by Rupert Insider
Spivving 101 – by Duncan Oldham
1. I used my KopTalk site to urge LFC supporters to go to Athens in numbers without tickets to “soak up the atmosphere and get drunk”.
2. I got myself a big fat commission for giving them the telephone number of charter airline that they could have found for themselves online. That’s how “I sent hundreds to Athens” and made myself up to £50 a sucker!
3. I obtained a ticket for the final in the UK.
4. I sent the two teenage relatives who work for me to Athens to sell the ticket for a profit and told them I was giving them a treat in lieu of wages.
(Photo: Steve MacNeish (17) in Athens with the ticket he never had next day when he appeared on ITN aged 19. Photo by Katrina of KopTalk skat-box fame)
5. I told them to buy more tickets from the touts and sell them for profit. They could use the proceeds from the sale of the first ticket to add to the budget I gave them.
6. I directed my 17 yr old to approach the ITN team in Athens to promote my KopTalk site. He was to say he was an LFC supporter who had arrived without a ticket and was willing to pay £600 to see the game. To make it feasible that he had that kind of money and was working alone, I told him to say he was 19.
7. I told them to buy and sell tickets for as much as they could get from LFC suckers – aim for £1,000 but take anything over £600. Wear an LFC shirt to win their confidence. When they were sold out they could watch the game on outdoor TV in the square, make reports for my site, find some cheap lodging or sleep out all night, and bring home the bacon to me.
That’s the basics – its Introductory Spivving 101.
Now read on for my Master Class.
A Con ARTIST is higher than a a mere SPIV. I pride myself on being an artist. Here are some of the finer points:
9. I make the marks pay for access to my cons. I make them pay £30 a year and give them a deep discount of £4 when they renew to make them feel they are especially valued members of my inner group of suckers. I also make money from advertisers every time they log on to see how my cons are progressing and while they’re there I’ll shove the betting ads in their face – its more commissions for me every time they bite.
10. I tell them I am doing it as a personal favour or out of a desire to perform a public service. For example, see how I told them I would be touting tickets for them in Athens, even though none of them asked me to, and even though my dumb relatives wouldn’t recognize a KopTalk member if they tripped over one on the Parthenon.
11. When the suckers wrote in for the telephone number of the charter operator I took all their credit cards details. Of course, it wasn’t necessary, I just needed their name to get my commission, but you never know when credit card details might come in handy, if you know what I mean.
12. Its all about winning their confidence. A lot of the suckers feel better if you say you’re doing the same as them – so I let them think I was travelling on the same flight and would be with them in Athens where they could buy me a drink – even though I knew I would be elsewhere. You won’t catch me with a bunch of scouse hooligans. A lot of them have no sense of humour about some of my previous light-hearted scams.
13. And notice how I wriggled out of not being visible in Athens! That was a nice touch even though I say it myself. I told them I would be with the toffs, Mike Jeffries and ex-players like Steve McManaman making a video. I’ve found over the years, that the bigger the lie the more likely the suckers will believe you. But you’ve got to be nimble. Notice how I used Katie’s account to say that Mike and the boys telephoned me in Athens. But the dummy almost spoiled everything when she logged in without warning me and told a different story. She’s going to have to learn that because I let her gag paying members that doesn’t mean she can’t be gagged.
14. But the bit that really made me feel good was when I used her account again to comment on what I was seeing on Murdoch’s Sky TV about those disgusting drunk scousers trying to cause mayhem in Athens. As everyone knows I pride myself on my independence of mind when defending the Murdoch’s S*n’s report at Hillsborough. And I seize any chance I can get to show they were right when they said it was the scousers who were to blame – not my dad’s mates in the Yorkshire police force.
But it does make you wonder doesn’t it – why hundreds of of them would turn up in Athens without a ticket just to soak up the atmosphere and get drunk. Ha ha!
So that’s my Master Class. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
To sum up:
Pretend to be one of the suckers, but never lose your contempt for them.
Motto: “In this internet lark always look after No. 1 first”