KopTalk comes to a standstill because Duncan Oldham is obsessed with this blog

Duncan Oldham clearly cares more about this blog than his own paying members. There is no other possible explanation for the aggravation his current server move is causing them. 

All his members are being moved manually to the new KT site, even though Oldham has admitted that he could carry out the process automatically. They all have to re-register their personal details before they are allowed to move servers.

Oldham still hasn’t given his members a proper explanation as to why they are having to do any of this.

One obvious motive is that he wants to save money on server costs. This isn’t the only cost-cutting exercise we’ve seen on KT lately. Members were told a couple of weeks ago to open a support ticket if they wanted to receive SMS alerts. These alerts aren’t supposed to be an opt-in service. But money is obviously tight for Oldham and he doesn’t want to waste precious pennies giving people the service they paid him for unless he has to.

But wanting to save money does not explain why he isn’t transferring his members’ profiles automatically.

Oldham also wants to update his chaotic records, to wring a few more quid out of members who may be paying less than they should or whose subs have already expired. But again, he and his minions could do this at any time. The question of what server KT is hosted on is completely irrelevant.

He also hasn’t explained why he now needs so much personal information from his paying members when they re-register. Or why he couldn’t host his proposed new free forums on the www dot koptalk dot uk site which he’s needlessly moving his paying members over to.

What little Oldham has had to say about the server move and the new domain does not bear up to close scrutiny:

“It will not look any different but it should provide you with a better online experience.”

And how precisely will the new site be an improvement? Nobody knows, because Oldham didn’t even try to explain. That sentence was all he had to say on the matter.

“Before we move you into the new site we will make sure your offline profile is up to date. If your profile with us is not up to date you will almost certainly experience a delay and a possible lock-out because we have thousands of members to move across.”

That statement simply doesn’t make any sense. Oldham can’t possibly know whether his members’ profiles are up to date until they tell him otherwise. Unless he somehow knows whether his members have changed address or telephone number since they registered. In which case he can update the records himself.

“This procedure can be done automatically but we want to try and avoid errors that such a mass export an import of data can cause.”

The only errors caused by automatically transferring the data are likely to be those those contained in the original records. Instead of inconveniencing everyone with manual updates, his members could easily have corrected any errors themselves after an automatic transfer. Why would members care more about “d) The email address you used if you joined via PayPal, Clickbank etc” or “j) How you would like to be addressed by us e.g. First name, nickname, Mr …. Miss …. Mrs …. etc.” than being able to access the website they’ve paid good money for? One KT member was thinking the same thing:

FAO DUNK: Do you want a hand?
Bubonic  July 26th 04:11 PM
Hi Dunk,
If you want to move account en-masse I could give you hand with some SQL if that would help?
I sent you an email a while back as well about servers but it probably didn’t get past your spam elves.

Oldham predictably decided to ignore this offer of assistance.

“None of the information submitted is used for any form of marketing either by ourselves or any 3rd party. The information submitted is used purely for account security and to administer your membership.”

Nobody from the blog has ever hacked into an account to access KT, if such a thing is possible. Oldham himself has stooped to such tactics on a couple of occasions, but we don’t need to. We’ve accessed the site through the many accounts KT members have donated to the blog. So what on earth does he mean by “account security”? If KT members want to help the blog, how will knowing their date of birth or post code stop them? How will that prevent them from emailing us screenshots and copies of threads?

So why has Oldham decided to bring his already shoddy site to a virtual standstill? Because he’s trying to get rid of us. While the blog still functions, far fewer people join KT and more and more existing members leave. Just as damaging to Oldham is the fact that the blog’s attention means he can no longer carry out any additional large-scale scams along the lines of the Lauren appeal, the sale of fake signed merchandise, the shares scam and so on. He’s even having to now give out refunds for his non-existent book and respond honestly when questioned about PayPal double dipping, because he knows we’ll report him to Trading Standards and PayPal again if he doesn’t.

He used the same tactics to try to weed us out last year when the blog first took off. Then, as now, the only thing he succeeded in doing was to alienate many of his members.

Oldham has made a complete pig’s ear of the move, of course. That familiar mixture of laziness and stupidity has led to many of his members feeling confused, irritated or angry. This is a small selection of their reactions:

Re: Last one left….
Pob
i sent in a ticket but dunno whats going on!

Kobi
Me too. I sent a ticket but i have only had a response saying they are dealing with it. I did it early on in the week.

pezzzer
katie and steve have hung up on me. i know i smell a bit but well really!!!

