Latest lies from Britain’s biggest fattest liar

Dunk’s not well. So he said on the shoutbox earlier today. I didn’t bother cutting and pasting it this time. Maybe he isn’t well. Actually if anyone’s bored enough you could start reeling off some his many claimed medical complaints as a comment to this post.

I’d be unwell if I’d done what he’s done. He’s stolen money from his disabled cousin – although some are now starting to wonder if his cousin’s family are also in on the scam. There’s no doubt she’s disabled, there’s no doubt she had a benefit match played for her by Scarborough Ladies FC, but there’s no proof of where the money went from the long-standing appeals on Koptalk. I don’t think her family are in on it but I think they know about this blog now.

I found Lauren’s home address months ago, but never revealed it to anyone. It took me minutes to find it, from information freely available on the internet. I’ve got her parents’ home phone number. I sometimes wonder whether to use it, but I always play safe on that matter. If Lauren and her family are completely unaware of how Dunk had collected tens of thousands of pounds “for Lauren” then they don’t need to be told the news by an anonymous caller like me. Then again, that might be preferable to being told the news by reading it on the internet.

I also found Lauren’s Bebo site months ago. Bebo is a place where people who can’t write in English all hang out together. It’s aimed at teenagers from what I can gather. It seems it’s a bannable offence to use a word longer than four letters. Even four-letter words are shortened. Txt spk was invented for people who had to use their numeric keypads on their mobile phones to send a message of a very limited number of letters. Anyone using it on a full keyboard in a space where there’s no practical limit on the number of letters for a message is mad. And they all seem to hang out on Bebo.

I didn’t reveal Lauren’s Bebo site’s address – for one thing I didn’t want anyone contacting her through it, but also it had the potential to be a useful resource. I got hold of some of the images from there, including the one of Dunk’s mam. They appeared on the blog ages ago. It must have really, really wound Dunk up not knowing where I’d got these photos from. Now you know though hey Dunk? I thought that one day I might get some information from the various comments on the site, but most of it is just meaningless nonsense from teenagers to teenagers. Reminds me very much of the Koptalk shoutbox when 17 year old Katrina (aka Katie) is chatting to 17 year old Steve.

Lauren’s Bebo site was closed down yesterday, not long after Katrina had closed hers down. Well, Katrina’s was completely removed, Lauren’s was amended so it was only visible to “friends”. Now seeing as Lauren was in hospital, who blocked it? It’s not a coincidence. Dunk and co must have told either Lauren or her parents that the site needed to be closed. Did they lie to Lauren’s family, or did they tell them the truth? If Dunk has been stealing from Lauren he can’t possibly tell Lauren’s family that this blog was the reason her Bebo page now needed closing. I hope one of Lauren’s friends lets her know about the blog – it’s only a matter of time before they do. Then I hope Lauren can deal with Oldham. Let’s see if he’ll finally sell that car and pay up then.

It seems that there has been another mini-revolution at Koptalk. Three moderators have suddenly left. “Ice Queen”, “Shelly” and “Stuart Morse”. Rich Tea is still there, trying to score with 17-year-old Katrina and so are JD and Broccoli – the rest of the mods and admins are all Dunk’s family members. Except Smoove, who’s just his gullible sheep-like “friend” from New York.

I don’t know why this happened, but this shoutbox entry might give us a clue:

I can’t believe how many lies Dunk’s managed to fit into these few words. I’ve unfortunately not got what was said before or after.

Is someone else having a go at Dunk? Someone is trying to blackmail him he says. “Young lads” too. That’s not me, I’m actually older than the fat one. I’ve made no threats, other than what you’ve seen here. Threats to report the Lauren money to the police? Is that what he means?

I also like his contradiction. The prat says “young lads” and then says “they’ve even been posing as a teenager trying to chat to my kids”! Hang on – “young lads” pretty much means “teenager”. Dunk – you are thick. You can’t lie on the spot without tripping yourself up.

And I know I’ve certainly not been trying to chat to his kids. I’ve not even tried to chat to the kids he employs. So who has? And how did they get the details for his kids? Email addresses and so on? Unless they are using the most obvious email addresses (theirname@koptalk.com) I don’t see how anyone can get near to chat to his kids.

But that takes us back to his obsession with paedophillia and grooming.

And if potential paedophiles were trying to groom any of my kids I’d certainly not be saying, “they don’t concern me in the slightest, I’m flattered.” People who’ve heard me speak on this issue before know about how I feel on this issue, and they know why I feel so strongly. It sickens me, and if Dunk’s kids had been approached in this way he’d feel the same way. Unless he didn’t care at all about his kids. It’s bullshit, again, from the “man” who can’t stop linking his kids to being victims of crimes of a sexual or violent nature.
Shelly is wondering what Dunk is guilty of. What’s someone got against him that they can blackmail him with? “Ste” (not ST3) rightly asks – why not go to the police. I’ve no idea what happens next, but I’m betting this was the cause of Shelly’s exit. I expect a discussion took place between her and the other two mods and off they went. They finally realised what they were continuing to be a part of.

On a less sinister note Dunk seems to be up to no good with his ticket giveaways. After announcing winners for the two Arsenal game last week, a certain blog writer pointed out how Liverpool FC would stop him buying any more tickets if they found he was using them against the rules as an enticement to join his £30-a-year-bullshit club. The threads were quickly removed, and soon afterwards he was posting a plea for someone to sell him more tickets to give away. At least it shows he actually was giving tickets away to a real person.

Unlike the second lot. They didn’t go to a real person it seems. You see Dunk had a six-page thread full of people saying “I’m in” as entrants for his comp. It was going to be “draw” on Saturday, but it wasn’t actually “drawn” until Monday. Someone called “careym” was the winner, but Dunk had forgot to actually enter that username in the comp! Here’s a look at all the posts for the previous seven days by “careym” – click for screenshot. This was before Dunk deleted the competition thread. He deleted the competition thread after this had been pointed out to him.

The competition thread started like this:

#65766 – 05/01/07 01:36 PM More free tickets for Liverpool v Arsenal (League Cup)
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
****

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 14426     We’ve bought some more free tickets to give-away on the site.

Basically we have two tickets seated together to give-away from for the match against Arsenal on Tuesday 9th January. At this time we do not know what area of the stadium they are in.

As with all ticket draws, give-aways etc, the tickets are not yet in our hands so if they don’t show at our office due to the post, we’ll have to pull the offer. The minute they arrive we’ll update this thread accordingly so you can enter as normal right now.

Because of the time limits we’re going to run this as a draw. All you need to do is reply to this thread with “I’m in” or similar.

The winner will be drawn at random by my son Robbie (7) before 12 noon on Saturday 6th January.

The winner will need to claim the tickets on site within 1 hour of us announcing the winner.

We will try and contact the winner by email and telephone. If we cannot get hold of the winner, a new winner will be drawn every 15 minutes until someone claims them. It’s not the way we like to do the draws but time is against us and we need to get them posted out.

Good luck!

PS: If you have tickets for fixtures that you can’t attend, we may buy them off you at face value to GIVE-AWAY FREE on the site. This means for every ticket we purchase from a member, they are then posted on the site as a give-away for the seller to see for themselves. This helps you and also gives another member something to smile about. Contact steve@koptalk.com if you’re ever stuck for shifting tickets.

And I suppose Dunk wouldn’t dream of doing any touting of tickets either.

The prize winner was announced like this…

#68662 – Today at 11:59 AM Winner of the 2nd Liverpool v Arsenal tickets draw
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
****

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 14426     This is the 2nd give-away for this fixture. Someone already won the first pair of tickets, this is for a 2nd pair.

The tickets MUST go out next day delivery today (guaranteed before 9am) so the winner MUST come forward immediately by posting here. He/she must then call Steve on 07962 367 537 to confirm their details.

The winner is careym

Dunk – how could you be so stupid as to forget to include the alias’s entry? Oh I forgot – you are just totally stupid. At least you remembered to log on and pretend you’d claimed them.

 #68730 – Today at 12:59 PM Re: Winner of the 2nd Liverpool v Arsenal tickets draw [Re: Dunk]
careym careym
Gold Member
****

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 459
Loc: Redhill     

have just contacted Steve and claimed the tickets.

Cheers Dunk 

Again, thick Dunk’s lies trip him up.

Like this one did. He’d seen my dig about his mum’s decision to not bother going to see Lauren until Sunday. Lauren’s in hospital, Dunk’s mam (who had loads of cheques written out to her “for Lauren”) couldn’t be bothered going straight away. She finally fitted her in on Sunday night, so nice of her.

It made me laugh when I saw Dunk’s quick response to my dig…

#68602 – Today at 10:54 AM Re: Lauren [Re: Kop_5]
Dunk Dunk Administrator
KopTalk.com
****

Registered: 20/08/04
Posts: 14426
Mum went last night, the first night that anyone other than her mum and dad could visit. Lauren has lost a lot of weight and is very poorly but she is a little better than when she first went in. She’s having antibiotics fed straight into her.

She’s upbeat, chatty etc and wants to go home but she won’t be going anywhere just yet. That’s all for now
- – - – - – - – - – -

So way back when Lauren first went in hospital, when she still didn’t have a diagnosis, the hospital still managed to set up a timetable for which visitors could visit when? They didn’t know if Lauren was going to be going home the next morning or was to be in for weeks, but they knew how to allocate visiting times to different people! My arse Oldham, you are such a crap liar. Who cares what excuse your mum had for not going? She helped you steal from Lauren’s collection, that’s far worse than her deciding she’ll get her hair done instead of visiting, or whatever other excuse there was. You need to work on your excuse for that, not your excuse for why she put bingo before so-called loved ones!

Dunk’s lies will keep this blog going until he finally hangs up that keyboard. And I’ve a load more of his lies I’ve saved in recent times. That’ll have to do for now though.

Classic transfer gossip

Transfer windows. Love ‘em or hate ‘em they come round twice a year and drive any football fan mad.

This one looks to be a fairly quiet one for Liverpool really. The funding from DIC won’t be in place before the trasnfer window ends, but indications are that Rafa has been offered some funds for this window if he needs them. Mascherano might join, if the Reds can persuade FIFA to acknowledge their rules might be doing a footballer a lot more harm than good. A touch of legal pressure might help persuade them. Lucas Neill is being mentioned a lot of course, and Rafa as always is looking out for youngsters. For more transfer news go to a Liverpool site – we’re just a blog that tries to expose the lies and cons of one particular Liverpool site.

The summer window is going to be different though I’m sure. For one thing it’s longer. The speculation begins before the window opens, which is on the last day of the season. So from mid-May until August 31st stories are spread and rumours are blown out of proportion.

In 2005 Liverpool fan’s summer transfer window fun revolved around Steven Gerrard and Michael Owen. Gerrard nearly went to Chelsea, shirts were burned, hair was torn out, hearts were broken then fixed, soon Gerrard was signing a new deal, alongside fellow scouser and fellow academy graduate Jamie Carragher. Shortly afterwards the rumours that Michael Owen could be coming back to Anfield so soon after leaving turned out to be almost true. Liverpool were trying to sign him, but weren’t going to be ripped off.

This particular story ran right the way to the wire. It was right at the end of the window before Owen finally passed his medical and got paraded in front of thousands of Geordies on Sky Sports. Did they not have jobs to go to?

There’s little doubt that Owen would have preferred to come back to Anfield, and that if he’d been prepared to take a chance he would have almost certainly got his wish. Liverpool wanted him, but wouldn’t pay £17 million for him. Figures varied, and my memory is fading, but I think the rumoured top offer made by the Reds was £12 million. I’m sure someone will correct me on this.

How did Koptalk deal with this story? Or Caboodlenetwork as they were pretending to be back then? Well at that stage Newcastle season ticket holder Dunk had started running his Newcastle website, upthetoon.com. So he was able to pretend to be himself on Koptalk, and to be whoever it was he pretended to be when he was writing stuff for the Newcastle site.

I didn’t actually see Koptalk’s coverage when it was all going on. I’ve no memories of it, so I assume I was by then looking at other sites for my inside information. Other sites actually have some, unlike Koptalk. I also spent some time watching Sky Sports News, which was following Owen around the North East as he wandered around stately homes up there.

Dunk was no doubt watching it too, but back in those days where nobody really bothered putting him under any scrutiny he was in his element.

Looking at the archives, you can find bits and pieces of evidence of his lies all over the place. “Anfield Mole” was one of his lies – he wanted everyone to believe that this was someone from inside the club. At one point he tried to claim it was Danny Murphy, only changing this when he was shown up the day Danny Murphy left Anfield. The scoop for that story went to www.liverpoolway.co.uk who had been tipped off about Murphy saying his goodbyes at Melwood. Oldham was the last to know. Considering he’d tried to make out Murphy was one of his best mates, it was quite odd to say the least that Oldham didn’t know what had happened. I’ve no idea who the Anfield Mole turned into next, but Oldham never had any mates at Anfield. The closest he got was when he paid the still teenaged Ritchie Partridge to be his mate, but that’s another story.

In the archives Dunk’s got a teaser on his site at the end of August 2005 – “Anfield Mole reveals 1-2-1 with Owen”. A made up tale no doubt, and the archive don’t reveal what the story behind the teaser was, but Dunk had plenty of these bullshit headlines back then.

