Old and new toilet rumour

What’s going on at Koptalk right now? The new editor, Steve, is nowhere to be seen. Apart from on the picture posted by the Duncan after he’d put it through Photoshop the other day. No, the Editor (as the teenager is now titled) has got his feet up. The ex-editor (as the blobby one is now known) has to do all the work. Well, it is his hobby.

Part of his hobby is bullshit. Bullshit about why a member left. Bullshit about why a blogger may be motivated to expose his lies. Bullshit about why another member left. Actually, make that bullshit about why a shedload of members left. In fact, you’d not fit many of the recently departed members in a shed. Back to bullshit and that’s what I expect most of today’s stories will be from Mr Oldham.

KopTalkInsider.com   KopTalk Staff
Reged: Jul 28 2003
Officials heading to Holland to try and secure Kuyt transfer
#1590078 – Sat Aug 05 2006 01:02 PM

Numerous officials from various Premier League clubs are on their way to Holland to try and capture the signing of Feyenoord striker Dirk Kuyt.

The Liverpool target should play for Feyenoord against Middlesbrough on Sunday in a pre-season friendly and according to various newspaper reports today, the ‘Big Guns’ will all be in Holland to try and sell their clubs.

Newcastle United, Chelsea and Manchester United will all have representatives at the game but it’s not known if Liverpool will send anyone as we’re already favourites to land him having approached the negotiating table a lot earlier.

It is also claimed that the player has been given permission to check out Liverpool’s facilities while negotiations for his fee are ongoing but there is nothing to back up these claims at this time.

Despite a lot of paper talk, it would appear that only Liverpool have actually made any kind of formal approach, unless of course Feyenoord are keeping things ‘inhouse’.
- – - – - – - -

I’ve no idea where he’s got the above from. There’s a lot of stuff in the papers about Kuyt going to Newcastle, because Newcastle are playing in Holland this weekend. I’ve only found that out because I did a quick search of Google News for “Kuyt” and all the stories seemed to be about Duncan’s local team. Maybe there’s more of the story in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle.

Certainly Dunk wouldn’t have any other way of knowing about officials from Newcastle, Chelsea and Manchester United. He doesn’t know what officials from Liverpool are up to until he reads about it in the Echo (website not paper) or perhaps sees it on Sky Sports or hears it on TalkSport.
In other words, the only way he’s got access to more information than most readers of this blog is because he sits in a shed all day with his teenage step-brother playing on his X-Box with the TV or Radio on in the background. At night he plays “Let’s pretend” with Steve, his latest fad is Podcasting. He got the idea for that from us as well!

Whatever that story’s about, I’m 99.9% certain that this one is 100% made up. He put this on his site before the story above.

KopTalkInsider.com   KopTalk Staff
Reged: Jul 28 2003
Kuyt given permission to fly to Merseyside
#1590029 – Sat Aug 05 2006 12:19 PM

Feyenoord have given striker Dirk Kuyt permission to travel to Merseyside to check out Anfield and the Melwood facilities.

Liverpool hope to agree a transfer fee for the player within the next few days.

Usually a fee is agreed before a player is given permission to speak directly to an interested club so judging by Feyenoord’s decision it sounds like a deal may not me a million miles away in their eyes.

Chelsea continue to be linked with the player and their chief executive Peter Kenyon will have a chance to meet-up with Kuyt on Tuesday.

Liverpool have important dates with Maccabi Haifa and Chelsea coming up so opportunities to squeeze a visit in for Kuyt and his agent are tight but not impossible.

Although things look to be going ok, we’re not 100% convinved as things currently stand that Kuyt is in the bag. We won’t be convinced until we see him in a Liverpool shirt.

It should be an interesting week. Expect new names to be linked with us before the club head to Cardiff.
- – - – - – - -

Hang on Oldham, you told us that we’d be offering £9.4m for Kuyt yesterday. No agreeing transfer fees, but actually offering that amount to Feyenoord. Ok, you had your “wallet” dress on at the time, but it was still you. You weren’t making that up were you? Or are you trying to say that a fee has been agreed? Or are you just being as vague as ever, so that you can twist your words into some kind of success in the scoops league table you keep? Well, we’ve also got our counter up for you, and as I write this, your success rate for the season is….

A big. Fat. Zero. As they say on Sky.

It started off today, mid-morning, as Dunk started off his bullshit for today. He then went for some other sort of, well, not bullshit, but he loves to tell us about this on a Saturday. He told us about his visit to the bog when he was having a go at Rick Parry a few weeks back.

Dunk    Executive Editor
Reged: Aug 20 2004
Posts: 9013
Loc: KOPTALK
Kuyt given permission to visit Liverpool
#1589907 – Sat Aug 05 2006 10:38 AM
Dirk Kuyt has been given permission to visit Liverpool to see the Melwood facilities, Anfield etc.

