Koptalk: We want your suggestions

See if you can spot the magic number. 99.9% of you will. Yes, it's Dunk's latest 'cunning plan'. He says use the "CONTACT US" form at the top of http://www.koptalk.coN to get in touch with him. Better idea – email him at editor@koptalk.com. Save you some time. And it will get to him then. Get to him in more ways than one in fact. In return he gets new ideas to help him make some money.

Your Feedback
Thu 22 Jun 2006 01:21 PM

I'm currently making plans for next season and would appreciate it if you could provide suggestions via the CONTACT US form at the top of http://www.koptalk.coN with what you would like to see more of or less of on KOPTALK next season. (Why not see koptalk-insider.com for a LOT of suggestions?)

All sensible submissions will be printed off and discussed amongst ourselves. Stupid submissions will just be binned so you'll be wasting your time, I won't even get to see them. (You will – we've just given out your personal email address.)

We can't dump the ads for example because we need the wonga (although there's no ads in the Gold Club). (Dunk needs the wonga. And there's no ads on any of his sites if you use the right software.)

Please remember that KOPTALK is a fans site and we do not have the resources or official access as the big sites and their budgets. (Oh right. So what happens to the recruitment plans for your new Spurs site? These men in suits you keep telling us about – do they know how skint you are?)

Yes we have money to play but it's about investing in the right things that may be of interest to you. For example last season we launched KOPTALK RADIO which ok, isn't exactly 5 LIVE, but from the feedback we received, thousands of you enjoy it as it enables you to follow the Reds from all over the globe without having to spend a penny. (Thousands? I think we may be exaggerating there Mr Oldham. For a change. Not exactly Five Live? An understatement we feel. The phrase "spend a penny" came to mind for us too, because you really are taking the piss with that. As comments on here will testify.)

If something annoys you, tell me and I will see if we can change things to make your time more enjoyable. (It's knowing where to start really. How do we explain that 99.9% of your presence annoys us, and many others?)

We're never going to be politically correct and we're always going to be laid back and not so serious unless we need to be. (Of course – you promote the Sun, against the wishes of Liverpool supporters the world over. You and your hat.)

We like a bit of tongue in cheek (no homo!) and we won't toe the line like other LFC sites do which is why we're maybe a little controversial from time to time. (I bet Steve will be pleased to know about the new "no homo" policy at Koptalk. Saves him running from his boss.)

KOPTALK has always been about trying to help Reds keep in touch with things to do with LFC. (No – Koptalk's always been about how to line the pockets of Mr Duncan Oldham in the best way possible.) But we try not to make it too heavy so you can log-on from work, college or home and not have to endure the politics that some sites are heavily involved with, not that there's anything wrong with that. (Actually people can't log on from work as much these days because of your site's adult content. It's banner is a semi-naked woman. And this is a site that used to ban users for mentioning anything even slightly risqué because of the number of kids visiting. As for politics, what about your BNP and anti-foreigner rants? Are they not politics?)

We just prefer to concentrate on the things most Reds want to read about or discuss.No visitors here are expected to recite Liverpool's achievements over the years to prove their support and we don't care if you're from Liverpool or Libya or how many games you go to. (He missed a bit out here. "As long as you've got money you'll do for us.")

Yes we have a subscription site to help cover our costs and put food on the table and petrol in the car but 99.9% of our content is free. (To "help" cover costs? Put food on the table? Petrol in the car? Don't you mean "cars"? You've got the Mondeo, the Merc, the Ka and the van unless you've been lying somewhere. And you use the money to buy HD plasma TVs, Sky HD, multi-sat systems etc. Or did, until we came along 😉 And in case you didn't spot it, we just had Dunk's magic number.)

The subscription site is completely optional, sadly critics seem to forget that. (The site is optional, but it's also not what it says it is. Like some girl answering an Adult Friend Finder ad describing a six-foot slim intelligent and caring male but getting Duncan Oldham instead.)

Each summer I like to plan for the year head. If I feel KOPTALK.COM has served it's purpose and is no longer needed because of the other sites out there now, I have no problem in pulling it to concentrate on our VIP site. (Is this the famous 'I'll pack it all in' nonsense again? )

However, if you enjoy the site and would like to contribute some feedback, please get in touch. All submissions will be checked and then passed to myself and I'll try and drop you an email for your efforts. (We are honoured. You'll TRY and drop us an email for our efforts? Which could lead to you making more "wonga"? How kind of you. And you'll be getting some ideas from people here no doubt. editor@koptalk.com – barrymore@koptalk.com doesn't work.)

Your suggestions may be posted on the site although your contact details and name etc will not be. (No – we'll be selling that to some foreign spamming agency) Everyone who contributes sensibly will be entered into a draw for a free Gold Club membership. (And if you win, remember to print the email out along with the article from the site and two signatures from independent witnesses, for when he locks you out two weeks later.)

Dunk
Editor
KOPTALK.COn

If you'd rather send your suggestions to us first we'll happily collate them and pass them on. Email them to koptalk.insider @ gmail.com and we'll send them to the FatCave for you. I bet we won't be allowed into the Gold Club draw though. 

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7 Responses to “Koptalk: We want your suggestions”

  1. rupert Says:

    "All emails will be checked and then passed to myself."

    He pays the Mansfield Bomb and Terrorists Squad members 50 quid an hour to come in on their spare time to do the checking.

    Then Ryan O'Whore and Brendan Supabitch check them to remove obscenities (they get to keep any they find for their own personal use).

    DJ checks that there are no duplications.

    Rosco eliminates any favourable references to Crouch

    And Mark , gentle soul that he is, checks for style.

    Fatty sits in the Throne Room, like the Queen, with Steve Mini-Dunk sitting at his feet, waiting for the sanitized emails to be delivered on a crimson velvet cushion.

    BTW Fatso I know its not your fault that your Britain's most illiterate "Editor", but it's not "passed to myself" it's "passed to me".

  2. Toby Says:

    Do you think if we send enough emails asking him to pack it all in then he’ll actually act upon our requests, or will he conjure up a handful of fake emails suggesting any changes to his site that he’s already got planned?

  3. rupert Says:

    By definition all emails asking him to take a walk will be deemed “silly”.

  4. Rich Says:

    “Each summer I like to plan for the year head. If I feel KOPTALK.COM has served it’s purpose and is no longer needed because of the other sites out there now, I have no problem in pulling it to concentrate on our VIP site”

    What does he hope to achieve by keeping on saying this? Is he just hoping everyone will fall at their knees begging him to keep his site open?

    Everyone knows he’s not going to close the main site or else he’ll have no way of conning people out of their money! The only way he gets people to sign up is by telling lies on the free site to lure people in. If thats not there who on Earth would ever join?

  5. rupert Says:

    He allows Brendan Supabitch and Ryan O’ Whore to dominate the free-site because it allows him to offer the Insider or Gold Club as an escape from them. If the free site was balanced and well-moderated few newbies would feel the need for something else.

    The moderators on the free site are so puffed up with their status they don’t realise that they are no more than unpaid cleaners at the Zoo, mucking out after Brendan and Ryan have shit all over the place.

  6. An Observer Says:

    Why does he need ad money when the likes of rawk seems to manage without any ads?

  7. jj_dominic Says:

    Because the good people at RAWK, YNWA or TLW don’t have to fund their alcoholism or their flash cars which Fatty Tarbuckles has paid for by conning 99.9% of his koptalk subscribers.

    Contrary to his lies Koptalk.con could easily be funded by ad revenue and affiliate revenues. It does and anything else goes straight in to the special ones pockets.


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