KopTalk's Imaginary Sources Whisper To Dunk Again

KopTalk has been extraordinarily quiet of late, as has Dunk himself. It is worth remembering, though, that Oldham thrives on negativity and confusion. He has a long history of that, as readers will be well aware.

Just taking this year, he capitalised on the uncertainty over investment, for instance; then, when doubts began to be raised about the intentions of GG and TH after the takeover, he exploited that to the full. Also, his only recent controversies were both negative, S*n-inspired stories about Warnock’s rants and Crouch’s supposed discontent. So, while everything in the LFC garden is rosy, Oldham hasn’t got much to say.

Sometimes, however, people are at their funniest when they don’t mean to be. I’ve been watching a TV series lately that features a Tory MP, Ann Widdecombe, who gives us the ‘benefit’ of her views on various issues, one of which was prostitution. Among other things, she had beer thrown on her, and any valid points she may have had to make were lost in unintentionally hilarious posturing and moralising. I haven’t laughed as much in weeks.

It all reminded me somewhat of KopTalk. Dunk’s attempts at humour, usually in his podgecasts, are tedious and cringeworthy. We don’t mind, though, because we’re confident that far more members are repelled by his crudeness than are tempted in. Indeed, the feedback we’ve received in the past on both the blog and privately has indicated that he’s lost members that way.

In truth, Dunk is only amusing when he’s trying to be serious, like when he pretends to be ‘in the know’ about what’s going on at our football club. Duncan Oldham has no sources inside Anfield. Despite his previous claims, he has no gatemen on his payroll; no-one at Melwood tells him what’s going on. He used to claim that he socialised with players and had ‘forged links within the Anfield squad’. We have screenshots of these lies and they can be seen here. The sad thing is that many once believed him; the positive is that very few now do. He’s a laughing stock among the LFC online community.

This all brings me to his latest ‘news’. We all know that Gabriel Heinze lost his adjudication hearing, so he won’t be moving from Manchester United to Liverpool. It’s quite likely that Rafael Benitez had a secondary target lined up, in case of this eventuality. I don’t need ‘insider’ sources for that. My common sense sufficed. Dunk’s used the opportunity to make up some more bull (apologies if, in fact, it is true and Dunk’s just lifted it from another site).

#17497 – Yesterday at 05:19 PM Liverpool confirm double signing
KopTalk Team KopTalk Team Administrator Offline
KopTalk VIP

Registered: 05/08/06
Posts: 559
Liverpool Football Club have confirmed the double signings of Mikel San Jose and Peter Gulacsi.

San Jose (18) is a Spanish centre-back who comes in from Athletic Bilbao on a 3-year deal.

Hungarian goalkeeper Gulacsi (17) is a product of the Sandor Karoly Academy, an associate organisation of Liverpool’s feeder club MTK Hungaria.

Both players were signed a while ago but the club have made the official announcement today.

Meanwhile KopTalk understands that Liverpool chief executive Rick Parry will be on the move later this week working on securing another first team player for Rafa’s squad.

The identity of the player is unknown to us at this time but with problems surrounding the Heinze transfer, it is surely common sense to assume that the boss will be looking at other options, even though the Reds have not given up on the Manchester United defender.

KopTalk sources claim Parry is scheduled to hold talks with an agent in Manchester. Manager Rafael Benitez will not be present.

So, Dunk has a source that knows where Parry’s going and why, but not who the player is. Of course. I’m sure that someone with that kind of confidential information would be straight on the phone to a fat spiv in Wallsend/Wetherby/Alicante for him to impart it to members gullible enough to pay £30 a pop. Dunk, you have a special form of delusion that I’m not sure doctors have yet diagnosed. I suggest you seek out help.

10 Responses to “KopTalk's Imaginary Sources Whisper To Dunk Again”

  1. bazza76 Says:

    Bog standard stuff from Dunk isnt it.
    You can predict what he is going to say really.
    As soon as a big deal falls though, Dunk will say, Parry has a meeting with an agent, not that it takes a rocket scientist to figure that Parry is meeting with agents all the time.
    I am just suprised that there are still folk who believe this crap and are willing to pay for it.

  2. chapeau du soleil Says:

    Dammit, I was hoping his exclusive would at least contain the phrase “sniffing around”.

  3. Andy Says:

    Some more good, old-fashioned KT bullshit from this morning:

    Aug 23rd 01:11 PM Impressed
    Koptalk readers always pick targets when they are a reasnoble price but when the club finnally notices them their price has sky rocketed. Im not trying be funny here, there are some very good potential scouts on koptalk, surly the club have a subscription

    Aug 24th 09:27 AM Re: Impressed
    Dunk Site Editor
    The club often follow up unknown names (young players) that are put forward by fans.

  4. chapeau du soleil Says:

    hahahaha you couldn’t make it up could you.
    Well you know what I mean!

  5. Carras_boot Says:

    Just recieved this from fatman at shittalk via youtube. Very odd that he replied to me in the first place so i suggest people bombard him with hate mail via his youtube account. Anyway, thhis is what i said and what his reply and my reply back to him.

    ME – When will you stop conning people you fat loser

    KOPTALK.COn – Awwww bless. Bet you still believe in the tooth fairies and Father Christmas too. Loser eh? Am I the one browsing and wasting my time sending little schoolboy messages to people? Grow up.

    ME – Shut your pie hole fatboy. You are a big fat waste of air. You are that much of a shithouse you NEVER go to Anfield because you know what will happen to you.
    You have the cheek to call me a schoolboy yet you make constant schoolboy claims about “knowing players” “knowing the chief exec” “knowing the suits” “knowing the owners”, so YOU grow up.
    And we all know how much you like schoolboys as you have befriended one for the past 8 years and claim he is “Your Brother”. So before you start slinging mud, take a long hard look in the mirror and take a good look at your fat face. MUPPET.

  6. bazza76 Says:

    Well said Carras Boot.
    Couldn’t have put it better myself.
    Then again, I would end up typin all day trying to list off what I think about him.

  7. RedinSweden Says:

    He looks porkier than ever on that clip. Is he trying to get so big that he can declare independence and live as an island?

  8. deiseach Says:

    I was going to post the address of this blog on the comments for that video but I don’t want to get into a slagging match with the fat dope.

    So what’s his advice for getting a free offical t-shirt? Sign up for a credit card as Del Johnson?

  9. tubby Says:

    the comments are moderated by the dope

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: