We’re probably the only people in the world who are happy to tune in to the hopelessly shoddy Koptalk TV. It’s heartening to watch Oldham showing everyone how shifty, oily and thick he is. But his bulletins have left us hungry for more – there are some missing episodes we’ve been looking forward to seeing for some time:
– Any footage whatsoever of Oldham in Athens for the Champions League final
– In particular, coverage of Oldham in an Athens VIP enclosure with Steve McManaman, Luis Garcia and Mike Jefferies
– The video of the alleged two-hour meeting Oldham had with Tom Hicks in Dallas
– Any shots of Oldham during the home matches he claimed he would be attending this season
But we’ll never see any of these videos, because none of them exist.
Oldham wasn’t in Athens. He only came up with the McManaman and Garcia bullshit because he needed an excuse to avoid meeting the Koptalk members who were in Greece.
The two-hour meeting with Hicks never happened – Oldham spent no more than ten minutes in his company.
And Oldham hasn’t dared to go to Anfield for a long time. The only matches he has attended in recent years were when he sat with his fellow Newcastle season ticket holders in St James’ Park – at a safe distance from the Liverpool fans he has been conning for almost a decade.
Another missing episode was revealed during one of Oldham’s recent bulletins, when he said of the club’s owners: “We’ve spoke to both men, we’ve met them”. Even during Oldham’s wildest fantasies about his trip to Montreal – and there were many – he had never claimed to have met George Gillett, for the simple reason that Gillett wasn’t even in the city when Oldham went there.
This year, Oldham has displayed videos of himself eating breakfast and filling up a petrol tank, of Steve showering and of Katie showing off her tits. So he could certainly find the time to produce the missing episodes and prove us wrong. Unless he’s making it all up yet again, of course.