What Makes Koptalk Tick? A speculative psychological profile of a Konman.

by Honorary Insider

(Edit: This is a blog. It should be open to a bit of tongue-in-cheek or “experimental” writing.

It’s also a blog with specific topic and a readership that knows it well.

But do we? Do we really know what drives Koptalk? We know it is the personal vehicle of Duncan Oldham – but do we really understand what makes him tick?

The following “confidential” psychological profile, discovered by Honorary Insider, suggests that there are bits in the corners of the sardine can we have not been able to reach. Take it with a pinch of salt – the post , I mean – not the sardine.)


Duncan Oldham Exposed


Siggy Freud


I make no apologies for paraphrasing the title of Duncan Oldham’s non-existent book – Anfield Exposed – as the title of this report.

A friend of mine works for the police as a forensic psychologist. She assures me it is nowhere exciting as the “Cracker” television series.

Sometime ago I asked her to look at Duncan Oldham, the sole owner of the Koptalk website.

We were able to do this simply by “borrowing” a Koptalk identity and password from a friend.

To avoid double log-ins they added each other to their MSN friends list , so they knew when each other was on line. It was helped by the fact that the friend in question was on a different continent in a completely different time zone. (Duncan, you really must look at your site security sometime!)

Initially, my friend did not want to know from me anything about Duncan Oldham because she did not want to work from preconceived ideas.

Her initial observations (made over 3 or 4 weeks on his website ) were as follows:

1. Duncan Oldham is a pathological liar. He would not know the truth if it met and greeted him in the street. A pathological liar is someone who must lie to sustain his ego. Eventually, he starts to believe his own lies.

In Oldham’s case it is evidenced by his delusions of grandeur – the buying of properties overlooking Melwood , themed hotels in Liverpool , country estates in Yorkshire, get-away vacation homes and investment properties in New York State and his entry in his MySpace profile where he claimed to have an income of £250,000 p.a.

2. “Dunk Knows Best”: He actually believes this! He thinks he is cleverer than the tax inspectors , the trading standards officers and the charity commissioners – and certainly more intelligent than the members of his website.

( In reality it would take a tax inspector about 20 minutes to unravel his accounts . They are trained forensic accountants who have come across every hide-income subterfuge known to man).

3. He does not like women, or is at least fearful or wary of them. This is probably due to some inadequacy in his sex life. In short, he may not be too hot between the sheets.

4. His evasiveness. She sensed a definite tendency to hide something – or lots of things. She suggested it indicates a degree of guilt which she has seen many times in petty criminals

5. He is intensely proud of his site. It’s probably the only success in a life riddled with failures – business, marriage etc.

6. When I asked her “would you be happy buying a used car from this person?” she replied “I would not be comfortable buying a used wire coat hanger from this individual”.

She was puzzled as to why he treats Steve McNeish so badly, and also about his failure to boycott the S*n or support the HJC – so at that stage she asked me for some background information.

I gave her a potted history of Koptalk from its start as a News Group through the formation of the website proper and then onto the Gold Club.

I mentioned in passing that Stevie was, in fact, Duncan’s step-brother. At that point she went “Whooah—tell me more! Where is Dunk’s Dad?”

I told her that his father ( a police officer – presumably in one of the Yorkshire police forces) had tragically committed suicide in the distant past. She nodded her head. “Yes, it all makes sense.”

She rambled on a bit more using technical terms, before leaving to complete her analysis.

A week later she returned with the complete profile in which she had added to her previous opinions.

It is confidential, but I managed to make a few hurried notes:


Profile: Duncan Oldham – Relations with Steve and Jeannette McNeish, Steve and Duncan’s Fathers, the S*n and the JJC


1. Duncan hates or resents Steve for the following reasons:

(a) Steve’s dad replaced Duncan’s dad in the life of their mother Jeannette McNeish.

(b) Steve’s dad is alive, Duncan’s is not.

2. Duncan’s refusal to boycott the S*n is a defence mechanism. Publicising the S*n and McKenzies’s lies has the effect of deflecting the blame from the South Yorkshire Police. This in turn diverts any reflected slight on his father, who may have been in that force at some time.

Alternatively, he feels he is defending the good name of the police, in general, and his father, in particular.

3. The HJC blames the South Yorkshire Police for the tragedies at Hillsborough. For the reasons already given, Oldham cannot or will not support the HJC.

4. His alleged criminal activities – charity scams, fake memorabilia etc. (And this is where it gets really bizarre folks). Dunk sails outside the law as revenge on his father for committing suicide. The analyst suspects that although it happened so time ago, he is still bitter about it. Yes, undoubtedly he loved his dad dearly, but his shady activities are revenge on him for leaving what she suspects was a vulnerable child without a father.




10 Responses to “What Makes Koptalk Tick? A speculative psychological profile of a Konman.”

  1. Tubby Says:

    Dunk is one screwed up mother fucker. However blaming the old man is way too simplistic a conclusion. It may have started out that way, but ultimately Dunk’s life unfolded due to his own actions which left him with a litany of failed relationship, botth personal and professional, and it seems not only does “Dunk know best” but it also seems “Dunk knows nothing else”.

    He is just a simple fella really, clinging on to the one thing that has generated any semblance of pride for him, but now having to grapple with the fact KT is becoming a source of despair and may yet again lead to another downfall. It seems “Dunk can never win” – and this sympathy will probably be the only thing keeping him going once KT is killed off.

    And it will be, Dunk just needs to admit it himself and either go with some dignity or fight on like some pitiful letch.

  2. joe blogg Says:

    And I thought Stan Collymore was a twat!

  3. Hothead Says:

    Although I dislike the conman on KT, this is taking it a bit far though, isn’t it?

