I thought my head had been blown off…

…for a moment.

Blood everywhere, splattered all over my computer screen. I thought it had finally happened, Dunk had splashed out that £500 of Lauren’s money he still had lying around to pay for me to have my head blown off.

I picked up a tissue, surprised they still existed in the afterlife, and wiped some of the blood off the screen. Then I realised – I wasn’t dead after all.

I’d failed to heed the warnings from the hossie after the op – “Don’t blow your nose. Don’t sneeze quietly. Don’t read the Duncan Mitty blog.”

I’d not had my brains blown out. I’d just laughed them out.

The blog is not my work, it’s the work of a mysterious character going by the name of Duncan Mitty. It’s the funniest thing I’ve read since Everton said they were in for Michael Owen.

I recommend you all go and read it now*. You’ll find it at http://duncanmitty.wordpress.com/.

________________________________

* The Duncan Mitty blog should not be read by anyone just out of hospital or anyone with recent stitches. Don’t read whilst driving, drinking coffee or operating heavy machinery. Don’t read if you are in the middle of a sponsored silence or if you are pretending to be concerned about your sister-in-law’s recent break up with her boyfriend.

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8 Responses to “I thought my head had been blown off…”

  1. chapeau du soleil Says:

    “During the last few months I’ve received prank calls, hate mail and threatening emails. I made an point of showing these to all of my family including my young children. It scared them silly, I can tell you. I had to fabricate a few pictures myself to make sure they were absolutely petrified”

    LMAO! So true

  2. est-er Says:

    I love DME, it’s brilliant

  3. fat_boy_fat Says:

    I seen the site a few days ago. Funny as fuck.

    Shows you up even more for the dick you are Oldham.

    NOBODY LIKES YOU, NOBODY LIKES YOU!!

  4. Nash Says:

    Absoloutly hilarious!

    By the way, if Rupert or I-I are around. What is on his insider site site, yano koptalkinsider.com

    Also, have you got any ballpark figures on his drop of membership renewals and subscriptions. I’d guess members are careful about posting as they don’t want to get banned, others won’t post at all. I’m sure whatever number it is now it’s a far cry from what it was in 2001.

  5. univofchicago Says:

    Nash:

    I don’t know. But there definately has been a significant drop in membership renewals and subscriptions (quite contrary to Dunk’s claim that it was the “BEST SUMMER EVER” in terms of new signups) as one can tell from Dunk’s desperado acts over the past month or so. I think it was jj_sawyer who said there was a 80% drop in new signups compared to last summer.

    The blog should be aiming for a bigger drop next summer (or even better make Koptalk cease to exist…)

  6. univofchicago Says:

    I’ve just read the three recent entries by Mr Mitty and I laughed my head off…

    “Disco_Sydney_A”?!?!?!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

  7. RedinSweden Says:

    The Duncan Mitty blog is completely ace.

  8. Mudface Says:

    Superb stuff. Favourite bits-

    “Poor me, I’m skint, we can barely keep the servers running. I had to bury my guinea pig and all my family are being threatened. My Doctor died a few years ago, the server costs are enormous. I send a free birthday card (to paying subscribers) every year so please donate to my Gold Blog 2.0. My pet whippet was killed in a bizarre cycling accident and I have no friends as I’m always in the DME HQ writing bullshit. Poor me. I might have to do a proper days work if things carry on like this, please help me.

    Things are busy at the HQ, I’ve got Kevin doing all the work while I’m drinking cider in the back yard. The cunning part is that I’ve transferred all the illegal activity associated with this blog to him but I bag all the cash. Great, eh? He’s my stepbrother so I’ll still visit him when he’s banged up. That’s what I’d do for you, you’re all family too. If you were to get banged up for me I’d do the same for you, that’s the kinda guy I am, yeh.”


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