Thanks to the power of email, we have a copy of one of the recent fat-rants, otherwise known as the Fatty Blog.
Today's theme is – "I'm a fat and ugly website owner with more money than sense and far too much time on my hands. I hope you are jealous if you are reading this." Well that's what it sounds like anyway.
This is from Tuesday, so may seem well out-of-date to those of you who actually bother to read it. It was given the title of "Bored". We've not added or taken away any of the punctuation used.
"God there's not much doing is there. We're sat in the office bored out of our trees. At this rate I may have to finish my book"
Go on then Dunk – we know you've nearly finished it (according to what you said a couple of months back). Best time of year to get that last page done.
Steve's started his driving lessons, bless.
And here comes a quick, "I'm a nice guy me, and rich of course, and I look after my drinking partner well, I even give him his own house!" Yes, that's right, Dunk is actually claiming now that Koptalk HQ is in a house which is lived in by Steve. Of course Dunk, we believe you.
Although he works at KOPTALK HQ he doesn't actually get paid but he's basically under my wing which means he comes better off. The office comes with a house and he gets to live there rent free and all his bills are paid for so he's on a decent little earner really.
Yes, we're pissing ourselves too. A bit more of "How kind am I? And how rich too?" coming up –
I've offered to pay for his driving lessons and I've even told him to price himself a nice motor up so he's been on the blower to the garage today trying to get some prices on a new car. Right now he's on the phone to the DVLA buying himself a private plate, again, muggins here is paying for it so I've told him he has to work flat out today and earn some coin.I suggested he buy B16 EAR (big ear) but he wasn't having any of it so he opted for a W* KOP plate. I already have W1 KOP and W2 KOP. He didn't know whether to have an LFC or a KOP one but I suggested KOP as an LFC around here might get keyed.
Dunk actually has (or should have) a W 4 NKR plate.
Of course the man who tells us he's got a Merc and tells us as many times as he can is now telling us he's not got a Merc. He's getting a new car "in a few weeks" he says, but for now he's having to drive around in a van. He then (for our benefit we assume) tells us that the van is pretty awful because he's got to wind the windows down himself. Imagine the smell in there in this heat if he didn't wind the window down! He's probably hijacked the van from a local pie shop, but at least it gives him somewhere to go with the birds he (tells us he) picks up from Myspace.
So that's how busy we've been today. Cars, cars, cars. It's ok for some isn't it. I'm slumming it in a bloody van at the moment. No air conditioning, manual gears, a bloody tape player, manual windows? What's that all about! F*** that. At least it's only got two seats though… saves having to give people a lift.Fortunately I get me new car in a few weeks. When I get it, I'll take some nice plittle piccies for those bloggers out there that like to diss me
Oh he's talking about us again! *Waves*
And make sure you take photos of Steve's car when you buy it for him. Maybe a photo of you, Steve and the garage salesman together would be good.
For a moment when we read the next line we thought he was trying to make out that he was about to be visited by a reporter from a tacky magazine to talk about his Koptalk.coN empire. It wasn't though, he meant the paper boy had been. And he was probably planning to mention his big telly again here but forgot –
The good thing about today is that Zoo magazine arrived this morning so that will give us something to discuss this afternoon. That reminds me, the World Cup footy will be on soon. At least we'll have an interest for a few hours. Honestly, I don't think we've ever been this quiet.
Does "I don't think we've ever been this quiet" mean he's losing sources of rumour and gossip all the more? He can only make up so much all by himself, a lot of it starts out as one of his subscribers posting a rumour which he dresses up into a story. Although at least one comment on this blog has one of his members complaining about being locked out and not getting any reply to their "support ticket" – so if he's so quiet surely he can sort that little problem out?
Still, he's now promising us one of his infamous editorials. Should be erm, interesting –
Maybe I should type up an editorial on KOPTALK.COM and see if I can get a few people biting… yeh, that sounds like a good idea
Well Dunk, we've not seen your editorial, so if it had anything aimed at us you'll need to wait until the weekend, unless someone emails it to us. Or did it go the way of the book?