After watching Sky Sports, and reading other sites, he had this update…

KopTalk can reveal that Real Madrid striker Michael Owen has remained in the north east following his talks with Newcastle United this afternoon.

Having witnessed the former Liverpool ace arrive at Newcastle airport by private jet, we then followed Owen and his representatives to a Northumberland hotel along with a crew from Sky Sports. It was at this hotel that Owen’s agent agreed personal terms with Newcastle.

We understand that Newcastle are offering the player around £20,000-a-week more than Liverpool but money isn’t the motivating factor for the striker who wants to be playing football in the run-up to the World Cup Finals.

Following the talks Owen was whisked away in a vehicle with darkened out windows to be entertained at Alan Shearer’s residence this evening. Newcastle United chairman Freddy Shepherd then left the hotel in a Range Rover and headed back to St. James’ Park with other club executives and they remain there at the time of this update.

Owen met Liverpool officials this morning but according to our source at Anfield, nothing was finalised to enable a transfer to Liverpool to go ahead before the August 31st deadline with work still to be done.

Our source told us: “Michael met the three of them this morning (Parry, Moores, Benitez) and was basically told that the club do want to sign him but that they will not be held to ransom by Real Madrid over the transfer fee.

“Liverpool are owed just short of £4million by Real Madrid and are prepared to wipe that debt and pay £6million in cash for him. This falls £7million short of what Newcastle have offered Real.

“The meeting was slightly subdued with Rafa continually asking Michael about why he was planning to talk to Newcastle officials in the afternoon. Michael explained that he was going to Newcastle as it was ‘the right thing to do’.

“If Real Madrid accept Liverpool’s offer then Michael will undergo a medical at Melwood and will sign for the club before the deadline.

“It is purely down to Real Madrid and Liverpool now. If they fail to agree a fee then it would appear that Michael will be a Newcastle player with his club already having agreed a transfer fee.”

Sources at our sister site www.upthetoon.com believe that talks today were about a permanent deal and not a loan move as was first mooted. They say that Owen was impressed by Newcastle’s facilities and general set-up but still wants a move to Anfield.

A typical Oldham story. Pick up whatever you can from the news or other LFC websites, add a few bits you’ve just made up that you know won’t ever be checked and you’ve got a story. Add too some “this might happen, if this other thing happens” type lines, which you’ll be able to claim as proof of your contacts actually existing if they turn out right. And dismiss without a worry if they turn out wrong.

Like I was once, I’m sure a lot of people who read that tale were gullible enough to believe him.

All kinds of stories were circulating at the time – here’s a bit of what the Daily Post was saying back then:

Liverpool table bid as net closes on Owen
Aug 30 2005

By Ian Doyle Daily Post Staff

LIVERPOOL yesterday held talks with Michael Owen as they prepared to bring the striker back to Anfield.

Owen and his representative met with Liverpool chief executive Rick Parry and manager Rafael Benitez after Real Madrid confirmed the European Cup winners had joined Newcastle United in tabling a bid for the 25-year-old.

Liverpool’s opening offer is of a one-year loan deal with a view to a permanent £8million move – the same amount they received from Madrid for Owen last August – half the value of Newcastle’s £16m offer.

Owen is determined to return to Liverpool and is prepared to take a substantial cut in wages to realise the transfer.

Now the Anfield club face a race against time to complete a deal before the transfer window closes tomorrow night, with Madrid understood to be willing to allow the player to depart provided they can at least recoup their initial outlay.

That would make Liverpool favourites to claim the striker’s signature, despite Newcastle’s higher bid.

However, with Real seeking funds to sign Sevilla defender Sergio Ramos, the Spaniards could yet demand Liverpool drop their request for an initial loan spell leaving Liverpool facing a day of hard bargaining.

After meeting with Benitez and Parry, Owen travelled north to Newcastle, who have had their offer already accepted by Madrid and are willing to give the striker the option to leave after 12 months.

The Magpies underlined their determination to lure the forward to St James’ Park by including his former England striker partner Alan Shearer in discussions which also involved Newcastle manager Graeme Souness, chairman Freddy Shepherd and his son Kenny, and coach Dean Saunders.

Madrid vice-president Emilio Butragueno confirmed they had received two bids from English clubs for Owen, the second of which was discussed by the Bern-abeu board yesterday.

But Butragueno said: “If Owen doesn’t want to join a particular club after we have accepted a bid then he will stay and fight for Real. We can review the situation in January or at the end of the season if nothing happens this week.”

