North Yorkshire alcoholic, Mr Duncan "Del Johnson" Oldham, today returned to his virtual home on the internet. Oldham, 21st 6lb, had left a note on his site on Saturday morning, saying he was off to get drunk. On Sunday he left another note, promising that he'd be back on Monday, just as soon as he'd got rid of the hangover.
For the wife-swapping pirate-video peddlar this was quite out of character, according to his own hype. He lives on Koptalk.coN, the infamous website that promises much but delivers little. Much of what is delivered arrived via the Cut and Paste function on the KokTalk computer. But he does it for you, his site visitors. His Mercedes may get upgraded every year or two thanks to your subscription money, without which he'd not be able to buy all of the large-screen televisions and multi-satellite systems for himself. As he says (as often as he can) – without your subscriptions koptalk.coN couldn't survive. I mean, he's not even got enough money left to help out his cousin Lauren. She needs special equipment due to a disability she has, and he begs for money for her regularly. Well it would have been unfair for him to go without his big telly for the world cup.
Talking of which, the big telly he bought especially for the World Cup seems to be out of use after all. His wife now lives back in Scarborough with the kids, and he's been in the pub for every single World Cup game so far from what he's been telling us all. I bet Lauren's proud of him.
Anyway, for what is quite clearly our benefit, fatboy updated his new blog today. At least he doesn't charge for this blog (yet) – his Insider subscribers had to do without updates thanks to his boozy weekend. I'm sure he'll give everyone an extra few days on their renewals as compensation – they are "family" after all. So, what messages did he have for us today?
Monday, June 12
by Dunk (KoKTalk Ef) on Mon 12 Jun 2006 10:57 AM BST
Well we took Saturday off for the England game. Basically we sat out in the sun and had a few pints before hitting the pubs on the local circuit. Steve was absolutely hammered bless him on Saturday night.
At around midnight I placed him in the taxi queue and found meself a table outside a boozer. I watched him queuing with around 50 people and after about 20 minutes I felt guilty and went up to him in the queue and said "You want another one mate?". Naturally he obliged and returned for another.
Then the silly sod went to the back of the queue again. It was quite funny really watching him take two steps right and one step left.
On Sunday I was destroyed so updating the site was a no no.
I saw the kids off home early evening and basically had a decent bite to eat and plenty of coffee in an attempt to dry up the booze.
We were back in KOPTALK HQ as normal Monday morning and we're slowly working through the emails and support tickets.
Oh yeh, it would seem we've got a new stalker. We've kicked him off the main site forums and he's now re-registering under different names, posting spam, sending us emails.
Christ, there really are some loons out there.
When you get people like this, and boy there's been a few over the last ten years, they have to go somewhere when they've been rejected from KOPTALK.
He'll probably go and start a spoof site, blog or even another LFC site to rival us.
They make our time more enjoyable though as we have a good laugh at them. They really think they hurt us when they sad nasty things… funny thing is, by the time they've thought of something to say, we'll probably be in the pub.
God I hate this job.
Good update Dunk. You've a new stalker hey? Now that made us laugh, because it shows we aren't the only ones tired of your antics aimed at ripping off Liverpool supporters. If you're Dunkie's new stalker get in touch with us and tell us why you think you were banned. We did all the registering of extra user names we needed to quite a while back now, and we think he'll have trouble finding out which ones they are. Don't be surprised to find you've had your access taken away soon, as he bans innocent visitors in his attempts to find us.
And if you saw or indeed posted the spam he speaks of, let us know what it is. We missed it ourselves.
I especially like this line: "He'll probably go and start a spoof site, blog or even another LFC site to rival us." Quick bit of news Duncan – there's already plenty of each, and the links are there too now for anyone who didn't know.
Dunk's concern for Lauren is so great that the new website he set up for her has been updated three times this year. It's exactly the same software as he uses for his blog, yet he's updated it just three times. One of those three times was purely to plug his new-look Koktalk.coN. The latest update was almost a month ago, and we're pretty certain he's not even looked at that website since then. We can tell you see (now he'll have to go and have a look to see if he can tell how we know). It's that image that makes us laugh more than any other – the fat git spitting doughnuts all over his monitor as he suddenly realises we've got him again.
His concern for his kids has been touched on in this blog more than once. He complains he doesn't see them during the week, so when he gets access to them at weekends what does he do? Spends the whole weekend either out on the booze or recoovering from being out on the booze.
His decision to tell us all about him buying booze for his underage drinking pal was probably a bit silly too. Judging from what people have been sending us emails about he's being closely watched at the moment. Would have been wise to keep it quiet. Not that he's all that bothered – he's posted a picture and a video of him getting his chum bladdered. It doesn't particularly bother us either to be truthful, it's just a bit silly to be boasting about it at a time when you've so many eyes on you. The pictures to the right, the (awful) video is on YouTube, like a lot of his dodgy videos – drunk kid on YouTube.
Again, it's good to hear him saying that he enjoys this blog – that means everybody who reads it enjoys it, and makes it all the more worthwhile keeping it going.
By the way – thanks everyone for your comments and emails – we do read them all and we do appreciate them. And we'll not be selling or even giving away your details unlike some chubby person based in Newcastle.