Usually when a fee has been agreed, the player is then given permission to talk to the interested party. However, in this case, it would appear that no fee has been agreed at this time. Feyenoord officials have a strong relationship with the player and I expect this is why they have accepted his request “to take a look”.

I haven’t checked but I’m sure Feyenoord play tomorrow against Middlesbrough (correct me if I’m wrong as I’ve just got up!). Liverpool also have a busy week so fitting in a visit looks difficult to me but not impossible.

Although this sounds kind of positive, personally I’m not convinced that a deal is close. Obviously things can change dramatically within a few minutes in football and so can opinions, so I could have a complete change of heart by the next time I log on!

Peter Kenyon will get a chance to meet Kuyt on Tuesday… could we get him to Anfield for Wednesday’s match as a VIP guest?

I think it will be a busy week for the chief executive.

PS: Rival websites and members we’ve booted out like to knock our communities here… but I bet you that everyone of them that knock us will have this post copied and pasted on their own forums before I get back from the loo
- – - – - – - – -

He’s just got up, as he admits, and says that Liverpool have had permission to show Dirk Kuyt around the club’s facilities. So where’s he got this information from? It’s either a paper, or made up. As simple as that. Feyenoord have not given Liverpool permission to talk to the player though, so perhaps Duncan himself is actually going to show Kuyt around Melwood. Trouble is, just as Duncan’s claims to have insider contacts at Melwood is complete balls, so is this tale.

Why’s Duncan not arranged to be in Liverpool ready for the big event, with his new paparazzi camera, from his new van, which he’ll park outside his fully webcam-equippped house outside Melwood, formerly owned by Chrissie Waddle?

Why? Because he’s not got a paparazzi camera or van, nor has he got a house outside Melwood. Chris Waddle’s not got a house outside Melwood either. That still makes me laugh, wondering where he got that from. All his lies are crap, but that’s the crappest of crap lies.

I think Duncan actually has a Word Document at the ready with the following statement in – “Although this sounds kind of positive, personally I’m not convinced that a deal is close. Obviously things can change dramatically within a few minutes in football and so can opinions, so I could have a complete change of heart by the next time I log on!” How often does he say that? It says, to simplify it a little, “I think this might or might not happen.”

There’s bull in every sentence. Duncan’s bullshit is to Koptalk what hazelnuts are to Topic (that’s a choccy bar for our overseas readers). Look at this – “I haven’t checked but I’m sure Feyenoord play tomorrow against Middlesbrough (correct me if I’m wrong as I’ve just got up!).” I’d not be in the slightest bit surprised to find that the story about Newcastle being interested in Kuyt again is what he’d just read, and I expect that mentioned Feyenoord’s fixture. Bullshit in every sentence, as I say – because he had checked, one way or another!
Where does Peter Kenyon come into it?  “Peter Kenyon will get a chance to meet Kuyt on Tuesday… could we get him to Anfield for Wednesday’s match as a VIP guest? I think it will be a busy week for the chief executive.”  Which Chief Exec Oldham? Kenyon, Shephard, Parry?
Now though, as a post-script, Oldham adds the bit that he can’t resist adding. He’s still pissed-off beyond belief about this blog, about the fact that most of his members have now left as result (directly or indirectly) of this blog. Some members left a long time ago, and as he says set up their own sites. Maybe the one good thing about Duncan is that from his actions over the years so many really decent websites have been born. “PS: Rival websites and members we’ve booted out like to knock our communities here… but I bet you that everyone of them that knock us will have this post copied and pasted on their own forums before I get back from the loo”  Well I had looked at three different forums before writing this post, and none of them mentioned any of this bullshit. So unless he’s still on the loo, it’s yet another prediction not to come true from Oldham.
(Unless he means us, but this isn’t a forum).

A quick message for a poster called “Liverfool”. I think I’ve said this before, but stop living up to your name. Someone please tell him about the blog…

Liverfool  Gold Member
Reged: Jun 21 2004
Posts: 793
Loc: Manc Exile
Re: Kuyt given permission to visit Liverpool  [Re: Dunk]
#1589926 – Sat Aug 05 2006 10:50 AM
Cheers Dunk. Let the moaners suck our (A smiley bearing its bottom appeared here) Jealousy is a rife amongst the ignorant!

I’d be very happy with Kuyt’s signing, but think that if Rafa really wanted him it should be wrapped up by now. If we saved a fair few beans on Alves by buying Pennant why can that extra cash not be used to bring in Kuyt. I thought a sizeable bid for him had been made when we we’re bidding for Alves, so you’d reason there is now more cash for Dirk. Basic I know but seems logical!

