by Honorary Insider
(Edit: This is a blog. It should be open to a bit of tongue-in-cheek or “experimental” writing.
It’s also a blog with specific topic and a readership that knows it well.
But do we? Do we really know what drives Koptalk? We know it is the personal vehicle of Duncan Oldham – but do we really understand what makes him tick?
The following “confidential” psychological profile, discovered by Honorary Insider, suggests that there are bits in the corners of the sardine can we have not been able to reach. Take it with a pinch of salt – the post , I mean – not the sardine.)
Duncan Oldham Exposed
I make no apologies for paraphrasing the title of Duncan Oldham’s non-existent book – Anfield Exposed – as the title of this report.
A friend of mine works for the police as a forensic psychologist. She assures me it is nowhere exciting as the “Cracker” television series.
Sometime ago I asked her to look at Duncan Oldham, the sole owner of the Koptalk website.
We were able to do this simply by “borrowing” a Koptalk identity and password from a friend.
To avoid double log-ins they added each other to their MSN friends list , so they knew when each other was on line. It was helped by the fact that the friend in question was on a different continent in a completely different time zone. (Duncan, you really must look at your site security sometime!)
Initially, my friend did not want to know from me anything about Duncan Oldham because she did not want to work from preconceived ideas.
Her initial observations (made over 3 or 4 weeks on his website ) were as follows:
1. Duncan Oldham is a pathological liar. He would not know the truth if it met and greeted him in the street. A pathological liar is someone who must lie to sustain his ego. Eventually, he starts to believe his own lies.
In Oldham’s case it is evidenced by his delusions of grandeur – the buying of properties overlooking Melwood , themed hotels in Liverpool , country estates in Yorkshire, get-away vacation homes and investment properties in New York State and his entry in his MySpace profile where he claimed to have an income of £250,000 p.a.
2. “Dunk Knows Best”: He actually believes this! He thinks he is cleverer than the tax inspectors , the trading standards officers and the charity commissioners – and certainly more intelligent than the members of his website.
( In reality it would take a tax inspector about 20 minutes to unravel his accounts . They are trained forensic accountants who have come across every hide-income subterfuge known to man).
3. He does not like women, or is at least fearful or wary of them. This is probably due to some inadequacy in his sex life. In short, he may not be too hot between the sheets.
4. His evasiveness. She sensed a definite tendency to hide something – or lots of things. She suggested it indicates a degree of guilt which she has seen many times in petty criminals
5. He is intensely proud of his site. It’s probably the only success in a life riddled with failures – business, marriage etc.
6. When I asked her “would you be happy buying a used car from this person?” she replied “I would not be comfortable buying a used wire coat hanger from this individual”.
She was puzzled as to why he treats Steve McNeish so badly, and also about his failure to boycott the S*n or support the HJC – so at that stage she asked me for some background information.
I gave her a potted history of Koptalk from its start as a News Group through the formation of the website proper and then onto the Gold Club.
I mentioned in passing that Stevie was, in fact, Duncan’s step-brother. At that point she went “Whooah—tell me more! Where is Dunk’s Dad?”
I told her that his father ( a police officer – presumably in one of the Yorkshire police forces) had tragically committed suicide in the distant past. She nodded her head. “Yes, it all makes sense.”
She rambled on a bit more using technical terms, before leaving to complete her analysis.
A week later she returned with the complete profile in which she had added to her previous opinions.
It is confidential, but I managed to make a few hurried notes:
Profile: Duncan Oldham – Relations with Steve and Jeannette McNeish, Steve and Duncan’s Fathers, the S*n and the JJC
1. Duncan hates or resents Steve for the following reasons:
(a) Steve’s dad replaced Duncan’s dad in the life of their mother Jeannette McNeish.
(b) Steve’s dad is alive, Duncan’s is not.
2. Duncan’s refusal to boycott the S*n is a defence mechanism. Publicising the S*n and McKenzies’s lies has the effect of deflecting the blame from the South Yorkshire Police. This in turn diverts any reflected slight on his father, who may have been in that force at some time.
Alternatively, he feels he is defending the good name of the police, in general, and his father, in particular.
3. The HJC blames the South Yorkshire Police for the tragedies at Hillsborough. For the reasons already given, Oldham cannot or will not support the HJC.
4. His alleged criminal activities – charity scams, fake memorabilia etc. (And this is where it gets really bizarre folks). Dunk sails outside the law as revenge on his father for committing suicide. The analyst suspects that although it happened so time ago, he is still bitter about it. Yes, undoubtedly he loved his dad dearly, but his shady activities are revenge on him for leaving what she suspects was a vulnerable child without a father.