Caboodle Comedy Central

Feeling down? Short of a laugh? Watch an Oldham squirm.

We have seen someone (or it could be more than one, I’m unsure) cause all kinds of trouble by sending emails to their fellow Insider members to inform them of this site, and Kraptalk and Duncan’s despicable ways in general. We’ve seen him lose member after member, partly because of this blog, but mostly because of his attempts to stop this blog.

He has been demanding that his users provide him with information that really he has no right to demand – phone numbers, dates of birth, addresses and all so that they can access his poorly administered forum. He’s had it pointed out to him that he’s not allowed to keep this information unless he’s appropriately registered under the rules of the data protection act.

It turns out he doesn’t need to be registered actually. Or so he says.  Dunk knows best, so he keeps telling us, and so look what he knows about that Act -

KopTalkInsider.com    KopTalk Staff  
Reged: 28/07/03
Posts: 22650

         Your Privacy
#1545158 – 13/07/06 11:37 AM 

We take your privacy very, very seriously.

For each member that participates we ask you to provide certain personal information, which is for security reasons only.

We only need this information to administer your account. It is never shared with anyone else, nor is it used for marketing of any description.

We do not need to be registered with the Data Protection Act as we are exempt for two reasons:

1) Accounts and Records are exempt unless processed or obtained from a credit reference agency

but more importantly:

2) No personal data is held or stored on any computer system

If you chose to cancel your membership or if we cancel it, we destroy any information we hold on you. Such paperwork is shredded several times.

The only way for people to obtain any information about you is through your public profile. We strongly urge you not to disclose your email address or details of where you work etc.

To edit your public profile click on MY HOME above top right.

If you publish your email address on the forums you are likely to be spammed. If you wish to contact another member you can do this through us.

Well it made me laugh – very, very loudly. Where do you start. Well as one of those who sent me this pointed out, it’s not just the fact he’s made all of this nonsense up, it’s the way he’s made it up, and his reasons for making it up. HE WANTS HIS USERS TO REMOVE THEIR EMAIL ADDRESSES FROM THEIR PROFILES.

He’s such a dozy slow-moving slob though that he doesn’t even remove the email address of the profile of Pat McCat, his made-up poster from before.

And “shredded several times” is another of the funnies. Sit-com material every time with the Wallsend Wally. I could think of a better word than “Wally” but let’s keep it clean…

And for more material for all of you sit-com writers, here’s Dunk lying himself in knots over his supposed trip to Liverpool this week…

Read the rest of this entry »

Some general observations from the Caboodle world…

Some bits and pieces I’ve been meaning to post. Nothing major here really. Just a hell of a lot of it. You’ll need a brew or a beer before you start on this.

Read the rest of this entry »

Where’s the goods I paid for?

Paul Cooper joined the Insider site just over a week ago. What’s he thought of it so far?

paulcooper4   Silver Member
Reged: 04/07/06
Posts: 84
Loc: Liverpool

inside info
#1548617 – 14/07/06 04:35 PM

Come on, ive paid 20 quid for this subscription and im a mingebag! Can someone post some genuine inside information on here for me to read please, instead of just copying bits out of newspaper articles or “dodgy rumour” websites. Please, im a proper tightarse, its killing me spending 20 quid!!
_____________________

saf     Silver Member
***
Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 4

Re: inside info [Re: paulcooper4]
#1548628 – 14/07/06 04:39 PM

Look out for posts from:Dunk, Wallet, informer and johnny H
________________________

richt71        Moderator
Moderator
***
Reged: 09/07/03
Posts: 11218
Loc: York

Re: inside info [Re: paulcooper4]
#1548631 – 14/07/06 04:41 PM
Reply to this post Reply

Quote:
Come on, ive paid 20 quid for this subscription and im a mingebag! Can someone post some genuine inside information on here for me to read please, instead of just copying bits out of newspaper articles or “dodgy rumour” websites. Please, im a proper tightarse, its killing me spending 20 quid!!


If you want 100% nailed on inside info you best giving Rafa a call mate. However there’s a few reliable posters on these forums. A number of which have posted this week. I’ll let you decide who.
However if you’re still not happy contact Dunk and I’m sure he’ll be happy to cancel your membership.
________________

Oh dear. Rich Tea probably does genuinely believe that Dunk’s a great guy. He is probably right to say that Dunk will cancel the original poster’s membership if he lets it be known he’s unhappy. No refund, just a cancellation. And someone ought to tell the four-time poster who’s been there two years that three of the four names he mentioned are the same person.

