Swanning It in Cardiff or Swanning It on Swan Avenue?

by JJ_Sawyer

August 19th 2006.


Where was Oldham when he was meant to be in Cardiff for the Community Shield against Chelsea? Did he make the trip down? Well we’ve done some digging to get to the truth.We can exclusively reveal to you exactly where he was… not in Cardiff because he has too many enemies and disgruntled former customers looking out for him there, incidentally we are 99.9% Liverpool fans that are looking for you Oldham, and besides you can’t get a pint of Woodpecker anywhere in the Welsh capital. This is despite Oldham’s lies that he was enjoying a cold pint of the quirky cider in the foyer of his Cardiff hotel last weekend.

They must have got the barrels of Woodpeckers in especially for the chubby one, as he likes to be known to his closest friends, although he didn’t want to meet up with any of them last weekend. Although saying that, it is quite easy enough to pick up his favourite tipple from any local corner shop in the Wallsend area of the North East of England, which is where he got it from.

Koptalk ShedWe’ve analysed some aerial surveillance provided from our friends at the CIA and by analysing the before, during and after shots of the Koptalk Shed (see thumbnail) on Sunday 13th August, we believe to have established his whereabouts.

Our team of aerial photography professionals have ascertained that the only reasonable explanation for the Koptalk sheds clear swaying to the right between 3pm and 5pm last Sunday was due to the 30+ stone frame of a disgusting Geordie conman sitting at his Ikea desk watching the match and not subsidence which had been originally feared.

Earlier photographs of the shed show no such signs of sinking and help us to conclude the whereabouts of one Duncan Oldham on the weekend of the Community Shield.

We will shortly be writing to neighbours of Mr Oldham at 1, 2, 3 and 4 Swan Avenue to ascertain their feelings on this unsightly and hideous shed on the corner of their once beautiful suburban street, which no doubt has gone to significantly lower the potential values of their properties.

We will also be making enquiries with the local council to make sure the Koptalk.con self important leader has received the relevant planning permissions to construct this unsightly trailer on what appears to have been a nice suburban street before the arrival of the Oldham caravan.

JJ_Sawyer

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15 Responses to “Swanning It in Cardiff or Swanning It on Swan Avenue?”

  1. Chunka Says:

    I was watching “location, location, location, ” the other day and the property they were buying was in view to having a business there. They mentioned you needed all sorts of stuff from the council before you can use a residential property as a business.

  2. silentbutdeadly Says:

    excellent points made, and both the use of the shed for business purposes and the planning permission need further investigation.

    If anyone knows who his local council is I am happy to send off a letter/email.

  3. lobster Says:

    muahahahhaahaaa

  4. Steve O Says:

    LOL, google for

    disgusting Geordie conman

  5. DanTheMan Says:

    the caravan/council estate scenario is a far cry form the picture he painted of a loaded entrepreneur with a merc. i’m sure i can see a washing machine in that garden. chav!

  6. Sinon Says:

    SilentBut Deadly, its:

    Scarborough Borough Council
    Town Hall
    St Nicholas Street
    Scarborough
    North Yorkshire
    YO11 2HG

    And there is an online formal complaint form here:

    http://www.scarborough.gov.uk/Default.aspx?page=9176

    or if still in doubt as who to contact then call the freephone General Advice and Enquiry line on 0800 371695.

  7. jj_sawyer Says:

    it will be interesting to see if he has received planning permission for his shed, from what I remember at the time he was talking about Steve’s dad building the “office” in his garden and it all seemed very pushed through last minute on a whim. It isn’t a proper building, just a shed with electricity running through from the house so I suspect it is made of light materials and was build over the course of a few days.

    Also he isn’t in Scarborough is he? I believe he lives in Wallsend, which is on the outskirts of Newcastle, therefore Newcastle would be his local council. Correct?

    Newcastle City Council
    Civic Centre
    Barras Bridge
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    NE99 1RD

    http://www.newcastle-staffs.gov.uk/general.asp?id=SXAFDC-A77FAAE4

  8. silentbutdeadly Says:

    jjsawyer – you seemed to know his address in your piece. email it me to sbutdeadly at lycos dot com and I’ll send something off. Insider – you have it don’t you?

  9. rupert Says:

    Essentially it is a matter for the local planning authority and the neighbours.

    I notice that other houses have back yard sheds – but they are all much smaller than the KT shed. And his house seems to have one or two other smaller sheds. In planning terms, size does matter.

    At first sight it is difficult to see how it is not an eyesore and how it does change the residential nature of the street.

    Knowing how careful he is about obtaining permissions and doing everything by the book (cough!) I assume he has secured planning permission. But in his application did he explain that the shed would be used to run a business – including football, porno and adult date-finders. Did he explain that it would be operating 19 hours a day? Did he explain that in addition to it being an office it would be Steve’s bedroom?

    This then leads on to questions about busienss licenses, property tax re-assessemnt, and business taxes .

  10. An Observer Says:

    Has anyone contacted the post office and asked them for the address on file for the PO Box. The po box terms say they reserve the right to give the address to anyone who asks.

  11. univofchicago Says:

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

  12. jj_sawyer Says:

    an observer: many people have written to the Royal Mail to request the address of this PO box number he loves to use.

    For those interested, and I see no reason why not to share his address considering he requests the addresses of all his paying customers, is 5 Swan Avenue (his full postal address can be found in Insiders latest post.

    AS for the planning permission goes, rupert is right, it is a matter for the local council and his neighbours. It might be worth writing to the neighbours on behalf of the blog to ascertain how they feel about the shed and what is going on in there.

    The image above shows the street (swan avenue), which from google maps looks quite a nice suburb. I would wonder though how the owners of 1 swan avenue feel about the eyesore when looking out their front window.

    Writing to the council is also a very good idea, especially considering he uses the shed for business purposes.

  13. rupert Says:

    I think we have a legitimate interest in the registered office of his business. Is it the shed, his mother’s home, or some other property?

    I suspect he does not have a registered office because I suspect he does have a registered company. But if he does, and if the shed is not the registered office, then it is certainly the main place he does business. You can also see why the law requires a registered address.

    These matters become important if you wish to pursue a claim or commence legal proceedings.

    They are also very important for Revenue and Customs, the property tax assessment office in Newcastle and Scarborough and, of course, any DSS office he or any members of his family/company apply to for benefits.

  14. Toby Says:

    He can’t have a registered company, at least in the name of Koptalk (as he always requests cheques be made out to) or in the name of Caboodle as there’s no record of either name, or variations of, at Companies House.

    If he had a registered company under any other name he would certainly use it to register domain names in order to be able to claim them against his tax.

    It’s therefore pretty obvious he’s not declaring his earnings to Inland Revenue.

  15. rupert Says:

    I left the word “not” out of my post inadvertently. I do not believe he has a registered company. He would be required to file tax returns if he had.

    If he does not have a company then how is he being assessed – partnership or self-employed . Is he paying the requisite taxes and social insurance and health ctntributions?


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