Oldham plans KopTalk's future – keep paying me for stuff you can get for free elsewhere

As expected, Duncan Oldham has provided no evidence that he was at Anfield yesterday. He found time last week to post a deeply peculiar video of his sidekick Steve in the shower, but clearly feels that proving he attends LFC matches is far less important.

Chelsea match bullshit

Worse still for Oldham, not one of KopTalk’s members has asked him about the game. It’s a repeat of the scene on Oldham’s “return” from Athens – even his most gullible members know he’s lying and they’re too embarrassed to even touch on the subject.

From his latest rambles on KopTalk, it would appear Oldham has given up on the 2007/08 season already. We aren’t sure whether this is cider-induced fantasy in the mould of Oldham’s bullshit about buying Chris Waddle’s Melwood property or opening a KopTalk hotel in Liverpool city centre

Melwood & Liverpool hotel bullshit

or if he’s so short of ideas that he’s been reduced to offering people features they either don’t want or can get for free elsewhere.

August 20th
04:18 PM Exciting Site News
Dunk Administrator Site Editor

I had a meeting in London today with the project manager who is responsible for overseeing the design of the new KopTalk website. The new site will be packed with loads of free content for non members but our members will be over the moon when they see what we have planned for them.

The new site was planned for the start of the 07-08 season but as you know, KopTalk time is very unpredictable. I’m not sure if the new site will be ready for January 1st or whether we will have to wait until the end of the season, much depends on the progress of the project.

So whether or not the project will be ready will depend on “the progress of the project”. Who would have thought it?

It is planned that members will arrive at the KopTalk main page and then log in as normal. They will then be greeted with a personalised / customised home page. For example, when you log in you’ll be greeted with a ‘Hello Your Name’ message. Scattered around your customised page would be your free KopTalk email account which would tell you how many emails you have. From there you will be able to send and receive your emails and create your own LFC blog using free webspace assigned to your account.

Would any sane person pay £30 for these pointless features? And given Oldham’s history of hacking into his members’ accounts, would you trust him enough to allow him to host your email account?

Around your customised page will be details of Liverpool’s next game, the next televised game and a brief summary of what players are injured and when they are due back. There will also be a latest LFC transfer news tracker / ticker which will provide you with live updates while reading your mail etc.

All of this information is of course widely available free of charge across the net.

If KopTalk Radio is broadcasting there will be a flashing ‘on air’ icon enabling you to tune in if you wish. You will be able to check when your membership renewal date is and you will be able to update your membership details with ease.

Now even we’re sold. Not only will we know when two halfwits are talking uninspired gibberish live on the web, but we’ll also be able to check when we’re due to give a fat conman another £30 for a service we can get for free on countless other sites.

With with just one click you will be able to access today’s Liverpool FC news articles or browse the discussion forums which will be custom made, compact and tidy. If there’s a match on you’ll be able to enter the live chat room and chat with other members in real time.

In other words, it will be just like any other LFC fan site – except you’ll have to pay £30 for it.

From your customised page you will be able to contact support without having to visit another support site. You’ll also be able to page KopTalk staff for a live online chat if you need assistance. KopTalk staff will be online 24/7 to moderate the forums and to help provide you with support.

Will this finally mean that all member enquiries will be answered swiftly and honestly? Or will KopTalk’s infamous “support” service carry on as usual – only responding to the questions which it deems acceptable.

Non members will be able to read various LFC news items in brief along with editorials and columns. They will also be able to participate in their own discussion forums although they will have to be supported by advertising.

Until last year, Oldham’s main sources of new victims were NewsNow and the free KT site. Losing both has hit him hard and KT has become quieter by the month. Things are so bad that he’s now toying with the idea of relaunching KT’s free forums. He closed them last year because they were impossible to police effectively and has said that every post on the new forums will have to be approved by a moderator before it is allowed to appear. But the free forums will only drum up new business if they are busy – so is he prepared to spend all his time scouring posts for criticism or mentions of this blog?

Thanks to your continued support we will be investing a five-figure sum into the new KopTalk site.

That has to be one of Oldham’s silliest lies ever, which is saying something.

Admittedly it’s going to be costly and although we don’t need to do it, we feel our members deserve the very best for their loyal support. I will do everything I can to provide you a fun and informative platform to follow Liverpool FC without the annoyance of rival fans and internet trolls who want to spoil your time online. The membership fee certainly helps deter such loons as we’re continually told by members who use a wide variety of Liverpool FC websites.

