I thought my head had been blown off…

…for a moment.

Blood everywhere, splattered all over my computer screen. I thought it had finally happened, Dunk had splashed out that £500 of Lauren’s money he still had lying around to pay for me to have my head blown off.

I picked up a tissue, surprised they still existed in the afterlife, and wiped some of the blood off the screen. Then I realised – I wasn’t dead after all.

I’d failed to heed the warnings from the hossie after the op – “Don’t blow your nose. Don’t sneeze quietly. Don’t read the Duncan Mitty blog.”

I’d not had my brains blown out. I’d just laughed them out.

The blog is not my work, it’s the work of a mysterious character going by the name of Duncan Mitty. It’s the funniest thing I’ve read since Everton said they were in for Michael Owen.

I recommend you all go and read it now*. You’ll find it at http://duncanmitty.wordpress.com/.

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* The Duncan Mitty blog should not be read by anyone just out of hospital or anyone with recent stitches. Don’t read whilst driving, drinking coffee or operating heavy machinery. Don’t read if you are in the middle of a sponsored silence or if you are pretending to be concerned about your sister-in-law’s recent break up with her boyfriend.