A new plan needs a new van

I looked at this again and again and again, trying to come up with something to say about it. I struggled. I managed only this -

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Dunk   KopTalk Daddy
Reged: 20/08/04
Posts: 8846
Loc: KOPTALK
Photography experts – Van dealerships too
#1579357 – 30/07/06 04:35 PM
1) Anyone know much about professional photography? I want to buy a paparazzi style camera and lense this season for use when we go on missions. Sell us a camera

2) Been trawling dealership for a van for the site. We have a small Corsa van but we want something Ford Transit size so we can have a mobile office in the back. Sell us a van

——————–
DunkBullshitsBest.com

Sorry, I couldn’t do anything but laugh. I’ve composed myself a bit now.

So what’s the loony Toon got in mind now? What is this the start of? Last time he started coming out with this fantasy stuff he started his plans to buy Chris Waddle’s home overlooking Melwood, where he was going to fit CCTV cameras. Remember? He probably doesn’t, because it was all bullshit (see previous post).

I noticed he’s also got his mate Smooch on the Insider site now. His last mate, the one he met through playing games on the XBox I believe. The one who probably didn’t see Dunk’s comments about foreigners on his blog. Not his current blog, or the one before that (including its 4 or 5 versions) but the one before that. He’s had more blogs than sign-ups this year.

Maybe he’s planning to start some kind of A-Team for the Koptalk Insider members. Now Smooch has turned up he’s got enough members left – Dunk, Smooch, Steev and Rich Tea.  I think that’s right isn’t it? Four members? Dunk is quite clearly mad enough to be Murdoch, but Murdoch was actually fairly useful.

Maybe (as someone said in an email to me) he’s got plans to start supplying his favourite paper (The Sun) with some photos. Well he may have to use a long lens to get photos of players now after all. His relationship with Propaganda seems to have come to an end, he’s stopped using their photos now. Perhaps he was asked to pay up front, and Propaganda don’t take blank postal orders or paypal. Perhaps Duncan was actually asked to pay a big part of that 12k (from memory) he claimed he’d be shelling out on photos this season. Perhaps Propaganda didn’t like being called “Koptalk’s photographer”. We didn’t get a reply though, so this is all guess work. Propaganda have got photos from yesterday’s game on their site though, so it’s not like Duncan to have missed this opportunity. Will he still have his “official representatives” at every big LFC event this coming season?

Sorry, I’ve just read his post again, and now need to laugh quite loudly. “Missions”? “Mobile Office”?

Any other ideas on why “The Wool with the Bull” might want to buy this van and camera? Or more to the point, what this week’s fantasy is going to be?

(If you’re new to this blog you’ll maybe not know this, but I’m not bothered about Dunk being an “OOTer” or a “Wool”, despite his occasional claims that it’s one of our motivations. I just thought “The Wool with the Bull” was appropriate.) 

More bull from Wallsend

This evening I’m going to look at recent examples of Mr Oldham’s main skill – bullshitting. Duncan is proof that “practice makes perfect” is a very poor saying. He practices every day, but he’s crap at it. He trips himself up far too often to be considered any good. Practice does not make perfect.
His bullshit ranges from the minor to the major. Telling his readers he wore a Sun hat because he didn’t know about the boycott is a lie, and fairly major for the owner of a Liverpool website. Banning members for minor indiscretions or even for asking simple questions then saying, “They aren’t banned” is minor bullshit on the grand scale of things, but not really the actions of someone who’s trying to drum up more trade using his “community” as  a reason for parting with cash. He can’t claim they’ll get insider information in his “insider” site, they don’t. He bullshits about that too.

Here’s a minor bit of bullshit. More exaggeration than anything. He doesn’t like criticism – he admits himself his podcast is the biggest pile of audio crap in Great Britain (well if he doesn’t he should). But you aren’t allowed to repeat this yourself.

slane85
U-17 Player

Loc: …..exiled
28-07-06 10:12 PM – Post#284738
In response to Dunk

Duncan, I listened to the first few mins of your first podcast.

Let me say that your day-job’s a good’un. Stick with it
—————————-
Dunk
KopTalk Daddy

Loc: KOPTALK
28-07-06 10:44 PM – Post#284764
In response to slane85

Hmmm…. oh well, thousands listen every day and we get a lot of people who enjoy them. We’re not there to entertain, we just have a laugh to try and lighten things up a bit. Appreciate the feedback though
DunkKnowsJack.com

Edited by Dunk on 28-07-06 11:11 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.

Thousands listen every day! Duncan, you’ve no longer got “thousands” of members, never mind thousands of members who’ll listen to your crap. It really is awful. That’s not a crime, nothing wrong with that – I doubt anyone listened to it twice though. And saying “thousands” is, well – bullshit.