Rafael Benitez could raise finances by selling Djibril Cisse, with the Liverpool manager considering offers for the two-goal UEFA Super Cup hero. And Marseille president Pape Diouf has reiterated his club’s interest in the 23-year-old and believes a deal is still possible. “It’s complicated with Cisse,” said Diouf. “But this is not over.

“I am waiting to see how things go but as I have always said, it’s a complicated situation.”

Lyon, though, are unlikely to follow up their enquiries about Cisse and team-mate Florent Sinama-Pongolle after yesterday signing Brazilian striker Fred for £10.2million from Cruzeiro.

Meanwhile, over on his Newcastle site, Dunk was plugging his Liverpool site…

Aug 30 2005, 11:10 AM
Owen agrees Personal terms.

Our sister site www.koptalk.com (http://www.koptalk.com/) are reporting that Real Madrid striker Michael Owen has remained in the north east following his talks with Newcastle United this afternoon.

Having witnessed the former Liverpool ace arrive at Newcastle airport by private jet, KopTalk staff then followed Owen and his representatives to a secret location. It was at this hotel that Owen’s agent agreed personal terms with chairman Freddy Shepherd.

Following the talks Owen was whisked away in a vehicle with darkened out windows to be entertained at Alan Shearer’s residence this evening. Newcastle United chairman Freddy Shepherd then left the hotel in a Range Rover and headed back to St. James’ Park with other club executives.

Owen met Liverpool officials this morning but according to a KopTalk.com source, nothing was finalised to enable a transfer to Liverpool to go ahead before the August 31st deadline with work still to be done.

The source told KopTalk.com: “Michael met the three of them this morning (Parry, Moores, Benitez) and was basically told that the club do want to sign him but that they will not be held to ransom by Real Madrid over the transfer fee.

“Liverpool are owed just short of £4million by Real Madrid and are prepared to wipe that debt and pay £6million in cash for him. This falls £7million short of what Newcastle have offered Real.

“The meeting was slightly subdued with Rafa continually asking Michael about why he was planning to talk to Newcastle officials in the afternoon. Michael explained that he was going to Newcastle as it was ‘the right thing to do’.

“If Real Madrid accept Liverpool’s offer then Michael will undergo a medical at Melwood and will sign for the club before the deadline.

“It is purely down to Real Madrid and Liverpool now. If they fail to agree a fee then it would appear that Michael will be a Newcastle player with his club already having agreed a transfer fee.”

UpTheToon.com sources claim that the talks today were about a permanent deal and not a loan move as was first mooted. Owen was impressed by Newcastle’s facilities and general set-up but has indicated that Anfield still remains his first option.

If Owen doesn’t get his move to Anfield then we expect him to make the switch to St. James’ Park. At least the player has been honest and upfront about where his loyalties are rather than just playing interested clubs off each other to try and secure a better deal.

Owen’s jet remains at Newcastle airport…

*** Thanks to KopTalk.com for the use of the photos which they took earlier today ***

Dunk thanks himself again. He’ll have written this pretending to be “Barry” if I’m not mistaken. Even as “Barry” it’s full of “if this happens then this other thing will happen, if not the other one will, and I’ll be right either way” type statemements!

A week earlier Oldham was giving us all the benefits of his views on Owen. He seemed to be finding it hard to admit how much he was hoping that Owen would be joining his beloved Toon army…

The Editor

24th August 2005

Owen would be a legend at Newcastle

Nobody wants Michael Owen at Anfield more than me. We’re desperate for an experienced and proven hitman and St Mike fits the bill. But in all honesty if I was Michael Owen I’d snub Anfield and I’d sign for Newcastle United.

Newcastle are a massive club. They have won nothing of real interest but there’s no doubting the potential that club has. I have loads of friends up in the north east, I even have family who live a stone’s throw from St James’ Park, I even have two season tickets at Newcastle – shocked? You shouldn’t be because when I put in an appearance at any town or city around the country, I’ll call in to the nearest football ground to see a match. The amount of neutral games I have been to, especially in recent years, is amazingly high but they’re great fun to go to.

Because I was spending a lot of time in Newcastle I put my name down on the season ticket waiting list for a bit fo fun really, never expecting to hear anything for years. To my surprise I was offered two tickets within a year and they’re bloody great seats, just 5 rows behind one of the goals. They’re not as good as my seats at Anfield where I cheer on my beloved Reds and no, I don’t support Newcastle, I just have an interest and a knowledge about the way things happen there. Even the lads around us at St James’ know I’m a Red and when they netted right in front of me last time around I certainly came in for some stick. I know you probably think I’m mad but I just love football and if I can squeeze a few extra games in when Liverpool aren’t in action then what’s wrong with that?

