester City).

Midfielders:

Angel Di Maria (Benfica winger), Antoine Griezmann (Real Sociedad winger), Keisuke Honda (then of Dutch club VVV-Venlo, signed for CSKA Moscow in January), Jano Ananidze (Spartak Moscow), Vladimir Koman (Sampdoria, currently on loan at Bari), Juan Mata (Valencia), Eljero Elia (Hamburg), Milos Krasic (CSKA Moscow), Adam Johnson (Middlesbrough, since moved to Man City), Rafael Van der Vaart (Real Madrid), Hernanes (Sao Paulo), Yaya Toure (Barcelona – part exchange in a deal for Mascherano), Lassana Diarra (Real Madrid), Sebastian Giovinco (Juventus), Mahamadou Diarra (Real Madrid), Patrick Vieira (Inter, who later moved to Man City), Victor Moses (Crystal Palace, ended up going to Wigan in January), Arda Turan (Galatasaray), Scott Parker (West Ham), Nicolas Lodeiro (Nacional, signed for Ajax in January), James Milner (Aston Villa), Jeremy Menez (Roma), Sergio Canales (Racing Santander attacking midfielder, announced in February that he will sign for Real Madrid in July), Tom Cairney (Hull), Stephen Ireland (Man City), Mark Davies (Bolton), Steven Pienaar (Everton), Ibrahim Afellay (PSV), Javi Martinez (Athletic Bilbao), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Juan Manuel Vargas (Fiorentina winger), Eden Hazard (Lille), Georginio Wijnaldum (Feyenoord), Lee Chung-Yong (Bolton), David Silva (Valencia), Guti (Real Madrid), Michael Johnson (Manchester City), Royston Drenthe (Real Madrid), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Ever Banega (Valencia), Mesut Ozil (Werder Bremen), Caner Erkin (CSKA Moscow), Jesus Navas (Sevilla), David Bentley (Tottenham), Felipe Melo (Juventus), Valon Behrami (West Ham), James Milner (Aston Villa).

Strikers:

David Villa (Valencia), Emile Heskey (Aston Villa), Nilton (Vasco da Gama), Dieumerci MBokani (Standard Liege), Carlton Cole (West Ham), Roman Pavlyuchenko (Spurs), Aaron Hunt (Werder Bremen), Eduardo (Arsenal), Connor Wickham (Ipswich), Bojan Krkic (Barcelona – part exchange in a deal for Mascherano), Ruud van Nistelrooy (Real Madrid, since signed for Hamburg), Keirrison (then at Benfica, on loan from Barcelona, since signed 18-month loan deal with Fiorentina), Cedric Mongongu (Monaco), James Beattie (Stoke City), Kenwyne Jones (Sunderland), Roque Santa Cruz (Man City), Erik Huseklepp (SK Brann), Goran Pandev (Lazio, moved to Inter in January), Frederic Piquionne (Portsmouth, on loan from Lyon), Luis Suarez (Ajax), Louis Saha (signed a two-year extension to his deal at Everton in February), Nikola Zigic (Valencia), Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (AC Milan), Milan Jovanovic (Standard Liege, announced he would join us but still tbc), Alexander Jacobsen (14-year-old Danish forward), Kevin Kuranyi (Schalke), John Cofie (Manchester United), Hugo Rodallega (Wigan), Manuel Gavilan (Real Betis), Raul (Real Madrid), Mario Balotelli (Inter), Diego Forlan (Atletico Madrid), Carlos Tevez (Manchester City), Karim Benzema (Real Madrid), Kristoffer Peterson (Savedalens IF), Haris Vuckic (Newcastle United), Alexis Sanchez (Udinese), Mamadou Niang (Marseille), Vincenzo Iaquinta (Juventus), Emmanuel Adebayor (Man City), Giampaolo Pazzini (Sampdoria), Giuseppe Rossi (Villareal), Adriano (Flamengo), Edin Dzeko (Wolfsburg), Diego Tardelli (Atletico Mineiro).

PLAYERS OUT:

Steven Gerrard (Real Madrid, Barcelona, AC Milan and Inter Milan), Fernando Torres (Man City, Chelsea, Barcelona and Juventus), Javier Mascherano (Barcelona, Juventus, Man City, Chelsea and Inter Milan), Dirk Kuyt (Juventus), Yossi Benayoun (Man City, Lokomotiv Moscow, Dinamo Moscow, Roma, Spurs, Aston Villa, Sevilla and Chelsea), Fabio Aurelio (to Olympiakos and AC Milan), Ryan Babel (half the clubs in Europe), Damien Plessis (Lazio Genoa and AEK Athens), Martin Skrtel (Juventus), Albert Riera, Alberto Aquilani (Fiorentina, Juventus), Diego Cavalieri (Benfica), Dani Pacheco (Celtic, loan), Krisztian Nemeth (to remain on loan with AEK Athens), Nabil El Zhar (AEK Athens, loan), Chris Mavinga (AEK Athens, loan), Thomas Ince (Chelsea), Jay Spearing (Leicester).

Next you need to invent some ludicrously-named aliases. We’ve gone for Pilkington, Wallet and The Informer. Depending on how much cider you’ve drunk, you now have to either strongly imply or boldly state that these aliases are in fact high-profile figures associated with Liverpool FC. We’ve decided that Pilkington is Christian Purslow, The Informer is Tony Barrett and Wallet may or may not be Philip Nash.

We’ve no idea why these people would be passing on classified information to members of a football forum that doesn’t even feature in Alexa’s list of the top 40 LFC sites. It doesn’t make any sense at all, but we aren’t going to let that stop us.

The third step is to create your own “insider” phrasebook. Here are a few tips to get you up and running:

Posted in Duncan Oldham, Koptalk - Lies, Koptalk Members Site, Liverpool, The Insider. Comments Off on Liverpool FC’s summer 2010 transfer targets revealed / How to set up your own KopTalk-style LFC scam site