Fat Wallet has nothing in it

fat_wallet_300.gifDear me. He’s still trying it on. The fat wallet is back pretending he’s not Duncan “Liar” Oldham but is in fact somebody else. He’s not pretending to be “Barry” the writer for upthetoon.com, a site he also owns. He’s not pretending to be “Pat McCat” or “The Informer” or “The Anfield Mole” or “The caring North East Employer” or “The Responsible Father”. No he’s “The Wallet” or “Wallet” this time.

Do people still buy this nonsense? (Yes, for thirty quid each, but that number’s dropping now).

wallet   Silver Member
Reged: Jul 22 2004
Posts: 446
Agent meeting…
#1547929 – Fri Jul 14 2006 01:10 PM
I’ve just been told that a liverpool representative met with an agent in Italy (either yesterday or the day before). The agents name is Antonio ?? and is believed to represent David Trezeguet but I can’t confirm this. The meeting was to discuss the transfer or potential loan deal of the player should Juve be relegated. Terms were agreed in principle but a wage negotiation would be rquired.

I was told, and I quote, “it is not inconceivable that Trezeguet and Alves” could be signed this window”. It is likely that Trezeguet would be good value for money with the asking price for Kuyt being £12m to £14m but it depends a lot on Juves circumstances and bargaining ability upon the verdict.

Apparently Rafa “knows what outcome he wants from his dealings but many others, even those on board are in the dark”.
- – - – - – - – - – - -

(LOADS OF STUFF REMOVED, MAINLY THOSE MEMBERS WHO STILL FOLLOW THEIR CULT LEADER’S EVERY WORD)      

- – - – - – - – - – - -
wallet    Silver Member
Reged: Jul 22 2004
Posts: 446
Re: Agent meeting…  [Re: Johnny Red]
#1548554 – Fri Jul 14 2006 04:07 PM
We won’t be buying a defensive midfielder this window. Rafa has earmarked Bolo for this role. Look out for where he plays in the friendlies..
- – - – - – - – - – - -

Which phase are we in now then in Oldham’s menstrual cycle? Is it tomorrow he starts making up some more grand plans? Let’s guess. He’s going to buy Stanley Park for Liverpool so they can build their stadium there? Rick Parry’s spending a weekend at Koptalk HQ? He’s invented time travel? He’ll apologise for one of his lies?

All of them as unlikely as each other really.

Koptalk Exposed

If you are new to this blog and actually believe Dunk when he says he’ll bring out his book, look at this. This is an archive of his Anfield Exposed site, taken early 2004.

The controversial and entertaining account of how one ordinary Liverpool fan became an Anfield VIP from a personal computer in his bedroom.

If you’re a Liverpool fan, this book is a must. If you’re a fan of KopTalk and have followed the site’s progress, you’ll finally discover the truth and answers to various questions that need answering once and for all. If you’re not a fan of KopTalk, you’re likely to get a mention so make sure you don’t miss out.

To keep costs to a minimum the book is available on pre-order to get an idea with regards to numbers required. To be guaranteed a copy, please pre-order today. Publication is expected to be in 2004. As of December 2003, more than 2000 copies have been pre-ordered.

A donation will be made to charity for every book sold, details of which will be published on this website. Once the book is published, providing you are a pre-order customer, you will receive special instructions on how to access the private community that will be hidden behind this website. This will enable you to interact with the author on a 1-2-1 basis should you have any feedback or questions.

The book title and cover have not been confirmed and are displayed above purely for illustration purposes only.

I’ve just had another look at the page where he lists his selling points for the Gold Club. I’ve commented on each one, correct me if I’m wrong on any please…

The only VIP Liverpool FC website in the world! (Dunk’s opinion – what’s the difference between this and the insider. Remember, the insider is classed as separate. What makes a site a VIP site? Bit of an empty statement really.)

FREE unlimited access to our Insider feature and supporting community (The insider is just another couple of forums really. Not a lot to write home about..)

FREE unlimited access to ad-free KopTalk News (Mainly stolen from elsewhere, occasionally credited.)

FREE unlimited LFC news alerts delivered by SMS and email 24hrs / 365 days  (Nobody has told me that they get loads of these – they are a rarity rather than a regular occurrence.)

FREE LFC & England match-tickets – every season we give away various match-tickets for select fixtures (How many? Has anyone ever seen any?)

All Gold Club features are completely ad-free i.e. no banner ads, no pop-ups, no pop-unders, no-invues! (He’s said that already once – and it’s not the only ad-free LFC site on the net either.)

Blistering fast dedicated servers power the Gold Club and as there’s no ads, you will notice a massive difference in speed! (Again, the ad reference, and it’s not that fast really.)

Your own P.A. when you go on holiday – We’ll call you, SMS you, fax you, major LFC news as it happens! (Has anyone had this benefit yet? Recently? Let me know if you have.)