Anyway, like Liverpool fans, Newcastle fans are very, very passionate about their football and of course their team. They should be a team challenging year in, year out but unfortunately it never seems to click for them. The Keegan era was fantastic and like most neutrals, I wanted them to win the League that year when Kev had his “just love it if we beat them” outburst. But it wasn’t to be.

So what about Michael Owen? Well I want him at Anfield, of course I do but if he has to go somewhere else, I hope it’s Newcastle because I tell you what, he’d love it there. He’d be idolised at St. James’ Park, much more than he ever was at Anfield. Like Shearer, he’d become a legend but like Shearer, he could end up with no winners medals. If he wants to be loved unconditionally then St James’ Park and not Anfield is the place for him to be.

If I was Michael Owen I’d opt for Newcastle purely because I’d be happy playing for 50,000+ fans who appreciated me week in, week out. At Liverpool the Kop cared more about the petulant Robbie Fowler frozen out in the stands (following a run-in with Phil Thompson) than they did a younger, fitter, leaner more professional Michael who was delivering on the pitch. No wonder Michael got upset when the Kop rarely sang his name.

The thought of playing for Freddy Shepherd wouldn’t excite me though. Instead I’d rather be playing under the wing of David Moores at Anfield. It’d be great for Michael to line-up alongside Alan Shearer but that’s come too late to make it worthwhile. Instead I’m sure he’d rather be playing back at Anfield with his best pal Jamie Carragher, fighting for silverware with Steven Gerrard rather than fighting down the Bigg Market with the likes of Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer. If Newcastle had a more professional offering then I think Michael wouldn’t hesitate to join them on a permanent basis. But with a bit of effort on everyone’s part at L4, Michael could become the club’s all-time greatest striker.

Michael was wrong to walk out on Liverpool based on our European success. He’d need to win over a few die-hards to repair that bond if he was to return but some fans should also ask themselves if they contributed to his exit in the first place.

Who’ll score the most goals and sell the most shirts? Peter Crouch or Michael Owen? Djibril Cisse or Michael Owen? Fernando Morientes or Michael Owen? Florent Sinama Pongolle or Michael Owen? Neil Mellor or Michael Owen?

Don’t let Michael become a legend at another club….

YNWA

JOIN ME AND THE REST OF THE LADS EVERY DAY IN THE KOPTALK GOLD CLUB

Oh please, please can we join you?

Actually a month earlier he’d got a totally different topic in mind when he wrote his editorial:

The Editor

30th July 2005

YNWA Doc

Two days ago I lost a friend. He was very close to me, I’d known him for 30 years yet I knew very little about him. I’m destroyed at his death as a part of me and my family has gone forever. He was one of a handful of links to those who had already died e.g. my grandparents. He was the only person who made me laugh when I was feeling down. He was the only person that could criticise me without getting a thump on the end of his nose. He was the only man who could get away with telling me off. He was the only man who’d ever instructed me to remove my clothes and he was the only man who had seen me cry. He knew just about everything about me yet I knew nothing about him. Who is, or was he?

My GP, Dr Dipankar Sengupta.

But why am I telling you this? To be honest I don’t know. Well I’m usually the bearer of such happy news so why change the habit of a life-time! Seriously, I don’t know why I’m telling you about my GP, I suppose it’s because he was a fantastic bloke. As I type this I keep feeling the urge to shed a tear but with the kids hovering around me, I guess I’ll try not to big him up too much or I’ll be on the floor.

Now before anyone takes offence, I have to refer to him in a particular way for you to get a true idea of what the guy was like. Well to begin with he wasn’t white. His skin was very dark. He was the first non-white person I ever saw and where we lived in North Yorkshire, the only black people you’d ever see were the coal men. I can remember him when I was about 4 or 5 years old coming to my nans when I was sick. He’d pull up in his motor and walk in with his case of magic. He was a big guy who like me, enjoyed his food. He spoke in a funny manner. “Well ‘ello Duncan. What can I do for you today my son,” – he’d speak very fast, so fast that it took ages to understand what he’d actually said. If he hadn’t been a doctor, he’d of been an ideal corner shop trader. Do you know what I mean without offending anyone? It’s so hard to explain without someone getting on my case.