GREENHEY
Im really confused. I did the ticket thing about 3 days ago and I don’t know if I’m supposed to do something now, if the new site has a different address, etc. Why am I being left behind?

kopdawg
Still here too, tried to call 4 times and keep getting hung up on, ah well this is becoming like an episode of Lost!

est1892
I’m still here. Submitted ticket a few days ago still no invite in yet.

ThornburyRed
I’m still here too, tried the tel no with no joy so thought I’d just stay with the “dark side”
 
FT9
so do we get an e-mail or something when we have been moved?

Attention KopTalk HQ
fabio
Dunk, Ste, Katie….. anyone…..! Please answer the [phone smiley]

Dunk
Try again. I’ll post a number up for Steve also.

fabio
Just have. Still no one answering. 

yorkiered
yea me too have been trying but “there is no reply”

penguin_will
Sorry Dunk, I appreciate the problems associated with this change but this is NOT GOOD. I have been on the phone today…………………no joy. I have e mailed………..yes, response to hang on and it will all be sorted. BUT……sadly Dunk this is not what I want….

As ever when the shit is hitting the fan because of his paranoia, deceitfulness and ineptitude, Oldham is pretending that it isn’t his repsonsibility. This is typical of Oldham. He used to hide behind his wife before she left him. When his illegal KT shares scam was rumbled, all refund enquiries were directed towards her. This time around, Oldham expects Steve and Katie to take the flak. He has also mentioned “Emma” on a couple of occasions, although we can’t remember if she actually exists or not.

Members’ complaints seem to have dropped into the same Bermuda Triangle as DavidL’s prize. Oldham hasn’t answered the phone once. Steve and Katie have hung up on infuriated members but not Oldham. He’s tried to make out that he’s working tirelessly to move his members over to the new site, but he’s still somehow found time to post bollocks as lame as this:

Phonetic alphabet of Liverpool players
Dunk  July 26th 04:22 PM
I’ve just drawn up a phonetic alphabet based around Liverpool FC players e.g. A = Aldridge, B = Barnes and so on.
What A to Z would you select?

After several days of complaints and confusion, Oldham finally decided that it was time for him to act. This was the insult he then threw at his members:

Dunk  July 26th 07:59 PM
I’ve actually been dragged in to help. I’ve just moved 2 members over

What does mean by “dragged in to help”? It’s his website, his dumb idea to move server, and the subscription fees his members pay go to him alone.

The server move was supposed to have been completed by July 31st. Oldham is now saying it should be done by August 6th. When he has eventually finished pissing off his members for no good reason, we’ll be waiting to see if he honours his promise to finally allow them to know how many users are online on the new site. We hope he remembers this exchange from July 7th:

chrispy
What about one of them mods at the bottom to show who’s been online today and how many? I used to have this on a forum I run years ago and it helped a lot of members to know who’s on or been on in the last few hours.

Dunk
The thing is, as it´s a busy site it can cause the forums to slow down a bit. I do like those things myself though and it´s something I will look at when we move to the new server later this month

It won’t happen unless he’s found a way of artificially inflating the figures, obviously.

KT’s implosion has occurred at the time of the biggest LFC story of the decade. Just to recap, this was the sum total of Dunk and Steve’s comments on the stadium announcement:

– putting the stadium images up (three posts)
– one smiley
– one lame gag that isn’t worth explaining

and these two posts:

#251765 – 23/07/07 06:13 AM 
Re: 3 days…. [Re: womble]
ST3 ST3 KopTalk.com
I cant wait to see these plans. It will be interesting to see what/how many changes he has made since we saw them.

#252422 – 23/07/07 09:48 PM 
Re: New Stadium Page On Offical Site [Re: est1892]
Dunk Dunk KopTalk.com
Looking forward to it

But was Oldham saving his inside info on the stadium for his kopfootball dot com site? No – that still consists of nothing but a shoddy holding page. Anybody visiting the site was greeted with this message:

“When we can be arsed we will more than likely get something up here for reference purposes”

Evidently Oldham didn’t feel this week’s announcements were worthy of attention. He had more important things to focus on, such as drawing up a phonetic alphabet based around Liverpool FC players

Even worse for him, only one of his members has asked Oldham about the plans he has spent the summer pretending he saw in Dallas. It’s a repeat of the scene on Oldham’s “return” from Athens – they knew then that he hadn’t really been to the CL final and they know now that Hicks didn’t really show him the stadium plans. The result is the same – his members know he’s lying and they’re too embarrassed to bring the subject up.

