Goodbye to the Secret Koptalk HQ

by Rupert Insider


KopTalk HQ shed: 8.43m (27′8″) x 3.33m (10´11″)

Duncan Oldham has been lying about the location of the KopTalk office ever since it was built early in 2006. Let’s try to untangle his web of deceit.

Interactive Satellite Photos of the KopTalk Kult UK Properties

Oldham gives 5 Swan Avenue as his address for legal documents. He said the KT HQ was built in his back garden.

I was not convinced that we had been looking at No. 5 on the satellite shots. I mentioned my doubts on the blog some time ago and asked someone to make a physical check but nobody did.

Someone had identified the shed-like structure in the satellite photos attached to No. 6 and mistakenly assumed it was attached to No. 5.

Take a look at No. 1 St. Oswald Road – a couple of blocks north on the map, as I did. It has a long “workshop” in the back garden. The vendor has accepted an offer and I am told the vendor is from the same family who are selling No.1 and No. 5 Swan Avenue.

All the Wallsend properties of the KopTalk Kult are up for sale. Offers have been accepted but contracts have not yet been exchanged. Assuming all goes well it will be done within a week or two.

Oldham needs the cash in order to move into his bolt-hole far away from the UK. As recently as today he was still pretending that the new HQ of the Koptalk Kult will be in Malta.

Sorry Oldham your secret bunker is no secret anymore.

To find the current KT HQ go to HERE



But first, let’s look at No 5 Swan Avenue, his official residence. To see his FOR SALE notice go HERE .


Oldham paid £29,950 for it on 15th March 2002 and has accepted an offer close to his asking price of £119, 950. He has to pay off the Halifax mortgage, agents fees and presumably come to some settlement with his estranged wife because it was registered in her name.


Here’s the back garden minus the KT HQ.




Recognize the backdrop to the Pie Man video?






Another riddle. Are those the Pie Eater’s teddy bears in the bedroom? Hmmmm.


He is not moving into his Ma’s house at No. 1 Swan Avenue because that is under offer, too. On the satellite photos its the one on the corner with the circular swimming pool. If you want to see his Ma’s house with all the photos go HERE. This is the For Sale sign:


I show her office first because it is from there that a lot of KopTalk business was conducted not to mention the illegal, and unaccounted Lauren Forsyth appeal. Both Duncan Oldham and his mother used this office.

Oldham once boasted that he had paid off his mother’s mortgage with cash. Her house was bought on 2nd October 2002 for £44,500 and he/she has accepted an offer close to the asking price of £124,000





So where is KT HQ?

1 St Oswald’s Road, Wallsend, Tyne And Wear, NE28 7HJ

Semi-Detached, Freehold – Built 07-Oct-2005

The FOR SALE notice:


He bought it in October 2005. He paid £93,000 for it.

He has accepted an offer for it close to his asking price of £104,000

When you consider he built the office extension in 2006, £11,000 higher asking price seems very little appreciation and makes one wonder why he is in hurry to sell it?

Whose the guy in the photo?


KopTalk HQ – 8.43m (27’8″) x 3.33m (10´11″)

Did you count how many KT computers were on view in the Koptalk Kult properties? They represent a large percentage of the UK hits on ALEXA stats and do not include Katrina’s (Katie’s).

UK as a percentage of total KT traffic has dropped from 34% to 18% in this last week. Spain will be making up the missing 16% soon and then some.

(I counted seven)


64 Responses to “Goodbye to the Secret Koptalk HQ”

  1. Steve O Says:

    Nice touch, his mums full length mirrors wall, presumably so she can watch herself geting roasted by whatever blokes she picks up at the local.

  2. vincent (melbourne) Says:

    i feel like it’s fever pitch at the moment!! i keep logging in every ten minutes just to see what has happened. i fear that if i don’t, i’ll log on one time and it will be all over and the site will come up with an error 404 message you’ll all be happy and down the pub celebrating with no need for the site anymore!!. will you promise us that when the fat girl goes that you will keep the site going with a history of the whole sordid mess.
    Ps. i’m not very good at working out riddles

  3. lfc_michael Says:

    Rupert, I think your e-mail account may be full. I just had a message telling me that delivery of one I sent to you last night has been delayed.

  4. Dr Proctor Says:

    Hmmm, he’s been saying all week he’s going to a match on Sunday and now al of a sudden his tickets have gone awol. Yet more lies.

  5. rupertinsider Says:


    Thanks – I’ve posted the amended version

    I tried to do what you do but the url kept returning to my own personal google map page. I wasn’t sure if others would be seeing that page if I posted the url.

  6. Tubby Says:


    To share the map, reload the page using the “Link to this page” feature. Others will see their version of the map.

  7. rupertinsider Says:

    After this post appeared the service to the Real Estate links became “unavailable” However, they are working again now.

  8. Is it Safe? Says:

    Hi R.I. & I.I.

    Long time lurker, first time poster here. Love what you’re doing with the place. Like the riddles you’ve been leaving, I bet the blog readers are all looking for a Cushy answer to them aren’t they. Still, it will be good when Oldham has gone from LFC without a trace. Eeh, won’t that be a good day! I bet he thought he had the mother of all get-aways planned, until the blog thwarted him. BTW, is the internet dope-on-a-rope a Prince Charles look-a-like puppet having his strings pulled from across the Bay of Biscay? Also, Yorkshire Rose, is that animal or mineral??
    Keep up the good work. Have I won a coconut??

  9. rupertinsider Says:

    And there was I thinking I’d made the riddles too easy.

    So a couple of clarifyers.

    The refence to dope is not drugs.

    The reference to domain is not metaphorical – i.e. not an internet domain but the original meaning of the word.

    There is a person’s name in there – in fact two or three times – but I cannot confirm it even if you guess it – at least not for a short while. But go ahead and register your guess.

  10. Is it Safe? Says:

    So Rupert, coconut, goldfish or nothing??

  11. rupertinsider Says:

    Your answer is more confusing than the riddle.

    Keep trying! 😉

  12. Is it Safe? Says:

    It’s like a Wallsend Batman film! The Riddler vs The Joker, with a bat-eared sidekick who thinks he’s playing a leading role, but might be auditioning for a role in The Housesitter instead. I thought I was onto something with my ramblings Rupert, especially my bear collector character. Where does Katie @ kontalk hail from originally?

  13. Koptalk Outsider Says:

    Well, the KT HQ was sold for £105.000, and the house in 5 Swan Avenue for £118,500.
    The last one was sold for £124.950.

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