How about this one for Bull? Dunk wants “cash in hand” for insider memberships – so much so that he’ll knock you a tenner off the price. Explain it to us please Dunk…

*** SPECIAL OFFER – SIGN UP OFFLINE AND SAVE £10 ***

Sign-up offline (by post) sending a blank postal order or cash and pay only:

£10.00 for an Insider membership – save £10.00

£20.00 for a Gold Club membership (which includes a free Insider membership) – save £10.00

Discount is available via this method as we don’t have to pay any credit card handling fees or bank charges. Use the same instructions and address as detailed above. You MUST ensure your payment is not visible through the envelope. We advise you pay for recorded delivery to ensure your payment reaches us which costs 66p extra i.e. 96p in total first class. If you do not use recorded delivery and your application goes missing then you should contact Royal Mail as we will not be held responsible for items lost in the post. Unfortunately some people try it on. The discounted rate is applicable to new applications only.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the costs of taking a payment of either £20 or £30 via PayPal are not £10. Do I need to spell out why you want cash in hand for these memberships? Bent? I’d say so. It’s just bullshit of you to claim you’re knocking a tenner off because of the saving on bank charges.

The stuff above is one part of his sales blurb for the Gold Club. Like this -

Secret *links to FREE online audio commentary when available
Secret *links to FREE online live video footage of LFC games when available (99% of games covered in 2005-06)
Secret *links to FREE LFC video downloads for your iPod, PC etc when available. Some games can be downloaded in full!

Three reasons to join the Gold Club, all of which are illegal. That’s thirty quid for him in return for stuff that isn’t actually his. He does try (badly) to say it’s not his responsibility…

* KopTalk does not have an archive of any video or audio footage nor do we stream games. Members can assist in helping you watch the Reds live online. Links to video clips of LFC goals, interviews etc are provided by members when available. As a member if you discover anything that breaches copyright, please report this to us and we will see such content is removed. During the 2005-06 season 99% of Liverpool’s games were shown live via the web for free. Receiving such transmissions online may breach copyright, KopTalk does not condone this. KopTalk does not provide any form of software that will allow you to watch or download any kind of LFC video content. If you want to follow Liverpool to the max, a Gold Club sub will help you achieve this.

He does have archives of video and audio footage – don’t believe that bit of bullshit.

He doesn’t stream games, I’ll give him that – he just has a forum dedicated to links to the streams, provided by a member of his site that has been given moderator status. Although that member doesn’t get paid for his work providing the links, he does earn money for Oldham.

When he says “members can assist” he means that particular moderator.

For “Links…provided by members when available” read links provided by members and also by Duncan, Steve, “Koptalkinsider.coN” and that username he created the other week.

Koptalk even put the video files onto their own servers. And if a member reported it he’d ban them (unless they reported it to Sky and the Premier League rather than to him).

So far it’s all bullshit, and to be honest I’d be less bothered about it and would probably be willing to turn a blind eye to it if he wasn’t insisting on charging people 30 quid each to get this stuff he’s never paid for.

How about this for bullshit – “Receiving such transmissions online may breach copyright, KopTalk does not condone this.” It’s almost funny – he doesn’t condone it yet he uses it to sell his 30 quid service.

Greedy liar that he is, he probably thinks this disclaimer gets him off the hook. It doesn’t. Especially when you end your disclaimer with this – “If you want to follow Liverpool to the max, a Gold Club sub will help you achieve this.”

Anyone got the email address for the people to report this to? Please either send it to me by email or leave it as a comment. Then anyone else who’s irritated can report it.

I’d forgotten how irritated I was by his money-making in this way. Let’s face it, Liverpool FC and the other Premiership clubs should be pressing for the rights to provide this service legally themselves, but in the meantime why should a repulsive Sun-supporter make money out of it in this way? This was one of his news articles yesterday (suitably written to get it onto News Now’s feed).

Kaiserslautern v Liverpool – AVAILABLE TO WATCH ONLINE (FREE)

Gold Club members are reporting that there will be several online (free) feeds of today’s match that will enable supporters to watch it live via their internet connected computers.

We are unable to promote the feeds on the site as it may be illegal in your country of residence, not that anyone’s going to put your front door in. We simply can’t help you as Big Brother is watching. However our Gold Club members may be able to help you.

Gold members are advised to log-in for full details of today’s coverage –>> (LInks to gold club sales page)

KOPTALK DOES NOT STREAM LIVE FOOTBALL OF ANY DESCRIPTION. SUCH STREAMS/CONTENT – BE THEY LEGAL OR ILLEGAL – ARE PROVIDED BY OTHER SOURCES GENERALLY FROM OUTSIDE THE UK. PLEASE DON’T ASK US FOR HELP BUT BY ALL MEANS ASK OTHER MEMBERS.

Gold Club members? He means the moderator we spoke of above. The one he gave his own section of the forum to. Whether it’s legal or not is a point of some debate, but he shouldn’t be doing it – and he knows this. I doubt very much it is legal, but selling a subscription to members so that they can get this information is almost certainly highly illegal. And as for bullshit – well he ends with this – “PLEASE DON’T ASK US FOR HELP BUT BY ALL MEANS ASK OTHER MEMBERS.”

