The cleaner and the cleaner up.

Spotted – KT Katie.

We used our super secret snooping system to get the picture you’ve all been waiting for.


It turns out that Katie is actually the cleaner for the Koptalk portacabin. That’s why she was bending down, she was cleaning the desk. That’s quite a relief. “She” wasn’t giving “relief”. (Thanks to “Alan” for the idea.)

We are now asking for your recollections on Dunk’s various auctions and general sale of LFC-related items over the past few years. This ball is an example of the sort of stuff he sells on his site. Nobody has a problem with that really, as long he’s selling it for what it is and as long as he admits he’s selling it for what it’s really worth. Knowing Duncan though there’ll be something wrong.

Did you buy a ball like this? Did he claim it was a genuine Champions League ball, made by Adidas, signed by Liverpool’s players? Was it a genuine Adidas ball? Was it signed by Liverpool players?

Things like this usually have a certificate of authenticity – did yours include one?

Another item he was selling fairly recently was a replica Champions League medal. Did you buy it? Did you get ripped off? I’m assuming he admitted it wasn’t a real medal. I’m assuming it was an official UEFA product (if not then UEFA would class it as a counterfeit item and it would be worthless to many collectors).

How about tickets? Has he sold any tickets in auctions? Have you bought one? How much did you pay? We don’t really like touts, and we’ve heard rumours – but that’s all. If you’ve bought tickets off Duncan at face value let us know too, because he needs some positive press.

How about memorabilia for other clubs? A signed Alan Shearer sock? A Martin Jol wig?

For many people football memorabilia is something they buy as an investment, and fair play to them if they manage to make a profit on it. As long as it’s genuine.

That’s why the football seems a bit odd – when he was advertising it I seem to recall he was saying that he had a number of them in stock. Does this sound right? Something doesn’t seem to fit – so I’d appreciate any information. Perhaps you know something about these things because you are a collector yourself – what would a genuine certificate of authenticity need to say on it to be considered acceptable to a collector? Email me in confidence or leave a comment.

Otherwise we’ll send Katie round to clean you up.


13 Responses to “The cleaner and the cleaner up.”

  1. rupertinsider Says:

    Is that an x-ray of a meat pie he’s holding up?

    He seems to have lost a few pounds – must be the worry.

    (PS You sure that’s not Brendan?)

  2. Alan Says:

    Did she get rid of all that grease and limescale? what about the horrible accent and the lies? Glad to see barbara in the office cleaning!

    Also, just thought, Koptalk radio-do you need a licence to broadcast ? i remember one guy got sued for airing mariah carey without permission…. ?

  3. Alan Says:

    he keeps mentioning Katie in his broadcast, along with burping down the microphone like a child. And swearing. Katie sounds like an older woman…

  4. lobster Says:

    disgusting he is

  5. spider Says:

    bbc watchdog would find ducan oldham quite interesting dont you think.
    Imagine pie arse on telly, stuttering and stammering , trying to explain were all the dosh has gone.

    blow the twat up and let watchdog do what it does best 🙂
    the more the merrier to complain.

  6. rupertinsider Says:

    I switched off after the fourth burp. The whole show is an excuse for him to talk about himself, advertise KT and talk about himself.

    Katie was very defensive. He suggested she is “bigger” than his Ma. She sounds 27 to 37 not 18.

  7. fat_boy_fat Says:

    anyone wishing to go a visit Oldham i susgest you use the postcodes YO12 7XU and YO11 1BB. If you out both of these into Google earth the show up like they are only a street or 2 away from each other.
    The other postcode he has used YO11 1YD looks like to be a few miles away from the other ones.
    Maybe me and a few mates will spend a weekend soon trying to find his portacabin.

  8. Alan Says:

    All it was was swearing, burping, generally being a dickhead, mentioning koptalk.

    I wonder what his vanilla ice impression was? him doing the truffle shuffle whilst trying to dance like vanilla ice?(he put it on and went ‘o its my song’ then went ‘steve u get speakin cos i need to do my impression’

    then went ‘bet you wouldnt see andy gray doing that in middle of commentary?’
    when he returned to the mic he was out of breath going, “zendon, no diao just gave that away- yea cos Zenden and Diao look so similar. Didnt know who half the players were when he was commentating on it, the prick

  9. univofchicago Says:

    yeah, katie sounded more like 28-32.

    im suspecting its maria…dunk’s wife…

  10. big_fat_rip_off Says:

    Yesterday, someone called johnny_h said that we are deffo NOT interested in kuyt, yet the day before the informer said that we deffo ARE signing kuyt. not been with koptalk for long but im told these 2 are supposedly the 2 best people with inside knowledge. Now either they are both aliases of fat cunt, and he can then claim a exclusive prediction whatever happens, the big fat lying twat. OR one of them is genuine. You seem to know who is genuine and who are just fatman pretending so can you clear this up for me please. thanks.

  11. fat_boy_fat Says:

    johnny H i would say is 99.9% geniune.
    As for the informer, i believe he is a big fat geordie newcastle supporting mcdonalds supporting, weight watchers member con man.

  12. fat_boy_fat Says:

    Using my access to the FBI, i have been able to digitally enhance what is written on the piece of paper that bloke is holding up. It says :-

    Please help! Dunk his holding me hostage. My name is Frank, i work at the local McDonalds and Dunk wont release me until you agree to his demands. They are as follows.
    1) Home delivery service
    2) A free happy meal membership when he signs up for the proper meal membership
    3)Young ‘loose’ girls to serve him
    4)A job for the remaining members of his family
    5) inside info from Ronald McDonald himself
    6) a new koptalk burger, and when customers order it the person serving must ask “do you want Lies with that?”
    7) a Ronald McDonald wig for his mam
    8) All web access at McDonalds to only goto koptalk
    9) Free happy meal toys signed by Ronald to sell on KT
    10) a 24 hour hot line to the cheif exec.

    Unless these demands are met, then he has said he will keep me here and call me Katie!

  13. univofchicago Says:


    johnny h is genuine.

    wallet, informer, pat mccat is duncan oldham in disguise.

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