Oldham’s efforts to provide a “fun platform” will undoubtedly continue to include threads being locked and deleted all the time, along with the most draconian censorship we’ve ever seen on a football site.

KopTalk will continue to be run as a fans’ site and we will continue to be 100% independent. That gives us a certain freedom that some alternatives don’t have because once you start toeing-the-line in return for minor favours, it isn’t long before you’ve been hooked. Our style can be controversial at times but this is deliberate to create awareness, debate and promotion.

This is Oldham’s customary attempt to explain away the fact that he’s a pariah with the club and the wider LFC community.

Members often email me saying that they are “proud” to be a member of KopTalk. I hope that over the coming year I can return that loyalty with something even more special than what we already have.

Of course they do Oldham, of course they do.

We’re looking forward to 2008.

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15 Responses to “Oldham plans KopTalk's future – keep paying me for stuff you can get for free elsewhere”

  1. chrispy Says:

    A live online avenue to the staff at Koptalk eh? Maybe I should wait for this to get my £30 refund off Dunk as both he and all the staff are continuously ignoring all of my e-mails at the moment. It’s just more features he’ll get bored with and leave drop by the wayside yet again like he does with everything else.

    Dunk, if you read this reply by me your just showing how hard up you truly are by refusing to refund my membership fee. After stating on your site you’ll gladly refund anyone who isn’t happy then why don’t you stick to your word and give me back my £30 coz I certainly am not happy with Koptalk?

  2. lloyd27 Says:

    Just spotted another of Oldham’s white lies, from his youtube channel page –
    City: Liverpool
    Hometown: Liverpool

    ..now now Dunc we all know that you haven’t set foot in Liverpool since your visit to Melwood last year – unless of course you can prove otherwise.

  3. chrispy Says:

    Well, I guess Dunk has read the blog today as i’ve just been refunded £22 odd. It took long enough but fairs fair i’ve had my money back.

  4. 1892 Insider Says:

    Chrispy,

    It seems as if the blog is the best ‘live online avenue’ to Oldham that his customers can get!

  5. cadmium Says:

    “Thanks to your continued support we will be investing a five-figure sum into the new KopTalk site.”

    Yep that’ll be £100.00 precisely

  6. Rash's #1 fan Says:

    Oldham’s site isn’t produced (ie html’d) in the UK, he posts for foreign freelancers. It sounds like he’s just going to merge his forum with a CMS.

  7. 1892 Insider Says:

    Sorry, Rash’s #1 fan, but you’ve lost me a bit there. Care to explain what you mean?

  8. Koptalksucks.com Says:

    @cadium: Or 10,000 Zimbabwe dollars

  9. Integral Says:

    This may (or more than likely may not!) provide a definition of CMS: http://preview.tinyurl.com/29zb68

  10. Ron Nasty Says:

    CMS is a content Management System. They are all the rage at the moment. The software (eg Joomla) is free and allows members to have their own blogs and things.

  11. 1892 Insider Says:

    Thanks, guys.

    The software (eg Joomla) is free and allows members to have their own blogs and things.

    I’m sure there’s one particular word in there that appeals to Oldham. So much for investing a five-figure sum, eh? As Outside Insider observed, he’s offering for payment what you can obtain elsewhere for free.

    Blogs? We have this for free and there are countless other alternatives. E-mail? Not from him, thanks; again, take your pick from many free providers. I personally like gmail, because it provides POP access for free as well. Many sites have a front page with our previous and next games. News tickers are ten-a-penny.

    I find it hard to believe that his members are so cocooned within KopTalk that they don’t realise that they can have all this for free elsewhere without Dunk’s self-aggrandising claims that he’s doing it all for them and that it’s costing him the earth.

  12. Skamp Says:

    He’s fixing the search engines AGAIN!!!!

  13. Toby Says:

    It’ll be yen

  14. chrispy Says:

    You’re right there mate. I’ve been e-mailing him for two weeks or more to get a refund then I post here and within an hour or so I get my refund 🙂

    Anyone with problemsshould deffo post here first as they’re sure to get an answer from DunCON then lol.

  15. Integral Says:

    Coincidence? NOT.


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