All through my life he looked after me. He knew everyone in my family. As I grew older I obviously started to see him on my own without the need of a parent by my side. I remember when I was a teenager he had a heart-attack and was off work for some time. The next time I visited him when he was back at work, he sat me down and went into a rage with me. “You too bloody fat!” he shouted. “Look at me, I nearly died, now I eat good and instead of picking up the phone to the receptionist to send people in, I walk and get them myself. Now you no bloody doctor but you get fit!” He lost all of his weight, I’m still trying!
Only these two could put a smile on my face the next time I visit the surgery…

About ten years ago my Uncle, an ardent Leeds United fan, went through a bad spell in his life. His mum, my nan, died of cancer in 1992 and he hit the drugs quite a bit. Not street drugs but prescription drugs such as Temazepam and Diazepam. During a low spell while at the surgery with the doc, he stole a prescription pad from his desk. He then went on a spree of writing himself prescriptions for these drugs. Basically they just calmed him down, he wasn’t a druggie in the sense of a smack head or acid freak, people for whom I have no time for. He was simply depressed and in need of some help. Anyway, one day the police swooped on a chemist he was in when the staff became suspicious. They arrested him and my uncle denied everything and said Dr Sengupta had written the prescriptions and had altered a couple of the genuine prescriptions. The police took him to the surgery and walked him into Sengupta’s room. “Is it true what he says? Did you write these prescriptions, is this your handwriting?” To everyone’s amazement Sengupta said “Yes, they are mine. I prescribed these drugs”. The police were speechless and my Uncle was released without charge. But boy, did he get it when he returned to the surgery alone! “You bloody thieving get!” he told him. “A typical Leeds United fan causing trouble!”

Another time my mum visited the doctor. She, like me, had witnessed a large number of consecutive deaths in our family in a very short time including of course the suicide of my father. She asked Sengupta for some sleeping tablets and something to calm her nerves. “No, I won’t give you them,” he said. “Your brother is already crazy with them. Get Duncan to buy you some. He’s young, he’ll know where to buy them for you!” When she told me I cracked up laughing. “The cheeky sod,” I told her. Thankfully she had pointed out I was no junkie but that was the doctors style. Cheeky, informal and to the point. None of this PC bullshit that we’re exposed to today. He was old skool.

So the rest of the family have suffered from depression but what about me? Well what do you think? Of course as the youngest with no brothers or sisters to confide in, I struggled to cope especially through the 1990’s. Even today I’m on long term anti-depressants but as half the country is, it doesn’t concern me. I used to sit with the doc and he’d say, “Hey look at me Duncan. Now we have computers too. Do you think I could run a website?”. You have no idea how funny that was considering he was an old man who spent hours looking for the print key when you needed a prescription printing off. Was he doing this to put a smile on my face? Was he more clever than I gave him credit for?

“You know your bloody problem, you too blody fat” – the usual line. “Get on the scales…. oh no no no…. Duncan… too many ciders and keebabs… stop or you be dead in no time”. Christ I was well built but not too bad. “Sit bloody there” he’d say. “Right you need to lose weight and get fit.” I’d tell him it was all very well and good saying go for a walk but when you run a site like this you have to be around to monitor the news feeds. He knew I worked around the clock and put in around 17 or 18 hours a day. “It’s too bloody much. You need to hang a sign on the monitor for your readers saying ‘Gone for a walk, back in 30 minutes. They’ll understand” – oh my god, I cracked up there and then! “A successful business is no good if you’re dead,” – that was also one of his favourites. Of course he was right.

When Liverpool were going through that bad spell under Houllier he used to say things like, “Oh hello Duncan, do come in and sit down. I take it you need Prozac?” He’d sit down and act all serious. “So do you need some counselling?” I used to say “very funny, well played doc”. “That bloody Houllier. You need some English players and not Emile Heskey. What has he done to Liverpool?” In fact I remember doing an editorial about one visit to see the doc when he pointed out to me that he was a football fan and followed no team in particular but that he’d always admired Liverpool and their approach to football. He said we were finished and that it was sad to see.

Truth be told my visits to the doctors over the last five or six years have really been more about football than any actual problems I may have been having. He’d invite me in, talk about what was wrong and then diagnose me within seconds. Because of his voice you could never understand what he was asking so you just nodded when he asked a question, you could have been prescribed anything! As soon as that was out of the way, a minute or two later, he’d sit back and talk about Liverpool for a good 5 or 10 minutes. “So Duncan.. what’s happening?” he would ask and I’d do my best to keep him in the picture.

I must tell you one more thing but this isn’t football related. One day I told him I was feeling very low. As usual he told me it was because I was too fat and that I was working too hard. As usual he just sent me packing but before I left he said, “Duncan, you know how these things bloody work” and he reached into his top pocket and pulled out a chunky Nokia. “I need you to text my son. Put ‘Thanks for the text I will see you later son’”. So I tapped away, gently laughing at him as I did it. “Good, good,” he said as I did it then suddenly he said “Stop! What are you doing you silly boy. Don’t put ‘later’ put ‘l8r’ and he will think he’s got a cool dad!” Again, I cracked up in laughter but we sent the text and the phone was returned to his top pocket. “Close the door on your way out Duncan” he quipped.