But instead of believing Oldham’s bullshit, his members are beginning to ask him questions like this:

July 29th
Re: I feel like im back at school [Re: Keefe] 
bowden
I’m not a techie, so I cant answer the question, but why hasnt this all happened overnight in one  seamless transaction?
I’ve seen enough system upgrades in my life to know that in most cases a test environment is set  up prior to a major move/upgrade. Even if data is on the same server as the live environment and  the data is then moved onto the new environment over a matter of hours.
This piecemeal approach cant be a good way of doing this for hundreds/thousands of members. Who  cares if some members details are screwed up. they can be fixed after the move, rather than have  this bizarre way of upgrading

Easystrider71
Not wishing to stir the pot but I have to agree. People have phoned up wanting to speed their  transfer over as instructed, I left a message and then read an updated instruction from Dunk not  to leave messages as they won’t be listened to. It all seems a bit amateurish to me and not great  customer service for the koptalkers that keep this site going. It would have been nice if those  members who log on the most often were transfered first (to ease frustration) if they were going  to take this approach.
I appreciate a business decision needed to be taken to my mind if it was going to take this long,  then it’s too long.

SenorButch
this is boring now, what the hell is going on? surly members that are logged on and posting  should take some sort of priority 

RichTann
from a (bit of a) techie point of view, i would have thought user account would have been in a  database seperate from the front end (i,e koptalk.com or .uk) Even if the datadbase needed moving  in theory it could be done by simply copying it acroos all in one go…. but then i’m not much of  a techie so i’ll refrain from criticising and wait quietly in line…
 

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27 Responses to “KopTalk comes to a standstill because Duncan Oldham is obsessed with this blog”

  1. felix Says:

    Great summary of the chaos at kt.

    Their records must be in a total mess as my membership lapsed months ago but I’ve stilll been able to acess the site.

    Luckily I had cancelled the automatic payment thanks to seeing the blog. Was sent an email that I thought would be asking for payment but instead they asked for a mobile phone number.

    Gave them the number of my old phone that I no longer use and they seemed happy with that.

    It would be a relief if they don’t move me over so I can finally cut my ties with kt. It saddens me when I see new members that have been suckered in. It it also impossible to say anything to warn people as every single post is read by them no matter what time of day you post.

    Good to see the blog back on track after your recent difficulties.

  2. Koptalk Outsider Says:

    Dunk is virtually killing his site with this move. It’s dead on both sites. And it doesn’t even look like his members want to move. With thuosands of members you wouldthink that the telephone would be red-hot, but it’s quiet.

    #255878 – 29/07/07 03:43 PM Re: I feel like im back at school [Re: gunn0r]
    Dunk Dunk
    KopTalk.com

    Registered: 20/08/04
    Posts: 22054

    Originally Posted By: gunn0r
    Is it done on postcount? I see most of the people with a high count have been expedited.

    No. But I forced a couple of prolific posters out otherwise there would be no posts on the new site.

    Call up. Nobody has phoned for hours.

  3. Koptalk Outsider Says:

    Or how about this:

    #255875 – Yesterday at 03:18 PM SUNDAY: Call us, the phones are quiet!
    Dunk Dunk
    KopTalk.com

    Registered: 20/08/04
    Posts: 22060

    Offline
    Steve is available on Tel: +44 (0) 151 324 1615 on Sunday until midnight’ish UK time. Katie can also be contacted on +44 (0) 151 324 1617.

    If you want to be moved over to the new site now, you can try calling them.

    If you do call them and you do get moved over, please tell them if you have a support ticket already open so that it can be closed. You can also reply to that support ticket requesting its closure.

    If the phone continually rings they will be in another call. Please do not leave voicemail as it will not be checked.

    If you are not in a rush to be moved over, please do not open a ticket as there are hundreds already waiting to be answered. You are not missing anything if you have not been moved yet.

    Thanks.

    So, why do you want the calls if there’s hundreds of support tickets waiting? One thing is true though. They won’t miss anything because it’s dead at both sites.

  4. Koptalk Outsider Says:

    More fun. This member hasn’t been transfered almost a week after filing a support ticket:

    #256114 – Today at 07:29 AM Still not transferred
    Mars0634 Mars0634
    KopTalk Member

    Registered: 10/03/06
    Posts: 390
    Loc: Liverpool

    Completed my support ticket last Tuesday/Wed and still no
    e-mail to transfer me over to the new site, is there a delay due to the amount of members we have or perhaps I simply been missed of the list?

    Well, it can’t be due to the amount of members. They’ve only managed to move 390 members so far. Even if they’ve only slept 4 hours a night according to Dunk:

    Please be patient, we’ve had four hours kip each night since the move. We haven’t closed this side down so that you don’t miss any updates etc.

    So with about 10% of the members moved the site is dead. 90% ofthe members are still on the .coN site, but there’s nothing happening besides a few members moaning about not being moved.