Do you think Rafa might suprise us?

Ronaldo to L4
- – - – - – - -

Here’s some classic bullshit, very old classic bullshit, found on a search through the excellent resource (for me), www.archive.org. Dunk would love to be able to get that site closed down, along with the Google Groups website.

KopTalk’s often criticised for publishing articles that criticise the club, the manager or certain individuals. We’re often also criticised, only by a very, very small section of our readers, who tend to have mixed agendas anyway, for running things that we should maybe keep off the site because it could distract those concerned or raise awareness to something that should be kept quiet. I like to think that everyone visiting this site can read things as an adult should, make their own mind up and sensibly discuss the issue with other supporters without having to stamp their feet, spit their dummies out and make silly claims that KopTalk ‘picks on people’. If only the critics knew what stuff is not published. It’s still kept safe though as it’s my ‘Get of out jail free’ card should I need it all one day

I’d been handed documents relating to the latest major talking point, Owen’s so called £2million gambling spree. I was shown a lot of things last year and then over a four or five month period. I think it would be fair to say that I could have collected a few bob had I sold this stuff to the nationals. Even an Insider subscriber emailed me in the New Year to reveal some very sensitive information concerning not only this issue but other matters that some parents wouldn’t like to see our first team stars promote to their children.

To be honest, my opinions are mixed about this one. I decided not to publish anything about St. Mike’s so called gambling interests because I knew it would hit the media and I didn’t want to be the one that rocked the boat. Personally I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Michael should be able to spend his own money on what the hell he likes. As someone myself who likes a flutter for recreational purposes i.e. to have an interest in a sporting event, I don’t really see why the news should upset anyone. The only time it gets worrying is if he’s lumped on a major event and his arse starts nipping while wearing the Red shirt. A loss of confidence or a loss of £2000 on a 6/1 chance at Cheltenham! This is where people will raise concerns and possible connections.

Another thing that hit me is that Gerard Houllier has brushed the issue aside very quickly. Had it of been Robbie Fowler a couple of seasons back, you can be assured that Robbie would have been hung from the Shankly Gates.

The only advice I have for Michael is that if you’re going to have a bet, do it with BlueSquare!

Submit your views HERE about this article or your views in general about Liverpool FC.

I’m pretty sure a few blog readers remember this, and at the time maybe were still “believers” in Oldham’s bullshit. This article came a couple of years after his attacks on Robbie Fowler, who he effectively hounded out of the club. Or at least he tried to. “Close the door on your way out Robbie” was his view on the day he finally got rid of Robbie.

I also got sent some more recent bullshit, from one of the readers of the blog…

I was clearing out my mail box and found copies of a few of the updates from Koptalk over the last year or so, and thought you may be interested…

10 June 2005:

“LFC have transferred Euro 25m into one of their current accounts. As to the purpose of this transfer I am none the wiser but I do know that the last time they did this was the week before the signing of Nando. It could be to pay installments for Nando, Xabi, Luis or Cisse or it could be for new signings. Interestingly it was transferred in Euros rather than pounds so that would rule out any English based players for the moment.

I’ve also been informed that Rafas budget of Euro 30m (prior to sales) will rise to Euro 42m if we are granted CL qualification today. The gaffer will however only spend if his top targets become available and won’t settle for second best in this regard – a promise he has made to the board.”

—

22 June 2005

Having attended a brief conference with the horse this afternoon he informs me that the club are negotiating the transfer of Michael Owen to Liverpool.

There is a clause in Owen’s contract that allows us to speak to him if a bid of £11 million or more is tabled. The clause relates to what Real paid for him when he left Liverpool (£8 m + Nunez). It’s not as easy as that though because a higher fee can be commanded depending on appearances made each season including those as a substitute.

Liverpool have NOT made any kind of official or formal bid (yet). Both clubs are discussing their options privately without the agents of any players taking part at this stage.

Real Madrid are refusing to move an inch preferring instead to talk about doing a deal which would see Gerrard go the other way. The horse says Owen won’t come back if Gerrard goes to Real because he would then opt to try another season there alongside him.

The horse claims that Real are prepared to offer Liverpool Woodgate (Mr Benitez rates him highly), Owen and cash for Gerrard. Liverpool are even trying to include Milan Baros in a deal for Owen as Real made an inquiry about his availability last year.

If Liverpool fail to land Owen, they will make a final bid for Kuyt. If that fails you can expect to see Crouch or Johnson at Anfield next season. In that order, straight from the horses mouth.

The horse is confident that the club’s summer transfer plans have not been affected by Uefa’s ruling and stressed it’s business as usual. Asked by myself if this summer would see us concentrate purely on the Spanish market, the horse said that more Premiership based players were available than ever this year but he wouldn’t comment on any specific names or clubs.