    Bringing in parents suicide and family relations is bad taste at best.

    Keep up the good work. But this here is pish.

  4. rupertinsider Says:


    Point taken.

    However, it makes you wonder why his is the only footie site in the world where the Owner, his family – with all its dysfunctional aspects – are placed front and centre, year after year. Presumably its because he thinks it a commercially successful ploy?

    Seeking for sympathy to excuse shady dealings is one obvious motive to consider.

  5. Honorary Insider Says:

    Hot head

    Oldham in the past has used the tragedy that befell his father as a means to gain sympathy, and in a way the article explains, but does not excuse, his refusal to boycott the S*n or his refusal to support the HJC, the lady who helped with this piece ( and who is a real forensic psychologist) was pretty certain of those points

  6. mightykopite Says:

    I agree with hothead, I was once KT member and gave to Lauren, and I know now I was ripped off, but this thread is in bad taste.
    You can justify it all you want but this is wrong

  7. The Platinum Club Says:

    What a wierd post. Not entirely sure of the point of it tbh.

  8. rupertinsider Says:

    I didn’t write the piece and cannot speak to the author’s intent.

    I interpret his substantive point to be his suggestion that one possible motivation Oldham has for not observing the boycott of the S*n and not cooperating with the HJC is that he is sympathetic to the South Yorkshire police force. That force has been blamed both by the HJC and the independent inquiry for the events that day. Oldham may wish to deflect blame from the police because his father was a policeman. In fact it is very likely, given that Oldham comes from Scarborough, that his father was in the Yorkshire police force either before or after it was divided between regions.

    While I think that there may be something in this theory, I still believe that Oldham acts mainly for money. His dealings with the S*N and HJC are with an eye to profit. It may be that he also gets some personal satisfaction from it, too, along the lines suggested by the author, but that is secondary.

    The issue of his father’s alleged suicide should be separate, in my view. I don’t think it impacts one way or the other on the main point of the piece.

    However, on the issue of the alleged suicide. It is Oldham who repeatedly publishes on Koptalk the allegation that his father committed suicide. He also claims that the police character in a TV soap opera (I’ve forgotten which one) is based on his father. He also claims repeatedly to have a special relationship with the police, access to them, to have and sell radios tuned to their private broadcasts and as having wanted to be a policeman. I have no idea if the suicide and TV stories are fantasies, or gambits to attract sympathy or if they are true.

    But the golden rule in these matters is that if someone choses to publish personal stuff for whatever reasons – and especially if the reason may be to gain sympathy or support or make money – then that personal stuff is no longer private and is subject to public comment. Whether one should comment is a matter of personal taste. I have preferred not to comment on it.

    I think that as LFC supporters, we would be better off if a site purporting to be about LFC and drawing visitors for that very reason i.e. Koptalk – refrained from talking about family suicides, miscarriages, the rape of the youngest daughter, the reaction of that same daughter to the news that she had been living next door to a notorious paedophile, and if the owner of the site refrained from giving his personal opinion as being sympathetic to the rape of underage girls, or detailing his sexual conquests and dating techniques, as well as the minutiae of his diet, his sleeping habits and all the rest. I would even include in that the urine and blood tests of his so-called sick cousin.

    I’ve said very early in the life of this blog – to some protest – that he acts as a wannabee cult leader. It is characetristic of those types to try to force the details of their personal life – even the lavatorial details – down the throats of their so-called followers. It is a way of rubbing their noses in it, having them become part of his pack.

    In my opinion, one of the reasons Oldham has been unable to learn from criticism and especially the criticism that his site has been ruined by this concentration on himself, is that he can’t stop. He needs to exhibit himself and force himself on the attention of strangers. You could say that this is typical of a lonely person. But there are many lonely people in the world and very few who behave like him. Not only does he force this stuff down the throats of LFC fans he charges for it.

    As I understand it ,the author of the piece was experimenting with a format in order to comment on Oldham’s public claims about his father and his psychological motivation and to try make sense of them.

  9. Insider Insider Says:

    It was “Sgt Bob Cryer” of The Bill that Oldham claimed had been based on his father. This article is tongue-in-cheek, and people are being a little too sensitive (in my opinion) about it. Dunk was happy to wind up two of his members the other night about the death of one of their mothers. He thought it was hilarious.

    The Bob Cryer character was, from what I remember of watching The Bill years ago, a decent policeman. He wasn’t a bent copper. And he’d not have approved even a little bit of someone who stole thousands of pounds from a collection supposedly for his own cousin. If Dunk’s dad was anything like Bob Cryer he’d be deeply ashamed of his son.

    Dunk mentions all the shitty things that have happened in his life whenever he needs a bit of sympathy, or needs to deflect attention away from some criticism he’s facing.

  10. rupertinsider Says:

    I’ve just done some surfing for Sgt. Bob Cryer. I cannot find even the slightest suggestion anywhere that he was based on Oldham’s dad. Where did he get that idea?

    Does anyone know if his Dad was actually a policeman – I mean evidence that does not depend on Oldham’s claim?

    I’ve done a search for that name in the police force and also as a suicide and found nothing. Wouldn’t the name have cropped up in the press if he was an active officer and especially if he died that way?

    Does anyone know his father’s first name?

    I wonder if Oldham is one of those police fantasists. There’s his early years – 1996-1998 selling radios tuned to police messages and involvement in discussion groups about police and emergency services channels, then his claim he joined the army in order to qualify for the police, the story about his father and The Bill , his repeated claims that he has privileged access to the police because of his father and for example could turn them on the blog and even his fondness for police prhases – “move along there’s nothing to see here” – and icons with police motifs.

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