As Lauren recovers from illness, I treat myself

The fat one gets more and more repulsive every day. Yes, you'd think there'd finally come a day when he couldn't get more repulsive, but he somehow keeps managing to. A few days ago he was telling his readers all about the hardship being suffered by his cousin Lauren. Begging that someone would help her to raise money so she can be treated to a special bike to help her to get more out of life. His attempts at getting his readers to give their last pennies to his family would be admirable, if he wasn't so blatantly flaunting his ill-gotten gains.

Today's blog update is all about his new system to help him sit on his arse and watch TV even more than he already does. He enjoys telling us all about his new Multi Sat System + Sky HD being installed. Remember we pointed out his watching of subscription channels from overseas on this is illegal – well he's now boasting about downloading pirate videos off the net. Whether you agree or not with downloading pirate videos off the net is up to you, we point it out as another example of how this overweight bloater enjoys stealing content from the internet.

Not only has he got an expensive system at "Koptalk HQ" (his auntie's garage), he's also got one put in at home now.  He talks of how he is able to pick up a German music channel, and says, "as I can speak German it aint no probs for me understanding the lingo. All those bloody Sky channels and I end up watching the bloody Hitler youth!" So that's the German people who read his sites thought of with a lot of care then. I'm sure they'll be pleased to be referred to in that way. Maybe someone will tell them…
He's also getting Sky HD, which is an extra expense for someone who regularly claims to be fighting to keep the wolves from the door and of course continues to beg money (sent to him) for his sick relatives. Money's not a problem to him at the moment though: "I pre-ordered it ages ago which is a good job as the waiting list is now around 3 months. I wanted it in before the World Cup kicked off so I rejected an offer from Sky to have the installation put off until July in return for £20. They moved the install date by 2 days and already gave me £20 but I want the bloody thing for the footy so there's no way I'd accept £200 never mind £20!" No – money's no object. Of course had he been offered £200 he'd have been able to pay for Lauren's bike, but why should he? His loyal readers can do that. What would be good would be if Sky treated his pre-order with the same urgency as he treated his book pre-orders. Three years late now is it Dunkie?

He then tells us how much he's in a bad way (cue violins again) : "I've been badly AGAIN this week! This time I've had a chest infection and of course me eyes have been playing up." Is that why he needs the 60" screen – bad eyesight? There you go Dunk – if you hadn't thought of that you've now got a way of begging for more money from your mugs. Sorry, readers.

Still, his eyes don't stop him watching that TV: "I've watched tons of films recently thanks to the net. Tonight I'm gonna watch The Da Vinci Code."  He's also downloaded some horror movies for his daughter: "I've also obtained some scary films for Charlotte." A week after planning to leave his kids alone in a London hotel room he now admits to letting them watch films they aren't old enough to watch. What a dad.

No updates from the actual insider site itself tonight – the chubby one completely missed the Fernando Morientes transfer. We'll let you know if he turns out to be right about Nicolas Anelka though.

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