  5. songtothesiren Says:

    “Evidently Oldham didn’t feel this week’s announcements were worthy of attention. He had more important things to focus on, such as drawing up a phonetic alphabet based around Liverpool FC players”

    Great line outsiderinsider – excellent job!

  6. Yorkie Says:

    Best line of all was the last one from a sap…

    “so i’ll refrain from criticising and wait quietly in line…”

    Yeah they’ve been doing that for years like the saps they are

  7. BKTD Says:

    To quote dunk:
    —————————————————————————-
    You have joined the site during a site move. Basically our site is normally hosted at:

    http://www.koptalk.coN/members

    but on 24th July 2007 we moved here, to:

    http://www.koptalk.coN.uk/members

    As a result we have thousands of members still on the old site which means it’s quiet here because of that.

    We are moving every member in here manually so it’s going to take at least a week to move everyone in.

    The old site will be closed on 31st July so you will see this place explode from around then
    —————————————————————————-

    The last sentance makes me laugh, the only thing his site is going to do is implode.

  8. ROCK Says:

    have to laugh at the responses from the people left behind,reminds me of the liverpool ticket office.
    he’s whittling away at his numbers slowly but surely.
    wont be long until its just him and richt left.

  9. chrispy Says:

    With regards the members online at the bottom of forum main pages etc you can add a hack for that which will show many hundreds of users online. I caught out a forum owner with that one a few years back when he said he had hundreds of users logged on at any one time and when I posted a message saying about the hack I was banned immediately 🙂

    Anyway, I just tried to log onto the current koptalk forum (not new one) and it’s asking me some bullshit about a memorable name? WTF is that? I’ve paid my membership and expect to be reinstated now or i’ll take a refund.

  10. BKTD Says:

    Chrispy, is that hack something you can append to the end of the web adress? If it is I would be interested in that, can you mail it to me at bktd dot insider at googlemail dot com

  11. tubby Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk:

    A : asswipe

  12. chrispy Says:

    No mate, it’s a script you add to the forum and it will show as many users online as you want (or as little). I’ve been out of the forum game for quite sometime now so have no idea how far things have progressed.

  13. Integral Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A : asswipe
    B: Bellend

  14. Koptalk Outsider Says:

    Your wishes have been granted, chrispy. Smart move to post the request her, where we know Dunk will be reading it. Better than opening a support ticket. 😉

  15. Koptalk Outsider Says:

    If you see the telephone numbers I posted above it looks like they’re somewhere in UK. But these are SkypeIn numbers that can be used anywhere in the world. Thought you were smart there Dunk? How about a picture of the two helpers in front of Anfield with todays papers? They’re in Liverpool right? Because that’s what you pretend in this answer to Dave100:


    #256294 – Today at 06:50 PM Re: Dunk, is the number to ring to change over….. [Re: Dave100]
    Dunk Dunk
    KopTalk.com

    Registered: 20/08/04
    Posts: 22074

    Originally Posted By: Dave100
    ……..a freephone number or one of those 0845 number charges?
    Just curious as my BT is down.

    It’s a standard 01* number so you will pay local rate if you live in Liverpool or national rate if you live somewhere else around the country. Normal BT landline rates apply. Alternatively you can Skype Steve or Katie for free. See http://www.kopta1k.info – they can also call you back

  16. BKTD Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A : asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb

  17. tubby Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement

  18. Todda Says:

    Stupid fat prick hope his site would hurry up and die.

  19. sh#t waffle Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester

  20. Aaandy Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck

  21. sospanred Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck
    H: Huge thieving shithouse

  22. Aaandy Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck
    H: Huge thieving shithouse
    I: Imbecile

  23. Yosamite Says:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck
    H: Huge thieving shithouse
    I: Imbecile
    J: Jobbie

  24. Yosamite Says:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck
    H: Huge thieving shithouse
    I: Imbecile
    J: Jobbie
    K: Kunt

  25. Aaandy Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck
    H: Huge thieving shithouse
    I: Imbecile
    J: Jobbie
    K: Kunt
    J: Jabba

  26. Aaandy Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck
    H: Huge thieving shithouse
    I: Imbecile
    J: Jobbie
    K: Kunt
    L: Lardarse

  27. tubby Says:

    An A to Z of adjectives for Dunk, continued:

    A: Asswipe
    B: Bellend
    C: Cunt
    D: Dumb
    E: Excrement
    F: Fridge Molester
    G: Great big fat fuck
    H: Huge thieving shithouse
    I: Imbecile
    J: Jobbie
    K: Kunt
    L: Lardarse
    M: Muppet


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