Exclusive competitions for prizes worth winning e.g. X-Box’s, Digital Cameras, Camcorders, MP3 players, cash etc  (These are under a big cloud of doubt – more feedback comes in that says he doesn’t actually ever supply the prizes)

FREE weekly participation in our Gold Club UK Lotto syndicate – We spend at least £100-a-month on the national lottery! (He’s so far proved once that he buys the tickets. We’ll keep an eye on this)

FREE weekly participation in our Football Pools syndicate (He’s not yet proved anything on this.)

Seen a teaser on Teletext? They want you to call £1-a-min premium rate number? Let us know and we’ll do it for you! (Has anyone managed to take advantage of this yet? Does he copy their ideas?)

Backdoor entry to our premium rate services – never dial a premium rate number again!  (Where? Where is this service then? I’m prepared to accept I’ve missed it, but I’ve not found it yet. Send me the link if you know where it is)

Priority email support and direct line to KopTalk (As has been proven throughout the recent “lock-out” phase, emails are ignored. Dunk says you have to ring their mobile number, so it’s not exactly a direct line. And the number is also published on the “free” site.)

Audio clips including interviews plus links to video clips including every LFC goal this season usually within minutes of full time (Illegal. Stolen. Shouldn’t be there, shouldn’t be used as a selling point. Other than the clips he hosts on his own server they aren’t exlclusive to him either.)

Help with match day tickets (What help’s that? And don’t mention anything seen on all other LFC forums.)

Secret linksto FREE audio commentary and live video/satellite footage when the Reds are in action 99.9% of LFC games covered (Apart from Dunk’s stupid 99.9% figure – does he mean only 1 in every thousand isn’t included? – why is it secret? It’s available to anyone with an appropriate satellite system.)

Reserved place in our dedicated commentary room on match-days (Is this the thing he usually forgets to update?)

24/7 password protected hidden chat room (I’ve seen a post this week where he says the chat room is only open when they want it to be – nothing like 24/7).

A fun, friendly, addictive community packed with Liverpool fans including The Executive Lounge & The Gold Bar (I’d say that this is much less so lately. Friendly? Addictive? Not if you speak out of turn in any way shape or form.)

VIP contributors including various luminaries associated to the club – present and former LFC players!   (This is a lie. There are no VIP contributors)

Full access to Match Reports, Fixtures, The Ed’s Diary and of course, The Anfield Mole!  (Match Reports are stolen from elsewhere. Fixtures are available Free of Charge elsewhere. The Ed’s Diary is generally his rants and hardly worth paying for. The Anfield Mole is another of Dunk’s made up story telling aliases.)

Monthly donations to Cancer Research UK and Plan International (Proof please.)

Let’s look to the future…

wibble_wobble.jpgIf I had more time I’d write a long intro based on “A Christmas Carol” by that guy from all those years ago. The one with Mickey Mouse on crutches, you must remember it.

Anyway, I think we’ve had a glimpse into the future. The ghost of Christmas yet to come or whatever it was. In the (near) future, when everyone who writes, comments or even reads this blog decides to vacate Koptalk for good, what will Dunk be doing?

Talking to himself, and evening editing his own posts…

The Informer
Honorary Member
****
Reged: 14/07/03
Posts: 134
Loc: Liverpool

Hamann transfer
#1545591 – 13/07/06 03:06 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

Dietmar Hamann was advised not to move to Bolton by his wife because of an
alleged previous bust-up that involved El-Hadji Diouf.

The two players allegedly came to blows at a Christmas party some time ago.
It wasn’t the players and staff party but the family party so children were
present.

Diouf allegedly offended Mrs Hamann because of something he did and Dietmar
dealt with it.

Because of the bad blood between the two, this is why the Hamann family
decided on Manchester instead of Bolton.

(edit by admin – details appear true but added disclaimers)

Edited by Dunk (13/07/06 03:11 PM)

- – - – - – -  – -
DunkAdministrator
KopTalk Editor
****
Reged: 20/08/04
Posts: 8394

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: The Informer]
#1545596 – 13/07/06 03:08 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

(had to edit this post for legal reasons)

——————–
Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius…

- – - – - – -  – -
The Informer
Honorary Member
****
Reged: 14/07/03
Posts: 134
Loc: Liverpool

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: Dunk]
#1545601 – 13/07/06 03:10 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

Sorry. I understand. I’ll remember that.

