Read more of those made-up and stolen £30 KopTalk stories for free

Here’s today’s quota of made-up bullshit and stolen stories from Koptalk. You could create your own by taking a few articles from NewsNow and adding a new, vague headline, before hitting the ciders and scribbling down the first nonsense which pops into your head:

Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez is keen to turn around the current mini-slump in our form and recently called an emergency summit to discuss the situation with senior players.

—leads to—

14/10/07 01:43 PM Emergency summit held at Melwood
KopTalk Team Administrator
Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez called an emergency summit with senior members of his squad last week to try and fix the slump in recent form.
The ‘crisis meeting’ was held in Rafa’s office at Melwood and was attended by Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher, Pepe Reina, Steve Finnan and Xabi Alonso.
Basically the boss is calling on his main stars to raise their performances and at the same time he wants them to try and lift morale in the squad, which is ironic when you consider someone like Peter Crouch for example could score a brace and then be left out the next game – surely that damages morale when layers have no idea what they need to do right to earn a game?


As taken from today’s Sunday Mirror:

This one will certainly get our members hitting the roof in ecstasy, or then again, maybe they’ll hit the bottle….

—leads to—

14/10/07 01:08 PM Liverpool can have striker for £6m
KopTalk Team Administrator
Liverpool can sign Michael Owen for a bargain £6million in the summer.
Newspaper reports today claim that a ‘get-out’ clause in his contract will kick-in again at the end of the season meaning he is free to return to Anfield.
Sven Goran Eriksson’s Manchester City look a possible destination with Arsenal and Manchester United preferring to see if he can recover from his ongoing injury problems.
A source is quoted as saying: “The get-out clause that Michael Owen demanded when he signed for Newcastle will become active again next summer.
“Each year his value on the books is reduced and by next summer it will be in the region of £5-6m.
“That means that Manchester City or any other club can come in and trigger his release by matching that figure. Newcastle are powerless to stop him moving on.
“Suggestions that he could fetch £15m are fanciful, given he hasn’t yet proved his long-term fitness. When he was available for £9m this summer no one came in for him.
“Manchester City wouldn’t be his ideal choice, but none of the big four was interested in him this year.
“Newcastle would probably be wise to sell him in January if they could because they would obviously land a bigger fee. In any case they dare not let him get into the final year of his deal without signing a new one because he could then leave for nothing on June 30, 2009.”
Although Liverpool haven’t been linked with the player for some time we just thought we’d throw some fuel on the fire with this news item to see if we can spark a new ‘Owen To Anfield’ campaign to wind a few of you up


Oldham at least had the decency to acknowledge where he got this one from:

Brief snippet added (Sunday)….

—leads to—

14/10/07 02:16 PM Reds recruit wasn’t Rafa’s choice
KopTalk Team Administrator
Tucked inside of Sunday’s reports is a small claim that Rafa Benitez was aware that former Ajax player Piet Hamberg would be replacing Steve Heighway at the academy but that the appointment was not the manager’s actual choice.


As reported pretty much everywhere:

Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez is already looking at his possible 2008 summer signings.

—leads to—

14/10/07 02:00 PM Liverpool boss Benitez keen on Real Madrid star
KopTalk Team Administrator
Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez hasn’t given up on the possibility of bringing Gabriel Heinze to Anfield.
It’s reported today that the boss is sounding out the player about a possible return to the Premiership even though he only moved to Madrid during the summer.
Not long after Heinze signed for the Spanish giants, it was suggested that Rafa had used his connections back in his homeland to strike a deal with Real to use them as a stepping stone to enable Heinze to complete a move to Liverpool next year which would leave the player’s former club Manchester United unable to do anything.
It was also claimed that in return Real were given the first option of signing Xabi Alonso should he ever become available, to try and beat off likely competition from Barcelona for his signature.


14/10/07 01:49 PM Rafa’s new neighbour
KopTalk Team Administrator
Foster Gillett – son of Liverpool FC co-owner George – has moved into an office next door to Reds boss Rafa Benitez at Melwood.
Rather than opting to hide away at Anfield, the club’s new owners felt that Foster’s involvement on a day to day basis with Rafa would help bridge that lack of communication that the boss complained of when the new owners came in.
Foster was brought in to work alongside chief executive Rick Parry.

3 Responses to “Read more of those made-up and stolen £30 KopTalk stories for free”

  1. Bored Says:

    Oldham’s probably read this page, and decided he wants to give out a freeby of his own.

    He has this:


    Check out our report, available also to non members to get a feel for some of the reports you’re missing out on.

    Which leads to this:

    Liverpool star Peter Crouch has ‘indirectly’ hit out at claims that he is refusing to sign a new contract because he hasn’t even been offered one.

    The England hitman will be allowed to leave the club either during the January transfer window or next summer providing Rafa Benitez can raise at least £8million from his sale, money that will go towards a fresh move for David Villa.

    A source ‘close to the player’ (in newspaper terms this usually means the player himself or his agent), said: “Peter has not rejected a new contract because he hasn’t been offered one.

    “They spent the summer months securing several players on new deals and it said everything that Peter was not one of those players asked to secure his future.”

    An Anfield insider told KOPTALK: “Although no date has been set to discuss a new contract with him, a date will be found if it looks like the coach is not getting the right feedback he wants from Valencia.”

    Tottenham could be a possible destination with Jermaine Defoe coming in the other direction if a high profile replacement cannot be found.

    * For the latest on these developments, please check the member areas daily.

    VALENCIA? Is he mixing his bullshit stories up?

  2. chapeau du soleil Says:

    An Anfield insider told KOPTALK (In newspaper terms this always means a fat conman made it up)

  3. 1892 Insider Says:

    Haha @ chapeau.

    So, he’s treating us to a rehash of a day-old Sunday Mirror story, garnished with a made-up quote of his own. Very kind of him to give such an accurate impression of what awaits those foolish enough to subscribe.

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