While we wait in vain for anything of interest to happen on KopTalk, we decided to take another look at KT’s sign-up page – the list of “services” you can get free of charge elsewhere which Duncan Oldham expects you to pay £30 for:
Unlimited access to the world’s ONLY LFC website for VIP Liverpool supporters
A meaningless platitude which translates as: “access to the only LFC site that cons its members into paying £30 to read stories which are made up by its pathological liar of an owner or stolen from other, infinitely superior free sites”.
Exclusive news and reports from inside Anfield and Melwood
“Exclusive” in this case means “made up by a cider-addled Duncan Oldham”.
This summer, only one LFC site ran a news report about Torres having a medical at Melwood a full day before he actually arrived in Liverpool – KopTalk. Because it was the only website to make such crap up.
And only one LFC site carried a news report about Mancini undertaking a medical at Melwood – KopTalk. Because Duncan Oldham was the only LFC website owner to dream up such laughable bullshit.
Exclusive training sessions reports direct from Melwood
Exclusive photos direct from Melwood – see the lads train
Another bare-faced lie. Oldham no longer reprints the Press Association’s images of LFC training sessions – which are available to anybody willing to pay for them – on his website.
We’re uncertain if he’s now simply too skint to afford the images or has been banned by PA for posting their images, watermarked with his website’s url, on Photobucket. Oldham no longer lists his Football DataCo licence on KT, which gave him special permission to use PA’s pics.
The only “exclusive” Melwood photos Oldham has ever posted on KT were the blurry shots taken while standing on a stepladder and peering over the wall there. If any other LFC website owner did this, it’s doubtful anybody would bat an eyelid. But if an LFC website owner who has been claiming for years that he has contacts inside Melwood, on the board and within the first team squad does this, he looks like a liar and a fool.
FREE worldwide SMS alerts of all major LFC news as it happens
FREE worldwide SMS alerts of every confirmed first team line-up
FREE worldwide SMS alerts of all competitive LFC half-time scores
FREE worldwide SMS alerts of all competitive LFC full-time results
Members have been telling us how unreliable this service is since the blog began. Some have never received a single text. It has now become an opt-in service, although this is never made apparent when you sign up. This season, Oldham said he would have the SMS alerts sorted in time for the first competitive match. Then he said they would be ready for the first leg against Toulouse. But over the past week, it has become clear that Oldham has broken yet another promise:
25/08/07 11:06 AM Regarding SMS-alerts?
Mystery Loc: Norway
What’s up with the free sms alert? Would be nice to get the line-up on a SMS when I’m down at he pub!
Is it still available?
25/08/07 11:19 AM Re: Regarding SMS-alerts? [Re: Mystery]
I didn’t get any yet !
25/08/07 11:22 AM Re: Regarding SMS-alerts? [Re: Saudi Scouser]
harrythedog Loc: Chorley, Lancs
nor do i 😦
FREE LFC email address by request e.g. firstname.lastname@example.org
Why would you entrust your email account to someone who feels entitled to hack into members’ accounts when the need arises?
Unlimited access to advertisement free content for all your LFC news i.e. no ads!
This is not strictly true, as Oldham plasters his forums with plugs for his many affiliate deals.
Unlimited access to our Executive Lounges (discussion forums) – moderated 24/7!
Which other forum would list access to its, err, forums as a feature worth paying £30 for? And for any latecomers, they aren’t moderated 24/7 for the benefit of KT members. It’s to ensure that people don’t post links to this blog or start asking uncomfortable questions about Oldham’s many lies.
*Links to FREE audio and/or video of LFC first team matches – watch and listen live!
As provided by every other LFC site. The links Oldham gives out are to the free myp2p site, which is accessible to all. One of KT’s members did unearth another site a few weeks ago, though, so we thought we’d share it with you: http://www.channelsurfing.net
*Details of any satellite feeds to enable reception of individual first team fixtures
FREE weekly Lotto syndicate participation – at least 100 x £1 lines-a-month!
FREE weekly Football Pools syndicate participation
FREE weekly Football Millionaire syndicate participation
Under pressure from the blog last year, Oldham finally posted up scans of these alleged Lotto lines – for one week only (a grand total of 25 lines). This is the only proof Oldham has ever provided that any of these promised services are delivered.
Priority support including direct line with the KOPTALK editor
KopTalk’s tendency to only answer queries which Oldham deems acceptable is infamous, as was perfectly summed up by a member last week:
Re: Koptalk renewal [Re: Dunk]
5europeancups Loc: belgium
Its funny, that when a topic is raised about how to renew subscription Dunk takes personal charge, but all other issues you have to raise a support ticket!!
FREE P.A. cover for whenever you’re away from the office or home
Despite many pleas from the blog last year for KT members who had benefited from this service to come forward, we’re still yet to hear from anyone.
Match Previews & Match Reports
As available free of charge on every other LFC site.
Help with match-day tickets through interaction with other members
As available free of charge on every other LFC site – without the owner touting tickets for vastly inflated prices.
25% discount off all KOPTALK merchandise when advertised
Has Oldham honestly sold a single article of this crap, at any price?
Every major Rick Parry, Rafael Benitez, Tom Hicks, George Gillett quotes
As reported informally on every other free LFC site.
*Links to first team goals usually within a few minutes of full-time (3rd party)
As available on pretty much every other LFC site and to anyone visiting YouTube, Daily Motion et al. We also recommend http://www.soccerpulse.com for goals and highlights while the game is still in progress.
We think Oldham is underselling his shoddy site. The current sign-up page just doesn’t do justice to the full range of services KopTalk offers. Here are a few additions he should make to his list:
Adverts for and stories taken from The S*n
One of the few exclusive services KopTalk actually offers
Being told what to do by a 14-year-old Leeds United fan
This summer’s star signing, SeaDog
A chance to witness RichT’s excruciating attempts to banter with Katie in real time
Videos of a morbidly obese halfwit talking tedious bollocks
Guillem Balague forum
Total posts so far – none
Target Tracker forum
Total posts so far – none
Scouting Reports forum
Total posts so far – none
Draconian censorship, with threads regularly being locked and deleted, often for no discernible reason
Any thread which looks like it may lead to Oldham being asked uncomfortable questions will be made to disappear – often along with the member(s) responsible
Ongoing competition to see who can come up with the most painfully unfunny references to pies in any 24-hour period