Under attack? Play a bit of make believe

There you are, sitting in your shed in the North East of England. Your copy of the Sun is battered now, after you used it to try and kill one of the many flies that seem to have started swarming around the shed. You’ve had a nasty letter off some people who weren’t happy with the way you took their stuff and pretended it was yours. And the way you called them names and made false claims about them. And as if that wasn’t enough, those nasty bloggers have been saying you can’t read long words. And they say you won’t get round to starting your buke, but you have – you’ve already got the title sorted. Even your mam’s not sticking up for you any more, and your step-brother says he won’t go out with you for a beer now, saying something about “B.O.”, whatever that is. And he keeps saying something about cramping his style with the girls. ‘My chat up lines are legendary’ you think to yourself. Still, seeing as nobody likes you any more what can you do?

Ding! That lightbulb appears above your head. ‘I know!’ you think, ‘I’ll transform myself into one of my aliases.’ Into the Koptalk dressing up box it is then. First item is ideal. Yes, it’s your leather gear. Even though Jamie Carragher refuses to even carry one, you’ll gladly pretend to be one. A few moments later and you are transformed into…….

….the Koptalk Wallet!

Now, to write something…

wallet    Silver Member
Reged: Jul 22 2004
Posts: 463
Kuyt bid approved by our Board….
#1587081 – Thu Aug 03 2006 05:27 PM

I’ve just received a call to say that an improved offer for Dirk Kuyt has been approved by our Board. It is a player plus cash offer, suspected to involve Jerzy Dudek and is worth approximately £9.4m all up. It is anticipated that this will test the resolve of Feyenord with Kuyt anxious to move to Anfield. The bid will be made after tomorrows match.

Why Dunk has to use this image from the BBC website as his “wallet” avatar I’ve no idea.

Maybe he couldn’t find one he liked on the Liverpool Echo / Daily Post website. Still, his visit to that website at least allowed him to read this (here) –

“Meanwhile, Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez is hoping to seal the signature of Dirk Kuyt with a renewed bid this week. But if Feyenoord’s resolve over the £10milion asking price for the player can’t be broken, Benitez is prepared to play the waiting game in his bid to get a fourth main striker.” 

Duncan Oldham would make more money by handing himself over to science. Surely there’s a lot of money to be made by isolating whatever it is that allows something so dense to be so easy to see through.


5 Responses to “Under attack? Play a bit of make believe”

  1. Chris Says:

    The Wallet needs to make up some better stuff. Feyenoord have recent signed the Dutch number 2 goalkeeper Henk Timmer from AZ and already have a load of goalies on the books, infact they’re desperately trying to get rid of at least one. Not a chance Liverpool would even offer Dudek or that it’d “test Feyenoords resolve” if we did. It’s amazing how stuff like this from “The Wallet” only comes out after Bascombe speaks and then the Daily Post mention it aswell.

  2. rupertinsider Says:

    “The Wallet” only comes out after Bascombe speaks and then the Daily Post mention it aswell.”

    Usually, after he has stolen the Echo or Post story, he says “as confirmed by local media”.

  3. bigf00t Says:

    George fcuking best?!

    oh this guy is such a dick…

  4. Fat Tax Says:

    Always makes me laugh. Fat Dunk. Fat Wallet.

    He’s just the right age to remember that advert too. Cue all the kids going “What the fuck’s he on about?”

  5. Toby Says:

    Is Steve his ‘flexible friend’?

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