- – - – - – -  – -
DeeGame
Gold Member
***
Reged: 16/03/06
Posts: 1929
Loc: Harrow, London

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: Dunk]
#1545602 – 13/07/06 03:10 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

Quote:
(had to edit this post for legal reasons)

I wonder what this originally said

——————–
In Rafa I Trust

- – - – - – -  – -
DunkAdministrator
KopTalk Editor
****
Reged: 20/08/04
Posts: 8394

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: DeeGame]
#1545604 – 13/07/06 03:12 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

Quote:

Quote:
(had to edit this post for legal reasons)

I wonder what this originally said

Just added ‘alleged’ etc.

——————–
Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius…

- – - – - – -  – -
LFCman
Honorary Member
***
Reged: 27/08/02
Posts: 17347
Loc: Australia

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: DeeGame]
#1545607 – 13/07/06 03:13 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

I think Dunk added “alleged”.

Cheers Informer.

——————–
The OFFICIAL 2006/2007 KopTalk A-League Thread

- – - – - – -  – -
The_Milkman
KopTalk’s Milkman
***
Reged: 21/05/04
Posts: 18008
Loc: In a float

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: Dunk]
#1545609 – 13/07/06 03:14 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

stop talkin to yourself Dunk

——————–

- – - – - – -  – -
LfcEst1979
Silver Member
***
Reged: 21/08/05
Posts: 371

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: The_Milkman]
#1545612 – 13/07/06 03:16 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

Quote:
stop talkin to yourself Dunk

looool

- – - – - – -  – -
rezaeos
Silver Member
***
Reged: 23/01/03
Posts: 1007
Loc: Victoria, Canada

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: LFCman]
#1545619 – 13/07/06 03:18 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

Hey K man. I almost didn’t recognise the user name . BTW how is your uncle
doing? I hope he’s fully recovered. As for Didi going to Citeh, good for
him. He can give the Scum the 5 fingers ala Robbie.

- – - – - – -  – -
The_Milkman
KopTalk’s Milkman
***
Reged: 21/05/04
Posts: 18008
Loc: In a float

Re: Hamann transfer [Re: The Informer]
#1545622 – 13/07/06 03:19 PM
Reply to this post Reply     Reply to this post Quote

any news on Alves, Mr Informer ??

——————–

Anybody want to write to Didi and see if this is true? And does anyone want to talk about Dunk’s allegations over Diouf from days gone by?

Putting the “broad” into broadcasting

Ok people, if you’ve got access to software that allows you to record off the net – like this example emailed in to us -  then you may like to help us get a podcast together of the return of Koptalk Radio. I only ever watched a short clip of Koptalk TV, something I don’t think I’ll ever recover from, but I’ve not had the “pleasure” at all of Koptalk Radio. If you aren’t at the match, and aren’t watching / listening through the official site, you can try and record bits of Koptalk Radio.

For some reason, after complaining that people were targetting his kids, this target for all North East social workers says he’ll have them in his studio to listen to his dodgy comments “on air”. He only sees them at weekends though of course, so I suppose he’s nobody to babysit for him.

Don’t send us the whole broadcast, send us anything you found funny. Then we’ll try and find a way to get the things hosted. And if you can’t record it, send us some quotes from it. There’ll be a lot of people listening in, not all the type of person he’d have liked though.

Dunk   KopTalk Editor
Reged: Aug 20 2004

Don’t forget!
#1546455 – Thu Jul 13 2006 09:53 PM
www.koptalk.coN/radio on Saturday afternoon!

We won’t have a satellite feed so it’ll be even worse than it usually is

Myself and Steve will be on air along with Katie, Charlotte and Robbie.

“Mr Potato Head I hate you” will return and I’m sure we can hook up a call to the ‘hood to have a word with Smoove… who believe it or not has had his internet and electricity cut off!

He has a cellphone though (incoming only!) so I’m sure we can poke a bit of fun at him during the match about his downfall….

Honest he’s sat in the dark lol… but he did say he should be put back on in a few days.

Revo… he asks after you

2.30pm Saturday!

We weren’t going to publicise this but I think we’ll all enjoy it more than he will, so let’s go for it.

Also – if anyone has a spare fiver and they want to help out with the new B.A.D.T.A.F campaign email for details. It stands for “Buy A Domain To Annoy Fatty” and the idea is that you buy a domain name, you become the owner, and for the time being you point it where you like. You can point it here, to kraptalk.com or to anything else that takes your fancy. We’ve a few domains he’d rather you didn’t have, and we can let you know. We don’t get any commission out of it, and the “fiver” is an approximate price – it’s up to you where you buy the domain from. One of our regular commentors has a deal in place to help you get a domain pretty cheaply, but go wherever you choose!

And if you know of domains he’s not got to add to our hitlist forward them on. Put “BADTAF” in your subject to help me find them more quickly…