Quo Vadis Fatty?

by Honorary Insider

fatmanandlittle-boy.jpg

As Koptalk Dies, What’s next for Duncan Oldham?

Further to my last post in which I asked who he would blame for the disaster that has befallen Koptalk, I’d like to assess some of Oldham’s options for the future.

As Rupert pointed out recently, the traffic to Oldham’s one-man site, run from a shed in Wallsend Tyne-and-Wear, has diminished to such an extent, that it can no longer provide an income to pay its costs, let alone keep the “unwaged” Dunk and his entourage in the manner to which they have become accustomed.

So what are his realistic options?

1. Charity Scams:

He could set up another charity scam. In the past, these have proved to be very effective in generating cash for his pocket. But he has so few members now that another charity Kon would not bring in enough money to make a real difference to his dire financial plight. Not to mention the risks of running afoul of the Charity Commissioners and the police as they continue their investigations into his previous practice of mixing business, personal and charity income in a single PayPal account while failing to keep records or provide accounts to the donors.

So another charity scam is not a feasible long-term option

2. Fake Memorabilia:

In the past his sale of fake LFC memorabilia has been lucrative, especially because of the higher prices he was able to squeeze out of generous LFC fans by claiming the sale was for one of his bogus charities. But the North Tyneside Trading Standards office has his commercial activities under careful watch now.

So the sale of fake memorabilia can effectively be ruled out, too


3. Transferring the LFC Scam to Other Clubs:

He has already tried to set up websites for supporters of his beloved Newcastle, as well as Tottenham Hotspur and Nottingham Forest. But he brought those developments to a halt whenFusion BB, who supply him with the software for Koptalk, found out that he was developing those other sites with pirated copies of their software for which he had not paid a licence.

He could, of course, try to set up a site similar to Koptalk for any team in the country, by legal means (yeah Right!) but this would take a much money – money he no longer has.

So that possibility is more or less scuppered, as well.

4.Lets Pretend to write a book:

But £5 deposits don’t amount to a hill of beans. In fact they become a financial burden after three years of collecting them when you haven’t written a word of it and Trading Standards is watching and waiting. You just have to pay the money back. So forget the book.

 

These first four ways of making easy money are those which Oldham has relied on in the past. But even as I write he is trying to branch out.

 

5.Lets Do Porn:

As detailed in a previous article by Rupert, Duncan has for many years harboured the idea of linking football to porn.

Now he is trying it on his new tatty site which links “footie” and “birds”. Those who know Oldham’s techniques will not be surprised that all the content on the new site is stolen.

But let’s cut to the chase. Does porn still make money on the Internet? I think not. During my ( ahem!) extensive research into this subject I found that many so called pay-sites ( where one pays a fee to access pornographic photos and videos) are no longer economically viable. Even the large multinational companies operating in porn are turning their attentions to other ways of making money.

The market for paid porn is drying up because of the vast amount of free stuff available on the net.

Of course Oldham may not ask membership fees for his porn site. He may be relying on the traffic and the advertising revenues it generates. But advertisers have rules and standards and some do not like being associated with smutty sites. In any case, Oldham would need vast amounts of traffic to generate even a pittance from advertising.

So what’s left for him to do? Well he could get off his fat backside and get a proper job, like everbody else.

By a “proper job” I mean one where he cons nobody, tells no lies, earns a decent days pay for an honest days work, pays income tax , national insurance contributions and any other relevant taxes and dues, does not claim any state or invalidity benefits to which he is not entitled and returns home every day in the knowledge that ( for possibly the first time in his life) he is doing an honest days work for an honest days pay.

Does this option sound like it would suit the Oldham you know? Nah!

So a crisis is looming for Oldham.

But a career decison may be made for him.

If he doesn’t stop the exploitation of LFC and its supporters, he may find himself being forcibly taught sewing skills. My understanding is that some of Her Majesty’s residential institutions, do a very nice designer-line in mail bags. And I’m sure the other prisoners won’t mind if he wants to dress as a woman while he works.

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4 Responses to “Quo Vadis Fatty?”

  1. scousenproud Says:

    Hows that song by The Doors go? This is the end

  2. The special one Says:

    what about the american commentator who made outragous remarks about liverpool fans being murderers. he then apologised and made a thousand dollar donation to the HJC. apparently the money was sent directly to kontalk.

  3. rupertinsider Says:

    I remember that. I wrote to him informing him that Koptalk not only did not represent LFC supporters but was an anti-LFC site that supported the S*n.

    I never heard anything more about it either on KT or from the guy.

    But it is an item to add to the list to be audited by the tax people.

  4. The special one Says:

    one of two things, he either pocketed the money himself with no donation to the hjc or he pocketed the money and wrote a cheque from himself and getting the personal tax deduction.


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