My prediction is that the club will start to move some money around within the next 7 to 14 days. By then I would imagine we’re ready to strike.

—

25 June 2005

“Ok. I have received some cracking information from a source but we’re having to examine a way of sharing it with you because this would be an immediate sacking for serious breach of data/confidentiality if this person is outed. It’s so sensitive that I will have to even delete and destroy it from my own computer. I can’t have someone losing their job purely for wanting to share something with you/us.

Screen grabs (from PC’s within this company) will back up the claims but again, I’m not sure if we should go so deep just to justify the info for a few doubters. Anti-KT people may even pass the info posted here back to the company who has had their data compromised. Basically we have to be on our toes with this one. But if the source and I agree to publish the screen grabs, we’ll take the risk.

It almost certainly relates to a transfer but I need to investigate a few things. Hopefully I will be given the nod to publish some names and you may have to do some digging yourself. However, after a bit of research you are bound to end up looking at a Chelsea player as a possible SHOCK signing. There is NOTHING yet to suggest this player, who I can’t name yet (until I speak to the source again) is involved. If it is this Chelsea player it’s not Kezman (who has been linked with us recently by the media)… a lot of our members rate this individual very highly! Other players may be involved though so it may not be the obvious one (this is just speculation on my part (relating to Chelsea) for now) – stay tuned for more info from me over the next day or so. I would say talks have been ongoing for some time but over the last few days things have certainly heated up and have possibly gone formal. I’m confident that I can share the info with you but it will result in a lot of speculation that we won’t be able to answer even when names appear. However, if we do some digging together (like we usually do here at the Insider) it should give us some names to
consider and to listen out for.

No promises but stay tuned.

(FAO the source who contacted me, my mobile is back on – call me or check your email inbox.)

End.”

—

29 June 2005

“I’ve been informed that a press conference has been scheduled at Anfield for either Monday or Tuesday – I’m awaiting confirmation on Friday. This will be to announce at least 1 signing possibly 3. There’s no confirmation on who exactly but the word is Zenden, Reina and Barragan.

My info is from a sports correspondent with the Guardian. He has also said that the LFC PRO has mentioned that there MAY also be an announcement on Gerrard – they probably expect to have concluded negociations by the end of the week.

Other snippets I’ve received are that Mark Gonzalez will not be joining us this season but that we may have agreed some kind of deal with Albacete, whereby if he proves his fitness in the coming season he could move in either Jan or at the end of the season.

I’ve been asking around alot about the duff spec and nobody thinks its a possibility. If it is then Harry’s gone for sure!”

—

10 July 2005

Had a brief, very brief, word with the horse today and he told me that the club had today reached deals with two clubs. I can’t say exactly what he told me as my identity may be revealed if this got out but I came to the following conclusions from our conversation.

1) Figo is due in Liverpool within the next 48 hours. I assume this is finally for his medical.

2) Figo hasn’t take a huge wage cut at all. This is why the club will not pay a transfer fee for him unless Real agree to cover some of his wages. The player has lowered his demands but not as much as everyone thinks. Liverpool will be paying a fortune to secure Figo’s services but the club believe such a signing will prove beneficial in the long run because of exposure, shirt sales and so on.

3) Southampton and Liverpool reached an agreement for the initial transfer fee of Peter Crouch on Saturday. Southampton though are wanting to include a couple of clauses regarding further payments relating to appearances, achievements and sell on percentages. The club say dealing with Southampton has been worse than dealing with Real Madrid but remain confident of ironing out “a couple of issues”.

4) Liverpool’s interest in re-signing Michael Owen hasn’t cooled but Real Madrid’s demands are proving extremely hard to work around. The same applies with Feyenoord who are refusing to negotiate a deal for Dirk Kuyt. I have no idea if these two have been struck off the list but if Crouch is brought in, this suggests so.

5) Rick Parry is planning personal visits to Germany and Italy within the next fortnight.

—

18 July 2005

According to a source whom I know nothing of, the following info was gained b talking to a national newspaper journalist:

1) Striker. Deal re-structured – not more money in total though – will agree to sign within 48 hrs

2) Foreign player that is desperate to sign for us – last bits of the deal have been ironed out – His club is ready to release him & he will have to travel back from a pre-season tour- and will sign by the end of the week.

3) A CB who won’t sign a new contract. LFC have tables a further bid after the 1st one was turned down.

4) An attacking midfielder will join at the same time as the CB.

OUT

A Goalkeeper and forward will be sold within the next week.

Plenty there for you to be going on with, hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I wonder if Dunk’s actually got the story about Kuyt’s flight right?