Don’t ask for help? Explain this then Duncan -

NEWRY   Silver Member
Reged: Jul 02 2004
Posts: 58
Anyone got – Gerrard’s A year in my life
#1578922 – Sun Jul 30 2006 04:44 AM
A link to the whole thing would be great
- – - – - – - – -

A few people leave some ideas, but then Duncan, who says he won’t help with provision of illegal feeds and so on, says this -

Dunk   KopTalk Daddy
Reged: Aug 20 2004
Loc: KOPTALK
Re: Anyone got – Gerrard’s A year in my life [Re: karim787]
#1579203 – Sun Jul 30 2006 01:57 PM

If you forward any info to pass on to the member such as your email addresses, I will see he gets them lads.

editor@koptalk.com
- – - – - – - – -

A minor bit of bullshit in the midst of some major bullshit. And a minor bit of dodginess in the midst of some pretty major dodginess.

If you approve of Dunk’s support of the Sun (he’s still going on about the story he lifted from there yesterday), AND if you accept that the Insider information he claims to provide is in fact bullshit, AND if you don’t mind the fact that the “community” he claims is so great is nearly gone, you might still think that it’s worth joining for the feeds and the clips. Well I can’t see them being around much longer, so I’d hold back for now. And if Dunk continues to make money out of the feeds, then we’ll have to take steps ourselves to make them as freely available as we make his fake transfer rumours.

That’s if he can afford to keep his sites running, if the following stuff was true he’d not have a chance. Not even a small chance -

From his poor grey blog which look as dull as it sounds -

Hosting Solutions

Part of my job is to ensure that people who want to connect to any of our servers can do so without having to endure any problems. The koptalk.org forums have been experiencing outages nearly every day throughout the summer and this is not acceptable.

The koptalk.org forums are hosted with 1&1. Their servers are mainly hosted in Germany. This doesn’t affect the speed of the server much – although it doesn’t improve it – and support can be hit and miss.

I demand the absolute best from any of our suppliers. A friendly, informal relationship is preferred where you can talk about footy etc rather than technical stuff which does my head on. Sometimes you have to be realistic and understand that problems can happen but as far as I’m concerned they’re taking the piss now.

As such I have for the last few weeks been negotiating with a couple of new hosts. I’m actually looking at moving the koptalk.org website to the North West of England which should speed things up a lot. Not only that but we’re stepping up in terms of the quality of supplier. 1&1 are massive but their support is nothing short of a disgrace.

The koptalk.org server currently costs no more than £200-a-month. I’m not sure exactly how much, it’s probably about £180. If I move the koptalk.org site, the new cost for that single server will be closer to £900-a-month – and that’s just for one set of forums. I could look at cheaper options but if you demand the best, you pay the price. Simple as.

We have koptalk.com, koptalk.org and koptalkinsider.com – all three sites receive a massive amount of traffic. Where people think we can get the wonga to pay for the kind of hosting we need without having a subscription site is beyond me.

There isn’t another fans site in the world that offers the amount of content, features and services that we do. That doesn’t mean we’re the best, but it does mean someone, somewhere has to pay for it all. To compare their situations with ours is a pretty stupid thing to do.

Totalling up what I expect us to spend on next season’s coverage is terrifying me. Everyone here though says we’ll do it if we knuckle down. I’m really hoping that next season will be our best. I hope people appreciate the effort, time and money that we do invest to try and provide them with a website that keeps them entertained and up to date.
posted by Dunk @ Friday, July 21, 2006  

And from his so-called “free” site, dated the same day -

21/07/06: Because of the intermittent connection problems we are upgrading to a more professional solution. The annual hosting cost just for these forums will then increase to £8000 from £2160. We hope this shows how much we value your participation. The work should be complete by the end of July.

So on “Dunk-knows-bugger-all.com” he says it’s going to increase to 900 quid a month. On his Koptalk site he claims it will be 8000 quid a year. We’ll 900 quid a month is 10,800 quid a year. 8000 quid a year is 667 quid a month. So Dunk – is the monthly cost 900 quid or 667 quid? Is the annual cost 8000 quid or 10,600?
We expect your move of servers to be complete in a couple of days too – and we’ll be checking out who your new service provider is and ask them what we’d be getting for £10,600 a year.

If you’re going to bullshit at least try and stay consistent. As I said earlier, practice doesn’t make perfect. Just makes you look all the more a complete bullshitter.

And people don’t like shelling out to bullshitters.

How best to leave Koptalk

Another disgruntled customer of Koptalk.

Is he now banned? Will he get a refund? I think we know the answers.

Thanks to one of our spies for getting these screenshots before Oldham got wind of it.

1  2  3

If you’re going to leave Koptalk after finding out you wasted your money, this is the way to do it. Although a red from Zambia seems 100% behind Dunk according to his comments here, it’s actually probably only 99.9% now. And that 0.1 of a percent is the start of the crack that soon grows bigger and bigger, as more and more doubt starts to creep in.