Dr Sengupta. A man that I will sadly miss. My life will never, ever be the same again. His family have lost a true gent and the community he served have lost a real friend. I never got to say goodbye and I feel as sad as I do when someone really close to me dies. That bond will never be created again. 30 years down the drain just like that… this is another reason why I can’t get excited any more about 11 overpaid footballers chasing a bag of wind around. Hopefully come the new season – because these qualifying rounds of the Champions League have bored me senseless – I’ll be up for it. But right now, I couldn’t care less if Liverpool FC folded.

YNWA Doc. I’ll never forget ya and I hope one day we’ll be re-united….

YNWA

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Finally, in this little trawl through the archives, is the gem-ridden lie-infested piece of nonsense. I guarantee you will have a little chuckle at least once as you read this editorial…

The Editor

20th July 2005

Parry ripped off (again)

I’m one of those supporters who are unhappy with the Peter Crouch transfer. I don’t dislike the player, infact I strangely welcome his addition to the squad because he’ll get goals and he’ll offer us other options. He’s even young and English. But what I am against though is the £7million transfer fee that has been quoted. I think it’s nothing short of a disgrace that we’ve coughed up this amount of money when you consider we received 8 poxy million pounds for Michael Owen.

Personally I would have preferred to see us spend a little extra on Dirk Kuyt and the fact that Michael Owen is available and we won’t pay the asking price (which I think is reasonable) is criminal – don’t believe the rumours that Rafa doesn’t rate him or like him, that’s just another internet myth. Players like Michael Owen are a rare thing and I can forgive and forget with regards the way he jumped ship. Re-signing him wouldn’t have been a gamble and it would certainly have gone down well with influential players like Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher.

If only someone could work out why Milan Baros has failed to reproduce that excellent form that he showed at Euro 2004. What a player he was then. He had a poor domestic season last time out but should he have been given this season to prove himself? Fair enough he hasn’t been sold yet but it’s no secret that he’s out of favour with Rafa.

You’ll probably diss me but rather than splash £7million on Crouch I’d have rather have seen someone like Andy Cole signed on a bloody free if we’re that bloody desperate. He’s the second highest goalscorer since the start of the Premier League in 1992-93 after Alan Shearer. Yes his best days are behind him and yes he’s ex-scum but it’ll be interesting to see how he fairs in comparison to Crouch next season taking into consideration those players around Crouch and those around Cole at Manchester City.

Seriously though, in fairness to Crouch his stats are pretty good but as Harry Redknapp said yesterday, nobody would have paid £700,000 for him a couple of seasons ago. Redknapp said he’ll get you goals but he also pointed out that Liverpool fans shouldn’t expect miracles from him. Well as a Liverpool fan I want my players to work miracles.

The odds are stacked against Crouch but I have this gut feeling that he could become a cult hero like Igor Biscan did. He’ll have my full support without question but for £7million I want more than just the odd away goal here and there.

Opinion in the Liverpool camp is also split but the general feeling is one of support for the manager. “He knows what he’s doing,” said one of the lads in an email to me last night. But I remember people saying that about Ged when Emile Heskey was signed, a player that we knew would get us goals but would never be able to replace Robbie Fowler. I just hope we’re not going down the same road because truth be told, Crouch isn’t worthy of lacing Michael Owen’s boots just like Emile wasn’t fit to lace Robbie’s (although these days Robbie isn’t fit enough to lace his own boots!).

Before I sign off I want to try and tempt you to join me in the KopTalk Gold Club. One of our Gold Club members has called every transfer well in advance of the names appearing in the media and guess what… we’re all waiting for the next one to come off. Figo you say? Well I expect Figo will come but the member has actually named someone else other than the Real Madrid ace! If it does come off he maintains his 100% success rate this summer along with another of our sources in the Gold Club! By joining the Insider or the Gold Club you’ll be able to see EXACTLY what’s going on down before the other sites copy and lift it and pass it off as their own. Join me, join us, we’re approaching 5,000 members now and the renewal rate stands at 97% – check out the latest feedback before parting with your cash and obtain more information at www.koptalkinsider.coN – it’s a family; a Liverpool family and we want you to be a part of it!

Why KopTalk? See www.anfieldexposed.com!

YNWA

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